PLEASE HELP. Heartbroken *edited by MNHQ to say that sadly this thread requires a content warning for the loss of a child*

[xaxs]

long story short, I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy just short of 2 weeks ago, who was stillborn, I CAN. not. BREATHE. I feel as though I am suffocating daily, I cry endlessly, i question why me? i just can't believe it, without a doubt THE hardest thing I have ever been through in my life, why is life so cruel? I had everything set to be a mommy to my son and just been snatched away from me.

I can't sleep, when I do I wake up in pain and panicky screaming out loud but with no noise. I shut my eyes and the day replays over and over in my head, I can't find the words to say how it feels.

Worst is no one else has the answers, I feel awful having to tell people what's happened when they message asking how I am as I would've been due anyday now. It's heart wrenching honestly.

I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this (obviously I know I'm not alone I'm still births) but just how they coped with it😣 my sons dad just says he's so sorry and doesn't speak about him or the situation nor was he there at the birth and i suppose part of me resents him for that.

I'm so sorry about Luca's death.
I haven't experienced still birth so I know this isn't the same - but your question about how you cope with the pain reminded me of how I felt after miscarriage. I remember asking a friend the same thing.
She told me you do cope. Like the grief is a massive rucksack filled with big stones. And right now it's just been put on your shoulders and your knees are buckling with the weight of it and you can't lift a foot.
And that rucksack never comes off - but you get used to it being there. You grow stronger and your body and mind adapt to the rucksack/grief being there.
I hope that's helpful. I trusted her that I'd get through it even tho i was very low and she was right.
Definitely get sleeping pills and treat body and mind.

I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss.

I would also say speak to your GP about some sleeping pills. They will help give you the physical strength to endure the days.

After a MC someone said that the soul would find me again, they just needed another go at the biological stuff.

Lovely name OP.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Not sure if this would help you or not as its definitely not for everyone, but I'd plan to go on a solitary trip. Somewhere wild and quiet - a far away beach or maybe the moors of Yorkshire. Rent a small cottage and just completely let myself wallow in doing nothing but a few walks for a week. Let my body and mind totally rest and grieve what has happened.

I'm so sorry you are going through this I won't pretend to understand what your going through but unfortunately I do have experience of this I lost my little boy to stillbirth in 2008 I can still remember it like it was yesterday please feel free to dm me anytime xxx

Oh you darling girl, I have no wisdom to share (mercifully for me) but am so very, very sorry that your beautiful boy is not with you as he should be.
Much love.

@xaxs
Keeping you in my thoughts and I hope you get the support you need. Pleaser remember that someone on here will ALWAYS answer your messages of distress and we will always be here for you in spirit.
🕊️and hugs 💐

Not sire if this link will work but just came up on Facebook www.facebook.com/129617873765147/posts/5621910187869194/
Might help

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby Luca.

I'm so sorry you didn't get to keep him longer, as you absolutely deserved to.
Luca knew know pain or grief, his whole life was spent snuggled in his Mummy, curled next to your heart beat, hearing your voice, feeling you rock him, sharing your meals and yourself. It wasn't a long life but it was a beautiful one, and it was beautiful because of you. You couldn't have loved him more or been a better Mummy.
His DNA is mixed with yours. It's in your blood stream, passing through your heart every beat. He'll be with you always.

I’m so, terribly sorry for the loss of your beautiful little boy Luca. I’m also a bereaved mum, I lost my little boy 10 Yrs ago. Life is now before, and after, everything is framed around his loss.

I remember the first few months/years after losing my son, all I could do was read, stare at the Telly, and try and pass the time. I was just living minute to minute. I found hearing other stories helpful, and eventually, I was able to connect with other bereaved parents and attend support groups.

I’m in the US, so I’m sorry these aren’t UK based. But hopefully you can just begin with reading and hearing others stories. Know that a group of bereaved parents that went before you are holding you up and sending you strength.

Compassionate Friends care for bereaved parents, and sibling.
www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/to-the-newly-bereaved/
They produce a monthly magazine and all the magazines backcopies are here.
www.compassionatefriends.org/resources/we-need-not-walk-alone

This group, Alive Alone, give care for parents who’ve lost their only child.
www.alivealone.

This group was started by a mum who had a stillborn daughter. She’s also a professor and specialist in grief studies, and her site has a forum for chat or just reading.
www.missfoundation.org/grieving/

Oh my love. Life can be so unkind.
I hope this thread has been of help. It is good that sites like this exist nowadays.

Our little boy lived for a very short time nearly 25 years ago. I know the pain and agree you need to see your Dr for some help asap.

Grief is a raw and difficult process, not helped by the rigours and hormonal fluctuations of pregnancy and birth. I hope you are getting support still from the midwives through this early part of the 4th trimester.

