Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

1000 replies

JungleZgok · 26/05/2022 05:44

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

OP posts:
OversBo · 26/05/2022 19:29

Oh love, I’m thinking of you. Sending a virtual hug.

Andouillette · 26/05/2022 19:30

@JungleZgok words almost fail me. I am so desperately sorry that you and your family find yourself in this hideous, heartbreaking situation. Every parent's worst nightmare. You sound like the most wonderful mother a boy could have, please try and accept that and do not question yourself. In a just world a tragedy like this should not happen but the world is not just and sometimes a person, however much loved cannot see past the darkness they feel.
I hope that you can feel some of the care and love issuing from these messages, there is a huge wave of support for you and great sorrow too. For any of us who have DC with mental health difficulties it is always a case of 'there but for the grace of God go I' and the ever present fear of 'something' happening. I desperately wish that you and your lovely family were not living it. Apart from anything else it is so utterly unfair.
My love and prayers to you and your family. I wish peace and comfort to all of you and also to your sweet boy. Please look after yourselves as best you can.

lunar1 · 26/05/2022 19:32

I'm so sorry you haven't had better news. You and your lovely son are in my thoughts.

Maray1967 · 26/05/2022 19:33

I am so very sorry to read this and I am thinking of you, your husband and daughters, and all the family.
Your lovely son brought so much joy to your lives and I hope those memories will give you some comfort.

MarpleFan · 26/05/2022 19:36

I'm am so desperately sorry to read this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you much love at this terribly sad time.

dane8 · 26/05/2022 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 26/05/2022 19:36

Someone once described what they called a Star Child to me. She said they come from a place of love (heaven if you like) and their time on Earth is hard for them because they know perfect love and struggle to cope with cruelty, pain and injustices and that is their burden, the cost of their empathy. Their soul longs to return to that peace and love and that must be a strong pull. Your description of your son brought that to my mind, even though it has been 20 years since I heard it.

This may be too fanciful for you and I don’t mean to upset you at all. Your boy and your family sound wonderful and he is blessed to have had you all. I will remember you and your family in my prayers x

shmivorytower · 26/05/2022 19:37

My heart breaks for you. Will pray for your son.

EvenLess07 · 26/05/2022 19:37

I'm so sorry for all of you ❤️ I'll be thinking of you and your boy tonight x

Mamanyt · 26/05/2022 19:43

My heart with yours.

PickAChew · 26/05/2022 19:45

I'm so sorry your DS lost his sunshine. Your lovely DS is the same age as my DS, who also struggles with his mental health. Depression is so bloody cruel 💐

TwoDogs9 · 26/05/2022 19:45

So very sorry to read your update. Sending you love and praying that he improves overnight xxxx

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 26/05/2022 19:48

Oh op I'm so sorry to read about your darling boy.

I'm not very good with fancy words, and, I know, there is nothing I could ever say that will be if any comfort to you right now.

From a mum who has been in the position of my daughters life support being turned off, although my daughter was a little younger, I absolutely understand where you are at now and how you are feeling.

When you are ready for support there's a whole community of us who understand you don't wish to be a part of us, but we will welcome you, and listen to you, will listen to your stories about your darling boy, even if we have heard the story 100 times, will will use his name, and celebrate him and mourn him alongside you, whether you reach out on MN or wherever, you will be in undated with support from people who are a little further on this, the most awful journey, with you.

I don't know if you wish to read about the process, I know I did with my daughter, it brought me a feeling of control in a situation where I had absolutely none. If you do then please just ask and I will talk you through what happened with my dd, although my overriding memory at this point is that I opened a window to allow her to finally fly, pain free, and this is a memory that comforts me to this day (it's been many years now).

Once again I am so very sorry, so sorry life is being so cruel to you and your family, and I'm so sorry that you have to go through the hardest thing any parent ever has to go through.

If you don't mind I'll keep a candle burning all day tomorrow to help light the way for your boy ❤

I hope the night is as gentle on you all as it can possibly be.

Cantonet · 26/05/2022 19:48

I've reported your post dane8.

nocoolnamesleft · 26/05/2022 19:48

I am so sorry. There are hundreds of people on here who are holding you, your DS, and your family in their hearts.

BrendaBlessed · 26/05/2022 19:48

I am so so sorry. I have a slightly older DS who has not always found life easy. I have just messaged him to tell him what he means to me. Holding all of your family in my thoughts.

Colouringaddict · 26/05/2022 19:49

You and yours will be in my thoughts. I really hoped it would be a different result. Sending love to you all xx

Carly767 · 26/05/2022 19:50

So, so sorry, handholding

NealSeal · 26/05/2022 19:51

Oh my love, I’ve thought about you and your darling boy all day. I’m holding you in my heart and sending you strength. So so sorry to hear your update. 💔

Eggshausted · 26/05/2022 19:53

Sending you love and strength. I can’t imagine what you are going through xx

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 26/05/2022 19:53

Cantonet · 26/05/2022 19:48

I've reported your post dane8.

I have too.

FiveShelties · 26/05/2022 19:56

No words to help, but I am so very sorry.

Badqueen · 26/05/2022 19:57

This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.

JimmyShoo · 26/05/2022 19:57

I’m so very sorry.

Despinetta · 26/05/2022 19:57

I am so sorry to read your update. I will pray for your son.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.