Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

I'm so sorry your family is experiencing this pain. Please don't blame yourself. I hope your DS pulls through.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I just wanted to add another voice of support, love and hope.

I’m so sorry you are going through this- he may need different medication to help with his depression and anxiety. Sometimes it can worsen it. I hope he makes a full recovery and you all come out of this stronger! I’m sure when he is older he will look back and be so grateful you didn’t give up on him.

Another mother here reading and crying for you as you endure my worst nightmare. My DS is almost 23, but still suffering the same self-doubts and depression that afflict your beautiful boy. I send you my very very best and brightest wishes and handholds, and all my love and hope it will be enough to bring him home safe xxx

I have been steps away from your shoes op. It is true the more sensitive souls can suffer the worst mh issues. My ds has deliberately crashed his car in the past. Took him 3 years to admit it wasn't an accident... He had previously confided to his dsis he struggled being afraid to let anyone down and always put himself last. . Made my guilt worse! The hardest job we have op. Being a mam.

Sending love to you and your family. Sadly I’ve lived through this too. There is nothing you’ve said or done that could have changed the way he felt. It took me a long time to realise that. My brother was also very loving and kind but held the weight of the world on his shoulders. Hope your lovely boy gets through this and gets the help that he needs. x

I am so sorry to read this. My thoughts, hopes and payers are with you and your family that your son pulls through this and can find some peace with the help he needs xx big hugs to you and your sweet boy xx

My brother suffers from mental health issues and it has been a difficult few years trying to support him as much as we can as a family, except my brother doesn't speak to us as much as he should and often asks for help then won't accept it when we try :( He has turned on us in the past and takes things out on us through anger and frustration. My parents and I worry every day that he will find it all too much one day and won't live to old age.

*prayers^

Hand holding here.❤ Mental Health in young people is a pandemic of it's own in this country. Prayers that he can get the support/medication he needs.

Another one holding your son in the light and sending love to you x

I'm praying for your family x

No words of advice, but a virtual handhold for you. Thinking of you and your family and hoping that your boy pulls through this.

Sending a hug and a hand hold. You sound a fab mum and family who have done everything possible to support your DS. He knows you love him and nothing you would have done differently would have changed anything. Praying that he pulls through. Take care. 💐

My heart goes out to.you OP, I'm sorry this has happened. The ICU staff will be doing everything in their power to help your ds and you are there for him willing him to get better. You are beng so strong for him and that is exhausting. Sending love and strength ❤

Sending another hug. When one of my family members had major mental health problems it helped to think of it as the proper disease it is - there's nothing you or anyone else could have done and he's just desperately unlucky to have that chemical imbalance in his brain the same as he would be if it was a cancer or a stroke.

Will be thinking of you and your family.

My heart is breaking for you, your family and your lovely son.

you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm so sorry. Your poor baby. I have an 8 month old baby boy, I can't imagine being in this situation in 18 years time. Thinking of you, really hope he pulls through xx

Sending you a virtual hug. You and your son are in my thoughts.

My son is also suffering with depression and anxiety and Im sure is like your son - the most beautiful mind and soul. Sending you so much love and solidarity and just to let you know, so many of us walking this road - you are doing your best and your love and support count and make a difference!! Praying your son is ok xxx He sounds like a special and unique person who is so greatly loved.

Praying from every fibre of my being xx

Sending positive vibes to you my own son suffers from mental illness and I have (almost) been where you are now. Just keep talking to him , he knows you are there, he knows he is loved. Sometimes it's just difficult for them to process the life around them
Much love and hope sent.

Dear OP, as a mum with a DS with mental health issues I also echo what others have said that this is my worst nightmare. Nothing I can say can take away the pain you are currently feeling but just know that there are many standing with you here if but virtually.

I pray your lovely DS pulls through and will continue praying for that. I think you know it’s not because of anything bad you’ve done, or something you should’ve done.

Please try and drink some sweet tea whilst you are waiting for news to keep your strength up, my heart goes out to you all including you two DD’s especially the one sitting her GCSEs. x

So sorry for your awful troubles. Just going to light a candle for you and him.

Thinking of you and your darling boy. As a mother of a teenage boy I can only imagine what you're going through. You just want to put them on your knee, give them a big cuddle and make everything ok again like when they were little. X

Reading you post has brought me to tears. I honestly don't know what to say other than I am truly so sorry that you, your family and your DS are going through such a horrific experience.
I remember all too well sitting by my DS bedside in ICU when he was 15 months old. The tears, the uncertainty, the fear, the exhaustion.
Hold his hand, stroke his hair, talk to him. He knows how much you love him and it sounds like you and the rest of his family have created such a loving, supportive environment for him. I can't begin to express how much I am willing your DS to pull though