Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

I have done, don't think I said anything out of line, if I did apologies.

I'm so so sorry at your latest update. Praying for you and yours. Breathe, sip some water, eat some toast, keep yourself going physically to deal with this and sending you thoughts and prayers and any solace you can find 💚

I think your post is lovely @Firefly1987

So do I, I scrolled back as was surprised. I think you spoke from your experience and I agree. The person suffering doesn't mean to pass the suffering on.

Thinking of you tonight. Your boy is surrounded with your love, and you are surrounded by the thoughts and prayers of everyone here.

I don't think you said anything out of line either, @Firefly1987. I think perhaps @EarringsandLipstick misunderstood what you were trying to say?

I think it was very clear from your post that you were telling the OP that she shouldn't blame herself in any way because her ds wouldn't want that. Hopefully the OP will take comfort from the experience and insights that you have shared.

Thanks I honestly don't want to upset OP or anyone I just know people have a lot of questions when someone takes this action just was trying to give my point of view as someone who has been in that same awful position x

I'm so sorry. I just can't find the right words but I'm so sorry for you and your lovely family. You sound like such lovely people and it's clear you did everything you could for your sweet boy.
Sending you hugs and prayers, be kind to yourself you couldn't have done any more you're a great mother.

I'm sure that the OP will understand what you were saying and the spirit in which it was intended.

My heart breaks for you dear. I have no other words except to say that you and your precious boy are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

Yes exactly, there is no blame at all, unfortunately it's a common thing so I just had to address it. I've been there I know why I'd have done it and how I felt about it and the last thing I'd want is for my family to be struggling with those sorts of questions and what ifs.

Sending you love , OP , and hoping for peace for you and your beautiful boy .
(@Firefly1987 , I am thankful you are still here - I found your message comforting)

So sorry 😞 xxx

Im so very sorry @JungleZgok

Carrying you and your family with me OP, I am so very sorry.

@Cagedbirdsinging oh thank you so much I'm so glad as I was panicking I'd said something really out of line. I'm relieved most people got what I meant. Maybe someone thought it was a bit early to be talking about the mindset of the person going through something like that so I apologise to any it offended wasn't my intention.

Oh sweetheart, I've been checking in all day and still hoping for the best for your family.

You're an incredible mum. Know that.

Lots of love and strength to you all.

I'm so so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I’m so sorry, I am a mum of teens and can only imagine how you are feeling tonight. Thinking of you, your family and your lovely son tonight and wishing for a miracle 😢

Firefly1987

Your post was heartfelt and absolutely fine, honestly. There will be many people that will find great comfort in your post. I think the PP may have been referring to your last comment on your post, (which was along the lines of wishing her son gets better soon). The OP had added an update, saying that tomorrow will be a very sad day for them. I think the PP was just letting you know you may have missed the latest update, but I may be wrong.

Thank you for opening your heart up to us like you did.

Thinking of you and your family and hoping for a miracle x

Oh I am so , so sorry to read your update. No words , what could I possibly say ,

Your beautiful, beautiful boy 😔

Oh Op, so sorry to hear your update, I’ve been thinking about you all day. Sending you hugs and strength xx

I'm so so sorry to see your update, and devastated for you all. As others have said no-one is to blame in this, sometimes life is just too hard to cope with. I hope and pray that your brave son will pull through tonight though, sending lots of love to you all, you are all in my thoughts

I'm so very sorry to hear this, I cannot even begin to imagine what your family are going through. You will be in my thoughts. Sending your family a giant hug.