Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

I'm so very sorry to read this. Thinking of you all at such a heartbreaking time ❤️

I'm so sorry OP, thinking and praying for you all ❤️ every mums nightmare x

Another handhold here.... what you're going through is what all of us mums with teenage sons fear the most.
Unfortunately yes, it seems a SSRI dose increase can trigger greater likelihood of suicide attempts, and really should never be done without very close monitoring by a therapist or dr. I lost a dear friend this way a few years ago - who was struggling with depression but nowhere near suicidal. SSRI prescribed and then...

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, and I'm so sorry that your son is having such a terrible struggle with his mental health. Poor lad.

I know you're looking for possible answers, which is completely understandable, and yes, there is always a risk with antidepressants, particularly in younger people, that they will make people feel worse before they feel better and can increase thoughts of suicide in the short-term.

However, the fact that your son has been prescribed Quetiapine in addition to fluoexetine, at the age of 18, certainly indicates that he is extremely unwell, and this could have happened regardless of medication. As you know, that's not a prescribing decision that would have been taken lightly, and I would guess that the risks of not giving him medication would have outweighed the risks of taking it. It's such a terrible balancing act.

I've had significant depressive episodes in my life, and I promise you that there is nothing you could have done differently to prevent this from happening. You've clearly done everything you can to get your son the treatment he needs and you love him very much. None of this is your fault, any more than it would be your fault if his illness was physical.

All my love and best wishes to you.

I’m so so sorry to read this 😢 sending love and best wishes to you and your family and your beautiful boy xxx

Oh sweet heart I'm so sorry. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything okay for you. My Prayers love and thoughts are with you at this dreadful time. I can almost feel your pain and its tearing me apart
I pray and hope with every fibre of my soul that your beautiful boy will pull through.

Thinking of you OP

Just adding my voice to the many others - thinking of you, your boy and the rest of your family. Xxx

Sending love and gentle hugs to you and your family, OP.

From someone who was frequently suicidal as a teen/young adult, and is now a pretty contented, well balanced middle aged person - life can seem very hard at that age; it can and often does get better. There are a lot of things that can and do help.

Happy to chat if it might be of help. x

Just adding my hand hold to the others. I am also sending love to you all xx

I am thinking of you too OP and willing you and your family strength and hoping that your boy will get through this.

I have a girl the same age as your boy who like him is very kind and empathetic. She suffers anxiety and has had some CAMHS treatment but it's up and down with her.

It's difficult for me to understand what she goes through but some of the posts on here have helped to explain and although I haven't been able to contribute I hope that other posts have been of some help to you.

So sorry OP. Thinking of you, your DS and your DDs.

In your trouble we think of you
In your sickness we pray for you
In your distress we uphold you
In your darkness we enfold you.
You are never alone we are with you
And our loving God he will seek you

OP I'm thinking of you and hoping so much for some good news

It’s alarming that an antidepressant meant to help someone , may in some cases trigger suicidal thoughts and worse, especially in younger people who are vulnerable anyway in terms of mental health.

Op, Sincerely hope your lovely son pulls through, and that his emotional pain eventually diminishes.

I too fear suicide , especially in younger males.
They seem more emotionally fragile than girls, and harder to “ Reach” when feeling low.

OP, sending love and prayers to you and your beautiful son

Handhold here and sending much love and positivity. I have a DS17.5 who spiralled down last year as a result of the pandemic, maybe he would have done anyway.
He refused help but did have a couple of amazing friends who talked him out of attempting suicide a couple of times.
The panic I felt when I found the note he’d drafted was overwhelming.
He ended up going out with one of the friends and also supported her when she spiralled herself but unfortunately she resorted to drugs ( not the legal type) he eventually had to walk away from the relationship as he realised that he couldn’t help her. I think this was a massive turning point for him when he had to go through the trauma of splitting up. I worried constantly but he has emerged a much stronger person.
DS’s big problem was lack of social contact and he desperately missed his beloved sport. As soon as he stared to train and have a focus the natural endorphins kicked in and he found his purpose again.
This age group have really lost so much due to the pandemic. If they are lucky they have friends who share and support. Unfortunately boys are not good at sharing. DS was lucky that he had a friend who is similar to him (only child and able to talk about their feelings) they are both big burly rugby players but also caring and sensitive. I will forever be grateful to his friend for being there.

There is always hope. My DS’s recovery was slow and at every turn he has been faced by some incredibly traumatic events ( for a teenager). I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, he chose to split up with his first love despite it being the last thing he wanted to do and then 3 months ago my DH ( his ddad) had a stroke.

He has had to grow up quickly and has realised that we may not always be around to support him. He launched himself into learning to drive, he could see how exhausted I was taking on the role of single parent ( while DH is out of action). I really hope he passes first time so he can feel the elation of passing something through his own endeavour. He was so disappointed that their GCSEs were cancelled, this was the real trigger for his depression. Being awarded grades for exams they didn’t sit was a real damp squib.

I hope you don’t mind me rambling on but they can turn it around. I have no solutions. At 18 they are their own person and nothing you say or do helps. It is so frustrating. The only thing I encouraged my DS to do was to get back into his sport. It was gradual but he is now back where he was 2 yrs ago. It has been heartbreaking at times but I hope he has learned some coping strategies and how to identify the triggers.

My biggest problem now is my “other “ teenager. DH is likely to make a full recovery from his stroke but he is impatient and very low at the moment. Again all I can do is just be there.

Thinking of you and your family and hoping that your beautiful boy pulls through x

Another random stranger mother reaching out to offer solidarity.

They are always our babies.

@10HailMarys
Every single word you have said is so true.
OP am thinking of you and your darling son 💐

Sending you so much love & strength. What an incredible mother your son has ❤️

Sending much love to you and your family. I know it is so hard to do, but please try not to blame yourself, you have done everything you can. Praying that the doctors can give your son the help he needs and that happier times are ahead for him in the future.

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this,I too have been in this situation and it's heartbreaking,sending love to you and your family x❤

My heart goes out to you and your family op.

I've been so close to where your son was several times and only by the grace of God am I still here.

Often it wasn't even about wanting to die but just not wanting to live anymore and death seems the only way to escape the darkness.

You couldn't have done more for your son.

Holding you, your DS and family in the light...