PLEASE HELP. Heartbroken *edited by MNHQ to say that sadly this thread requires a content warning for the loss of a child*

[xaxs]

long story short, I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy just short of 2 weeks ago, who was stillborn, I CAN. not. BREATHE. I feel as though I am suffocating daily, I cry endlessly, i question why me? i just can't believe it, without a doubt THE hardest thing I have ever been through in my life, why is life so cruel? I had everything set to be a mommy to my son and just been snatched away from me.

I can't sleep, when I do I wake up in pain and panicky screaming out loud but with no noise. I shut my eyes and the day replays over and over in my head, I can't find the words to say how it feels.

Worst is no one else has the answers, I feel awful having to tell people what's happened when they message asking how I am as I would've been due anyday now. It's heart wrenching honestly.

I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this (obviously I know I'm not alone I'm still births) but just how they coped with it😣 my sons dad just says he's so sorry and doesn't speak about him or the situation nor was he there at the birth and i suppose part of me resents him for that.

How utterly devastating, I’m going to bed now but the last thing I will do is remember you specifically in my prayers. I’m not sure if that’s any comfort. But either way, just know I’m thinking of you.

I'm so sorry 😞

I'm so sorry, there aren't words for how much pain you must be in.

What is your sons name? If you want to share it of course, Xxx

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Please keep talking on here

@FlexibleWorkingDenied

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Please keep talking on here

im sorry im new to this site and have been trying to figure out how to reply, just wish someone who has been through the same thing could advise me how they live daily knowing what they've been through, it's so hard 💔

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee

I'm so sorry, there aren't words for how much pain you must be in.

What is your sons name? If you want to share it of course, Xxx

his name is Luca and he was so beautiful😪

@Lofari

I'm so sorry 😞

❤️😞

I am so very sorry for the your awful loss xaxs. I am sure that you were a wonderful mommy to your little boy when he was snug inside you, and that you would have been an amazing mommy to him as he grew up, but for some terribly sad reason that was not to be. You will always be his mommy, and I am absolutely positive that he felt your incredible love for him. I do hope you can get some quality sleep tonight. I am sending you a big gentle hug, and holding you and your little one in my heart xxx

@raffle

How utterly devastating, I’m going to bed now but the last thing I will do is remember you specifically in my prayers. I’m not sure if that’s any comfort. But either way, just know I’m thinking of you.

how lovely of you, thank you so much x

@TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek

I am so very sorry for the your awful loss xaxs. I am sure that you were a wonderful mommy to your little boy when he was snug inside you, and that you would have been an amazing mommy to him as he grew up, but for some terribly sad reason that was not to be. You will always be his mommy, and I am absolutely positive that he felt your incredible love for him. I do hope you can get some quality sleep tonight. I am sending you a big gentle hug, and holding you and your little one in my heart xxx

thank you so much, I did love him more than words will ever be able to say, just so heartbroken I'm scared to fall asleep because I know I keep reliving this nightmare and then I wake up and come to terms with the fact he no longer is safe inside of me, I'd do anything to hold him, smell him, watch him grow up. Life is so cruel x

I’m so sorry for you loss 💔

I lost my little girl 3 years ago she was aged 2.. the days after are a blur but take as much time as you need for your self - life is so so cruel 😢😢 even now there’s days I feel like you are now

Don’t feel you have to answer to anyone or stick to any plans you make each day is different take each hour as it comes, cry when you need to, shout when you need to just don’t hold it all in

Hoping you have plenty off people around you for support xxx

I am so sorry. Perhaps you could ask a close friend and a family member to let people know .

Is there Someone who can sit up at night with you for a couple weeks? I am so sorry. I more nights are hardest for coping with terrible pain and it would help you not to be alone.

Terribly sorry for you. Hard to imagine anything more devastating. I hope you can seek professional counseling. Will keep you and your baby in my thoughts.

@BLKS7

I’m so sorry for you loss 💔

I lost my little girl 3 years ago she was aged 2.. the days after are a blur but take as much time as you need for your self - life is so so cruel 😢😢 even now there’s days I feel like you are now

Don’t feel you have to answer to anyone or stick to any plans you make each day is different take each hour as it comes, cry when you need to, shout when you need to just don’t hold it all in

Hoping you have plenty off people around you for support xxx

I'm so so sorry to hear about your little girl, life is so cruel and the worst possible things happen to genuinely good people and it's heartbreaking😣💔

I just feel like I am suffocating right now, my family are here for me but I find myself pushing them away as they don't have answers and I no they're only looking out for me but I'm sick of hearing the words you're so strong you will get through it because to me right now I'm the weakest person I know, I'm not strong at all. And unfortunately there's nothing anyone can do?

Just constant cycle at the minute of crying to sleep and waking up crying it's hard x x

I'm so sorry Luca didn't get to stay with you - would you like to talk about him? You're still his mummy and always will be.

I don't have experience but have you tried SANDS? Could you ask your GP for advice?

