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Original poster

Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

1000 replies

JungleZgok · 26/05/2022 05:44

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

OP posts:
Laiste · 26/05/2022 12:03

It's not your fault.
You couldn't have prevented it.
I send you all love and strength to pull through Flowers

SunshineCake · 26/05/2022 12:10

I am still thinking of you and my heart is in my stomach. I hope you get hope at lunch time.

elliejjtiny · 26/05/2022 12:13

Just offering a hand hold and saying that I have been where you are 15 months ago. This book www.amazon.co.uk/Take-My-Hand-fighting-motherhood-ebook/dp/B086R8ZXLP/ref=sr_1_2?crid=233IAGP05E886&keywords=take+my+hand&qid=1653563564&s=books&sprefix=take%2Cstripbooks%2C64&sr=1-2 was and still is an absolute lifeline to me.

AliceS1994 · 26/05/2022 12:16

Nothing to say but my most sincere condolences, I will be thinking of your family and hoping for a positive outcome

RedorangeyellowBLACK · 26/05/2022 12:19

You sound like an absolutely wonderful mum, there was nothing you could have done to have prevented this. My own lovely ds has struggled with his mental health for years. I hope above all hope your ds pulls though and will be thinking of you all.

Oioicaptain · 26/05/2022 12:28

Whilst a different situation, and not my own child, my husband ended up in ICU in a coma on life support a few years ago. We had a small child and young baby at the time. Please don't despair OP. The staff are absolutely fantastic in ICU. Whilst the name can seem intimidating, it simply means more intensive treatment than resting in a bed on a ward. The 'critical' term again means that it's serious, but is a fairly broad term. At the time we were told that my husband was the sickest person in intensive care on the ward, as he needed the most intensive and immediate treatment. However, as it turned out that once he had recovered, he had a better long term prognosis than many who were in hospital on the wards with more chronic ongoing conditions. Is your son on a ventilator? If he is, that can seem a very frightening proposition, but simply allows the body to rest whilst they take over its functions. Try not to focus on the whys and hows that he ended up there at this stage. People, teenagers in particular, can make rash decisions when unwell. Try to get small amounts of sleep, drink some water and try to eat small mouthfuls of food as and when you can. Thinking of you. Xx

Justaflippertyjibbet · 26/05/2022 12:38

My heart goes out to you. I know from past experience that we couldn’t reach out to our offspring in similar circumstances. We needed to talk to the professionals but as they are so bound by patient confidentiality this was not easy. Eventually we did mange this and it helped tremendously. I hope the staff in ICU are talking to you and giving you all the support you need to access the necessary services. Hope things will improve for you. X

Riverlee · 26/05/2022 12:47

Sending love from afar.

booboo24 · 26/05/2022 12:48

I'm so sorry to read this, how absolutely awful for you all. My thoughts are with you today and hoping that things improve so that he can get the help he needs. Sending love and strength to you all

PurpleFlower1983 · 26/05/2022 12:57

This is so heartbreaking. Sending love, prayers and strength to you and your family xxx

contrary13 · 26/05/2022 12:57

@JungleZgok - you and your family are in my thoughts today. Especially your darling boy.

My daughter was put on Quetiapine when she was 20 following a few psychotic breaks with reality and a diagnosis of bipolar2 and NPD with traits of EUPD and ADHD. She had previously been on several ADs from the time she was 17 and from my family's experience, she was more unstable during the first few weeks of the medication change than she'd been before (and she was pretty bad - which I've written about before on here). She attempted suicide three times in 6 months, but triggered by her then-boyfriend ending their relationship/as an emotional manipulation "tool". As her mother, whenever she ended up in hospital I just remember trying to work out where I went wrong - did I not tell her how much she was loved enough, etc... She's 26 now and still on the Quetiapine, but emotionally stable enough that she's actually doing okay.

I hope, and pray, that your son comes through this and is also able to lead a successful and happy life. Deep down, he will know how absolutely cherished he is by all of you - it's just that right now, his thoughts have been clouded by something that he either doesn't understand/realise, or even - and this is something that you have to contemplate, I'm afraid - want to admit to.

But I just wanted to remind you that you're not alone. We're all in your son's corner right now, hoping for the very best outcome possible. Flowers

MrsMidClegs · 26/05/2022 12:59

Tears and hugs for you OP. I know what this helplessness feels like. Take it easy on yourself and keep talking xxxx

NapoleonSolo · 26/05/2022 12:59

I have a son the same age. They have the weight of the world on their shoulders, this generation. I feel so sorry for them. I am sure you are a wonderful mother, but there is only so much we can do for them.

I will be thinking of you and your family and hope so much your DS pulls through.

Emelene · 26/05/2022 13:07

I’m praying for you and your family today OP. I hope you get good news.Flowers

Just a note to say I have experience with people who have been so unwell they have tried to take their own lives. They can and do get better with the right treatment and support. I so hope you can get that for your son.

pkim123 · 26/05/2022 13:16

JungleZgok · 26/05/2022 05:50

Thank you thatshallotbaby. I have tried so so hard to be a good mum to him always. He has always been very empathetic and a kind soul - always happy to help others and a quiet one.

Why couldn't I do more for him. I can't lose my beautiful son - I really can't.

Please do not blame yourself. You are a loving parent that obviously is trying their best. Try to continue to seek the help that he needs, but supportive, be loving, but never blame yourself. He would not want you to blame yourself. Bless you and your family.

IrisVersicolor · 26/05/2022 13:21

OP I’m so sorry. My nephew is 18 too. I’ve said a prayer for him, I really, really hope he makes it.

denbigh · 26/05/2022 13:26

Sending you and your family prayers and light... xxx

Cr3ateAUsername · 26/05/2022 13:27

Sending hugs your way, I pray you get some good news today. You sound like a wonderful Mother. Please do not blame yourself.

Just off topic, if you haven’t done so already I would let your daughter’s school know what has happened just in case this affects her ability to perform in her exams. They will definitely take this into consideration and let the exam boards know of the circumstances.

All the best x

liliainterfrutices · 26/05/2022 13:31

Thinking of you right now. I pray you get good news and that your lovely boy gets the right help going forwards. My son also has mental health issues and it’s so, so hard to know how to help them. You sound like a wonderful mother xxx

momtoboys · 26/05/2022 13:52

I am so sorry you are all going through this. We have struggled with some similar with one of my sons (21). It is an incredibly helpless feeling. Prayers for all of you

sazzy5 · 26/05/2022 13:54

So hard and so sad for you. It isn’t your fault, you sound like a wonderful Mother.
I hope you get some positive news. Huge hugs

EmeraldShamrock1 · 26/05/2022 14:02

Oh I'm so sorry.

The sensitive types whose heart is always on their sleeve are the best kind of people.

It's a shame they face trauma from the mean ones before realising how amazing their empathetic personality is.

My thoughts are with you and DS.

Minfilia · 26/05/2022 14:07

Sending you my love. And hoping you get good news today lovely.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 26/05/2022 14:11

Oh I'm so sorry.

The sensitive types whose heart is always on their sleeve are the best kind of people.

It's a shame they face trauma from the mean ones before realising how amazing their empathetic personality is.

My thoughts are with you and DS.

IhatMMc · 26/05/2022 14:12

Sending you my love Flowers

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