Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

So sorry for your situation, I genuinely wish I could do more than send thoughts and type messages.

Your son did not do this, his illness did, he fought it until he couldn't anymore.

This was 100% my son

Sometimes it’s easier to be open and vulnerable with strangers… Especially when you have been in “strong mother mode” for other people for so long. People only let you “know” the sides of themselves that they choose to share with you. My lovely DD is struggling at the moment and I have to helplessly wait for her to communicate her feelings. I suspect your DS appeared to be stronger for your benefit, until he couldn’t anymore. I’m so very sorry for the anguish you and your family must be going through. For what it’s worth, you sound like a mother I would have loved to have.

I'll be one of very many holding you and your whole family in heart and mind all through the day today, OP.

Thinking about you today & hoping for a miracle for you. Your ds knows he is loved, nobody really knows what pushes someone to make a decision like he did but never blame yourselves, you did everything you could xx

I've been thinking of you all night and you'll be in my thoughts today. I am so incredibly sorry.

You were my first thought this morning @JungleZgok and I am so desperately sorry for you. Our DD has attested to take her life at least three times this year and I worry every time she leaves the house we will get a call. I understand a tiny bit of what you are going through and I am hoping so desperately that today brings a miracle .

Oh love, you are in my thoughts and thinking of your daughters too. I wish I could make things better with MHS. Handhold right here.

Having lost a friend to suicide fairly recently, I don’t think that even being profoundly loved and supported by friends and family is enough to stop someone if they’re really unwell.

We’re here to chat if you want company OP.

@JungleZgok We’re all thinking of you today OP 💐I can’t even begin to understand the pain that you and your family are going through - but for what it’s worth from a complete stranger, I just wanted to say that you sound like an incredibly loving family. I know your DS knows how much he is loved.
And bless your lovely DD for sitting her exams ❤Sometimes in the face of something so huge it’s good to have something else to focus on too.
You’ll all get through this together. And for those moments when it’s easier to talk to a bunch of strangers (I’ve had many myself) - we’re here for you ❤️

Having an 18 year old son myself my heart bleeds for you. Sending you all the strength I have to get through what will be an unbearably heartbreaking day ❤️

I’ve reported your post runnerblade95 so MNHQ can delete it.

Thank you so much, thank you.

God, I feel awful.

My heart feels heavy for OP.

I’m so sorry, I don’t even know what else to say. 😞😞😞

I am so very very sorry.

OP I’m so so sorry to read your update. I’m sending you all the love and support I can.

JungleZgoK - I’m so very sorry xxx
Sending my love to you.

It’s ok @runnerblade95
your words were personal and supportive.
JungleZgok will understand xx

My heart aches for you and your son and all your family. You all sound utterly wonderful.

I have been holding you all in my thoughts since reading your first post and am desperately sorry you are facing the toughest of days. There is no fairness or reason.

Know there are mothers sitting next to you from all round the world who are so touched by the love you and your son share. and who will be holding you warm and tight in their thoughts and hearts. Your love for your son pours out of every word in your posts.

@runnerblade95

Second The Getaway, your post is supportive please don't be upset.

I'm so very very sorry @JungleZgok , sending you all my love, you and your family are in my thoughts xx

@runnerblade95
I have hidden your post for now

thinking of you @JungleZgok
I’m so sorry

Thoughts and love to you and your beautiful family xxx

Thank you so much @NiteWotcha

I really hope you get a miracle. My thoughts will be with you today.