I will say though that as horrendous and unspeakable as it is I think that it's totally normal and natural that you feel like this. I'm not saying that to belittle it AT ALL I just mean I wouldn't want you thinking that anyone would be feeling this way.

I think , again from my naïve position, that getting through each minute is just how to look at it. Are you with Luca's dad? Could he help you find support? I think it's ok to resent that he wasn't there for the birth - did you have anyone with you? It doesn't matter if it was not at all his fault he wasn't there, it was a horrendous thing and it's ok to be resentful.

I wish I could say something more useful. I do have a friend who went through very similar and felt just like you do now. Her son would've been older now and although she obviously remembers and loves and misses him she does have a life, she does smile and laugh and enjoy life again.

@Maxiedog123

I am so sorry. Perhaps you could ask a close friend and a family member to let people know .

I've spoken to my family and they are all there for me 100% I would be completely lost without them. It's just hard for people to understand who haven't been through it themselves, as I'm hoping someone who has been through similar can advise me on how they coped 😞

My dad used to say "life is savage sometimes."

Try to rest a bit. This is not your fault.

@JaneEyress

Is there Someone who can sit up at night with you for a couple weeks? I am so sorry. I more nights are hardest for coping with terrible pain and it would help you not to be alone.

it's hard because I understand that life does go on and people have their own lives to live, my mom has stayed with me and hugged me every night until a few nights ago when I just wanted to be by myself. I stayed with my partner last night but to be honest he doesn't help me and I almost feel guilty if I keep him awake as he works but he is totally cut off about it all and avoids talking about it and just says he is so sorry and that I need to be strong just so hard x

@KosherDill

Terribly sorry for you. Hard to imagine anything more devastating. I hope you can seek professional counseling. Will keep you and your baby in my thoughts.

i have been up googling counselling websites and forums for moms going through similar, just don't know what to do with myself x

@thaegumathteth

I'm so sorry Luca didn't get to stay with you - would you like to talk about him? You're still his mummy and always will be.

I don't have experience but have you tried SANDS? Could you ask your GP for advice?

I will say though that as horrendous and unspeakable as it is I think that it's totally normal and natural that you feel like this. I'm not saying that to belittle it AT ALL I just mean I wouldn't want you thinking that anyone would be feeling this way.

I think , again from my naïve position, that getting through each minute is just how to look at it. Are you with Luca's dad? Could he help you find support? I think it's ok to resent that he wasn't there for the birth - did you have anyone with you? It doesn't matter if it was not at all his fault he wasn't there, it was a horrendous thing and it's ok to be resentful.

I wish I could say something more useful. I do have a friend who went through very similar and felt just like you do now. Her son would've been older now and although she obviously remembers and loves and misses him she does have a life, she does smile and laugh and enjoy life again.

I'm in a stage of feeling horrible guilt talking about him because I don't want to upset people when they see me so upset, I just can't explain how I feel right now.

We are together but living separately which isn't helping but that's how it has been for a while due to not getting on so much before our son was born, and as he wasn't there at the birth i suppose I have pushed him away for the way he has dealt with it, I think to myself he expects giving me time alone and just saying sorry that I'll wake up one day and be fine if that makes sense, it's just so hard x

It's nice to hear about your friend and I'm sorry for her loss.. I know I have to be strong and I know my baby is with me everyday I just so wish he was here 💔

@KosherDill

My dad used to say "life is savage sometimes."

Try to rest a bit. This is not your fault.

💔❤️

@thaegumathteth

I'm so sorry Luca didn't get to stay with you - would you like to talk about him? You're still his mummy and always will be.

I don't have experience but have you tried SANDS? Could you ask your GP for advice?

I will say though that as horrendous and unspeakable as it is I think that it's totally normal and natural that you feel like this. I'm not saying that to belittle it AT ALL I just mean I wouldn't want you thinking that anyone would be feeling this way.

I think , again from my naïve position, that getting through each minute is just how to look at it. Are you with Luca's dad? Could he help you find support? I think it's ok to resent that he wasn't there for the birth - did you have anyone with you? It doesn't matter if it was not at all his fault he wasn't there, it was a horrendous thing and it's ok to be resentful.

I wish I could say something more useful. I do have a friend who went through very similar and felt just like you do now. Her son would've been older now and although she obviously remembers and loves and misses him she does have a life, she does smile and laugh and enjoy life again.

I forgot to add I have signed up for SANDS im just awaiting to be approved so I can join their online community x

@xaxs

I'm so sorry I don't have any advice, I'm just sending this as another person lying awake in the middle of the night in pain.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sending you so much love, strength and big hugs x

Oh you don't have to be strong, really. You just have to be whatever you need to be to get through this and that will change from one second to the next.

It's really hard when you are grieving and want to connect with someone but they're grieving differently. I hope you hear from SANDS soon.

Is there a way you (or someone else) could just let everyone know what's happened so you're not repeating yourself?