Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

Hoping so so much that he comes through this and that you can all find a way forward.

My family experienced similar 6 years ago with a cousin. He left two young children behind and the most loving and supportive parents and siblings. It should never have happened.
There is nothing anyone could have done differently. It is like one day a mist came over him and somehow it seemed the best or only option for him.

We have felt every emotion under the sun and so can appreciate how you may be feeling.
Whatever happens over the coming hours and days (and I pray to whatever powers there are that he comes through it safe and well) you will all experience some very complex and challenging emotions. Please know they are all normal and all ok.

I will keep you, your boy and your family in my thoughts.

My best friend OD’d on a LOT of codeine recently, and was in ICU in a medical coma and on a ventilator and they told us to prepare for the worst. She was absolutely fine and home within 72 hours, thank God!

They have to be quite grim on ICU wards, but I believe that the majority pull through. Praying for you both❤️

Thinking of you and sending love and strength to you all x

((❤️))

This is heartbreaking OP. Sending strength to you and I hope your darling boy feels you nearby 💐

Thinking of you and wishing you a way out of your nightmare. Mental health is cruel and irrational. Your lovely boy would never have willingly chosen this path, and you are in no way to blame. You sound like a fantastic, empathetic and supportive mum.
Sending you a hand hold ❤

Praying for you and your son. He sounds like a wonderful lad - being kind is the best thing a person can be.

Another one sending you, your lovely boy and all your family every good wish OP

Your posts have broken my heart, OP.
I’m keeping you, your family and your darling boy in my thoughts and in my heart. ❤️

Checking back in and sending love and all the positive vibes I can muster to you all.

Sending you strength and best wishes. I hope the doctors can help him pull through. Heartbreaking and terrifying for you and your family. I know hard it is to have a child with mental health struggles and how hard it is for them to get the support they need and deserve 💐

Thinking of you ❤️

Re meds - I’m now late 30s, and have been on many types since I was 15. All they’d give me as a teen was Fluoxetine, in massive fucking doses and it made me significantly worse. By mid 20s, they’d realised that any SSRIs and SNRIs were Not Good for me. Spent 7 years on TCAs until I finally had a Psychiatrist referral that didn’t get bounced back (and have been under them for 5 years now).

Quetiapine and Pregabalin were life savers for me (with some Diazepam thrown in occasionally).

My experiences as a teen were horrendous, mostly due to the insistence that they just keep upping Fluox when I was reporting side effects like visual disturbances, increased paranoia and suicidal thoughts, worsening intrusive, rapid thoughts, physically shaking a lot of the time.

Equally I know plenty of people who have done really well on SSRIs as teens, but for me, it made me worse when I was already actively suicidal.

Sending lots of love and strength to you all💝

I haven't read all the messages. I've been at my gorgeous son's bedside. It's not looking good. The priest has given him Last Rites.

I can't bear to go home. but they'll switch off the machine tomorrow

I'm so so sorry. Thinking of you all and hope he pulls through.

Sending love and strength x

I am sorry to see your update. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

@JungleZgok my heart goes out to you at this awful time.

So sorry to read your latest update, OP. Praying for a miracle for you and for the strength to face whatever happens next ♥️

Oh no OP. I'm so sorry to read your update.

You and your family are in my thoughts. Please know that this isn't your fault and get support when you are ready to.

I'm so very sorry to see read this.

I'm so sorry.