24 years since I held my baby boy

[24yearswithoutmybeautifulboy]

I cant believe it's been so long, the days have been so long, but the years so short.

My gorgeous little Scott Dot who fought his way through so many health problems for the first couple of months of his life, only to be cruelly taken after a few short weeks at home.

He was the most beautiful boy, with the biggest, darkest eyes, and beautiful dark hair, and the biggest feet I've ever seen on a baby 🤣 he also had THE biggest attitude I've ever seen in a baby when the mood took him too.

He taught me how to love, and was the first person to ever love me unconditionally, he taught me how to fight, he melted my heart that had been hardened through years of abuse as a child, and I think about him and miss him every day.

I only had him for such a short time, but he was such a blessing to me. He was so loved then, and is still so loved now. He has his little sister with him too sadly, but I really believe they are together.

I'm also going to shamelessly show him off, because if a Mum can't show off her gorgeous baby on MN, then where can she? 😊

Can anyone guess which photo shows the results of the first time I ever dressed a baby? Plus we have the obligatory 90s photo of baby in with a whole bunch of teddies. Then him in his favourite outfit.

My dc and I will light a wee candle and have some angel cake for him tonight, as we always do.

Thank you for reading 💐

He was absolutely gorgeous! Sending you so much love

He's so beautiful! ❤️❤️

Oh thank you all so much.

I cant believe so many people remember him. I cant even express how happy and proud it makes me that my little boy has had an impact, even though he's not here anymore.

Nor can I express how grateful I am that so many people have taken the time to acknowledge him today with such kind and beautiful words.

@InTheFourthAtMalloryTowers I am so, so sorry that your family is also walking this horrible path ❤ its just so unfair.

We had our angel cake, and then my youngest 2 picked out the shiniest star and we waved and blew kisses, as we usually do, then read The Invisible String before they settled for the night.

These days just don't get any easier, but all you lovely MNers honestly make such a difference to the way I grieve. Instead of internalising things and being sad, you all give me a space to talk about him, and smile, and share my.memories, and I'm so grateful to you all for that.

Sending you love, from someone who knows what it is to lose a child.
He was truly beautiful and so loved.
❤ God Bless.

I also remember your previous threads and recognised the photos of you boy.
Thinking of you both and your family tonight.

What a beautiful boy ❤️

I remember the photo of Scott Dot with the teddies. Makes me smile. Thinking of you all today. Xx

@Derrymum123 I'm so sorry. Its just so overwhelmingly shit💐 I hope that, even on the toughest of days, you have a memory or 2 that can make you smile too.

He does have beautiful eyes - full of love for you, he clearly knew how much he was loved.

Glad you are celebrating his life tonight

x

Thinking of you, I too remember Scott Dot ❤️

Your Scott Dot is beautiful! Thanks for sharing him with us today. We too are sending best wishes to your baby boy today x

Beautiful boy, lovely that we can all remember him with you and think of him today x

What a beautiful boy ❤️ sending love

I remember your Scott Dot ❤️

What a beautiful, beautiful boy. Those photographs are gorgeous. The way you speak about him with such pride and love is wonderful. He has the best mummy. Keeping you in my thoughts tonight, OP.

So beautiful x x

Oh bless you OP (and everyone else on this thread who has lost a child). Your son is beautiful and those photos are just so precious - the teddy one really made me smile - he looks so happy!

I can't imagine how hard it is to feel like people have forgotten him so I'm pleased this thread is helping you with that today. In our family we all have photos and still talk about my cousin who died as a toddler almost 40 years ago. She is very much part of our family in the same way your son is part of yours.

I remember your previous posts, he really was a gorgeous wee boy and clearly deeply loved during his short time on Earth❤️thinking of you today.

♥️

Oh you can see there's some sunshine in him. What a gorgeous little face. Sorry for your pain and loss.

Ah, @24yearswithoutmybeautifulboy I remember your previous thread. Recognised little Scott straight away when I saw the photos. Gorgeous boy. So sorry for your loss x

I remember your beautiful Scott from previous threads too. Such a beautiful boy. Thinking of you.

Its really difficult to sort of incorporate Scott and his little sister into family life without a hugely negative impact on my kids. This is the sort of stuff nobody prepares you for, but when you're in this position you just have to wing it and hope for the best.

I have photos up, and tell stories to my kids sometimes. Even though Scott only had a short time in my arms I have plenty of stories as I was an 18 year old mum with no experience of babies at all, and he was such a little character, so between us there were so many funny moments. The memories that used to crush me make me smile now, even though I have a Scott shaped hole in my heart (complete with massive feet).

Even in hospital when he was going through his op and then the tests to make sure everything was working as it should, I was given nappy bags that had to be specially disposed of, they were bright yellow with 'radiation warning' on them, I used to joke that I should have taken some home as well. In his incubator he had a knack of wriggling the wrong way around and having to be detangled every 5 minutes. He hated it when loads of people surrounded him all cooing at him, and he used to stare at the bear that went everywhere with him, and babble it it. Some may say he was just being adorable, I reckon he was probably bitching about being swarmed by women fir the 18th time that day.

Breastfeeding him was a laugh sometimes too, I was very fortunate that I found it so easy and literally produced about 20oz milk at a time, but he had a real habit of latching on, waiting for the moment my boobs filled up, the whipping his head away so quickly, the amount of people that got squirted as I was getting to grips with breastfeeding was unreal 🤣 again, I'm not saying he did it on purpose, but he definitely had a mischeavious glint in his eye.

I was, and am truly blessed to be his mum.

❤

Lovely photos. My dd was only home with us for a few months too so I can really relate to everything you’ve said. It sounds like you have some precious memories of your lovely boy.

I remember you and your lovely boy from your previous thread. I think of you both often, actually and wish you'd never had to feel this pain. I'm so sorry for your loss.