Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

My heart goes out to you OP and I am thinking of your boy and hoping that he pulls through.
Your ds knows he is loved, he does know deep down but depression fogs out all the good things. I lost a family member to suicide recently, totally out of the blue, and the shock is still reverberating. Looking back I can see how unreachable he became. Depression keeps people in their own tiny world, they can’t see anything beyond the darkness. For young people in particular it can be hard to imagine a happy future when their experience of life is so limited and their thinking still very black and white.
You and your ds will be in my thoughts this morning, a modern ICU is an incredible place, they will do everything they can to save him.

I have no words. Just sending hope x

Oh @JungleZgok
Every parent’s nightmare.
So hope your Lovely son pulls through.
Depression is a brute, and when one is so young, things can seem insurmountable.
Sincerely hope he makes it.
I too have heard that some antidepressants can make vulnerable people actually feel worse initially— and also, anti malarial medication has sent some young people into some very different behaviours. ( Travellers on year out )
Best wishes to you and your son and family at this worrying time.

OP I just want to add to the chorus of support here. We're all here and we all care and when your son wakes up I hope in time he'll believe that people care and want to help him get better.

We're all just strangers but we're rooting for your lovely family

I can feel the love you have for your son pouring out from your words. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. I really, truly hope he pulls through.

Holding you and your lovely boy in the light. Please, please don't feel badly about your mothering, I have lifelong mental health issues ( which is why I rarely post on Mumsnet, I know it would overload me) I married young to someone who is absolutely amazing but who we both thought would solve a lot of my problems....it just doesn't work like that, I still have the problems but have the plus side of a very happy marriage alongside it, a gift but not a solution.

Thinking of you all and sending love.

Holding your hand. I too have been there with my DS. We are through the other side now, mostly , but I won't pretend it's been an easy ride.

Ds did say to me once that there was nothing I could have said or done that would have changed things when he was in the thick of it.

Much love to you all

Thinking of you and praying. It has been said earlier, but worth saying again. It is not your fault. You could not have prevented this.
You sound like such a lovely family. I hope you are all being supported.
I'm an ICU nurse, happy to answer generic questions about ICU care if you want to pm me.

Thinking of you OP, my brother attempted suicide twice when he was around your sons age. It was only when he was in his thirties that he was diagnosed bipolar. He his in his mid forties now with two adult children. I do hope so much that your son pulls through so that he can get proper help and live a good life.

I am so sorry @JungleZgok I cannot begin to imagine the pain and distress you must be feeling. I will be thinking of you and your DS and pray that he comes through this. You sound like a fantastic mum, try and stay strong. x

I am so so sorry that yous are going through this and that your son felt this was the only way out. My heart breaks for you all. I Echo was pps have said. Please don't blame yourself for this. You sound like an amazing Mum and a lovely family. I pray for yous that he pulls through this and gets the right help from the right person. Yous are in my thoughts.

I'm here to hold your hand. We have travelled a similar path. You sound like an amazing family. For now, just take things a minute at a time. Sending lots of love your way.

Another hand to hold here. Thinking of you and your family and especially your DS xxx

OP - sending you, your family and your wonderful DS so much love. Do not blame yourself as much as you feel it's your fault, it really really isn't.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You do sound like a lovely mum and your son sounds like a lovely young man.

It's concerning that he was put on ADs as it is widely known they can make teenagers feel even worse. How closely did they monitor him?

You are in my thoughts op, and your son. Praying for you.

As a parent to teenagers and young adults I just wanted to send you a virtual hug.

I hope he turns this around as soon as possible

My heart is absolutely broken for you @JungleZgok I cannot imagine the pain you're feeling! Sending you all the love in the world, and hoping for a positive outcome 💐

Another here, thinking of you, offering up prayers and hoping so much that he gets though this. The ICU staff will be doing all they can to save your beautiful son. xx

We're keeping you and and your lovely son in our hearts today ❤️❤️.

So hope he comes through, and in time, is able to see the sunshine of your family's love!

Sending love, hope and strength to you. I have an 18 year old son with anxiety and depression, he can't take meds because the side effects are awful for him.
You are living my worst fear and I'm so so sorry for you. Thinking of you every second today. As others have said, it's not a lack of love and support, it must have been something too overwhelming for your boy.. You sound like the most loving family, and I understand how helpless you must be feeling now. xxx

I’m so sorry you and your lovely son are going through this. You are living every parents worst nightmare.

If he had any other illness you would know that you couldn’t have done anything different, this is the same. You did everything you could.

Please know that the ICU staff are all willing your son to pull through and they will do everything they can for him.

So much love is being sent your way.

Sending a strong hug and a hand hold, mental health is just such an underrated issue, my eldest DS suffers with his mental health - so know how exhausting it is. Praying for good news and support onwards for your lovely family.

I'm so sorry for all the posters who have shared their stories of DC mental health challenges here.

You are all dealing with so much & staying so strong.