I can promise that in time the pain begins to ease and the happier periods get longer and the saddest periods shorter. Eventually the darkness lifts and life returns to its more usual groove with bumps along the way. Personally I didn't find counselling helpful, prayer and church support did, but it helps many people and may be even more important bearing in mind your relationship difficulties. Even in very strong relationships different people deal with tragedy and bereavement differently. It is something you learn about each other.

Your son will be with you always. My second son is my quieter more sensitive boy, darker and more slightly built than his siblings. He would have chosen music over sport. He would be 25 this year.

I do hope you have family to support you through this difficult time.

It is getting light now and I am glad night is at its end for you today. Take it slowly and again you will learn to go well again.

I am so so sorry for your loss.
I have not been there but had a late miscarriage and felt maybe a lesser version of this.
I used helplines you can use SANDS their line opens at 10am there will be a person to talk to who can help or just be an ear. There are the samaritans too at any time day or night.
It might feel like you're going mad but that is grief. Hormones make things so much worse.
I wish so much you had your little baby Luca to hold and I am sending you all of my thoughts.
I hope you can find a counsellor, this is too much to process alone. x

Sending you so much love ❤️

I’m so sorry x

Please do contact your GP today and ask for sleeping tablets and maybe anti depressants as well- they won’t magically fix it, nothing can, but they will help your body cope with all the massive hormones and feelings overwhelming it right now.

You don’t “need to be strong” right now, you need to grieve. Right now just do that, and get through each hour. If someone can drop you off some easy food then great, if not do an online shop when you have a moment of feeling able. Nice bread, soup, cheese, fruit, flapjacks, decent ready meals etc- stuff that’s easy to fix.

You’re not alone x

Hi OP this is shit, I’m so sorry. My daughter died 3 years ago now. I promise you it gets easier. Your life will grow around your grief. For now, get in touch with sands for some support and take each day as it comes.

So sorry to hear this OP. Losing your baby boy is absolutely devastating and heartbreaking doesn't come close to how you are feeling.
I lost my baby boy on the 10th February 2010 so his 12th Angel Birthday coming up. I had an infection and passed it onto my baby. He lived for 3 hours but because of the infection he died.
The midwives gave me some information when I was in hospital and I joined a site called Sands. They were brilliant and really got me through the black days. I belonged to a forum where no one should belong to but it really helped me. They also have Sand groups around the country if you would prefer to speak to parents face to face.
I have a memory box which helped me and i write my baby a Birthday and Christmas card every year. I always will. It keeps his memory alive.
All I can say, is take one day at a time. It is a roller coaster but help is there. Please speak to the doctor/midwives.
Your little boy will always be with you carried around in your heart.
If you need to chat, please message me. Sending you lots of hugs. X

I'm so sorry about beautiful Luca. That truly is one of the most awful things to go through. Sending you hugs. Keep on talking on here too.

Later, if you feel up to it, you could contact the hospital to arrange a meeting to talk about your birth, see if that helps give you any closure.

💐

I am so sorry. I hope you can heal in time, sending you love & light.

I am so sorry. My sincere condolences.

Oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry for your horrendous enormous loss.
You are torn apart. Wail and cry and scream hug to you x

I lost my little girl at 2 days old. I can understand everything you are describing. I wanted someone to fix the feelings for me for someone to help, but for me the only thing that helped was time, just keep going however hurts the least, each day the waves of emotion will get a little bit less strong and frequent, but it will be hellish for now. I watched endless boxsets to try and distract my mind. Sands charity did help, especially through a subsequent pregnancy. It will get easier to bare, life will go on again, hold on xxx

I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. Luca was here and he was loved and he mattered so much. For all of time and history, there will never now not be a Universe without Luca in it, having heard your voice and heartbeat and loved you and been loved. As the lady above said, we hold you in our prayers xx

I am so so sorry @xpxa please keep talking/crying/shouting as much as you need your family and friends will understand. You are in my prayers x

I am so sorry, this is truly devastating for you

I am really sorry for your loss. It is a total nightmare situation, and very very difficult to deal with.

I know a few people who have experienced baby loss (a friend experienced stillbirth about 5 years ago and it’s quite a tight knit community). I think really you just need to find your people - you are not alone (unfortunately) and others will be able to support you. It is not your fault.

Talk about your baby and what you are experiencing, find those friends (old and new) who will make space for your grief.

And be kind to yourself.

Over time this will become easier to bear (I know this - I have friends who have done amazing things on the back of losing their baby). But right now it’s completely overwhelming and that’s ok.

This blog is very good: pineconesstudydays.wordpress.com/page/3/

This too is powerful (David Monteith’s poem about his daughter Grace): m.youtube.com/watch?v=dFD7mqqkPRE

And you will find others through there.