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Original poster

My amazing husband has died suddenly tonight

151 replies

Sockofthefall · 13/10/2021 01:09

I am broken. Our adult children are devastated. Today, 13th October is our wedding anniversary , 30 years. Being in the house is so painful, filled with wonderful memories of an amazing husband & friend. He was such a good dad , but I want him back with me in our bed, laughing & chatting. How do I cope? I don’t know where to start

OP posts:
ineedaholidayandwine · 13/10/2021 10:04

I'm so so sorry OP, my condolences to you and your family

Rachie1973 · 13/10/2021 10:04

I’m sorry for your loss Sock xxxx

Echobeachsomeday · 13/10/2021 10:04

I'm very sorry for you and your children's loss 💐

TheDogsMother · 13/10/2021 10:22

I'm so very sorry for your heart breaking loss. Flowers from a stranger at this difficult time.

FairyAtTheBottomOfTheGarden · 13/10/2021 10:23

I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you all the strength you need to get through this time Flowers

BadBear · 13/10/2021 10:31

So sorry for your loss. We lost my dad really suddenly a few months ago. We were and still are devastated. The feeling of loss has been the toughest to deal with, the fact that he will not be there to have a laugh with, to hug to talk to me.

There is absolutely nothing I can say that will make this better because nothing anyone has said to me did. All I have to say is hang in there. At some point it is supposed to get a bit easier to manage. Do what you have to do to feel like you're not losing your mind.

IHateCoronavirus · 13/10/2021 10:55

I’m so sorry op, it sounds as if he was very loved Flowers sending you strength.

Peridot1 · 13/10/2021 10:56

I am so sorry for your loss. Flowers

Words seem so inadequate but sending you lots of strength to get through. And as you know there is always someone here for support any time day or night.

Irishfarmer · 13/10/2021 10:59

I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is a cruel beast so be kind to yourself xo

Also, cannot believe someone would troll this post what an awful thing to do!

Smudgeis13 · 13/10/2021 11:05

So sorry to hear this. 30 years is a long time. But not long enough. Let people look after you.

Twobirdsinatree · 13/10/2021 11:21

This is awful. I'm really sorry this has happened to you. Its my worst nightmare and my husband is a lot older than me so I know that one day it will probably be me going through this as well.
It sounds like you were so happy together and so lucky to have that type of love and friendship for so long. It must be so painful to lose him.
I'm glad your children are there with you.
Sending you love 💐

Ticksallboxes · 13/10/2021 11:27

I am so, so sorry OP - I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Sending you a huge virtual hug and handhold Thanks

endofthelinefinally · 13/10/2021 11:38

I am so sorry for your loss. Flowers

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 13/10/2021 11:38

If it's any consolation I am a long time widow and can promise you that after perhaps a couple of years (give or take) you will start remembering your life together and what he brought to it rather than the devastating shock of his death.

It was certainly true of my husband's death. At first it was very hard. Now I smile every time I think of him. His death was nothing compared to his life.

The other thing I'd like to share is to not feel bad if anything temporarily lifts the gloom, and you find yourself smiling or laughing. Enjoy the moment. Don't seek out grief. Grief will come whether you seek it out or not.

Sending love and Flowers to you and your DC at this horrible time.

Mamanyt · 13/10/2021 11:46

You start by grieving. I know that sounds simplistic, but until the very worst of that is done, you really can't do much else. So for now, make sure that you eat, sleep when you can for as long as you can, and let the world turn on without you. And try not to make any life-changing decisions for a full year. It takes almost everyone that long before they are truly rational again, in all the small, hidden ways.

Meanwhile, my heart with yours.

JudgeJ · 13/10/2021 11:49

@Sockofthefall

My children are adults, early 20’s. They are a credit to him, he led by example through kindness & my boys have followed that trait I am proud to say .

Badlydrawnbear thank you for your supportive methods. I think practicality is what’s needed today, so I will keep busy Sad

So sorry for your loss, both your's and your children's, my OH died after 50+ years as lockdown was starting, it's awful. Someone has given you advice on the practicalities, when you register the death you'll be offered the chance to join the Tell Us Once scheme, this will deal with your Council, DVLA, Benefits if appropriate. We found out by accident that the Banks have a similar scheme, I think we found it through the Barclays Bereavement pages, they will inform any financial organisation, it's not well known.
BlackeyedSusan · 13/10/2021 11:57

so sorry lovely.

Practical advice . Get several copies of the death certificate as you need to send off originals not photocopies. It is cheaper to buy them at the time of registering the death than later.

LittleGwyneth · 13/10/2021 12:44

I am so beyond sorry, that is awful. Thinking of you Flowers

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 13/10/2021 13:09

I'm so sorry OP.

@PrawnofthePatriarchy your words are very moving to me, I feel the same about my husband who also died very much before his time. The first year I could only think about his suffering. Now I think much more about his wonderful life, although I'm still sad I won't talk with him again.

((((Hugs to you OP))))

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 13/10/2021 13:12

You have had some great advice on here, OP, as well, perhaps get a note pad and paper and start writing down the practical side of things. It helps to have lists of funeral related things, documentation, bills and so forth- it also gives you something to do when the days seem so long.

Josette77 · 13/10/2021 13:34

There are no words. I am so deeply sorry.

I second the suggestion to save voice mails and vacuum seal some clothing.

The admin stuff is a pain. If you have someone who can help you make a list once the death certificate is issued and can help you with that I highly recommend it.

Other than that, sleep, cry, whatever you need to do. My best friend stayed in bed, I am someone who needs to move constantly. However, your brain needs to cope, let it.

Sending you prayers and love.

Hereforthelaughs2020 · 13/10/2021 13:37

So sorry for your loss. Flowers

lifeover40 · 13/10/2021 13:51

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Although it might not seem like a comfort now, I''m so glad that you were able to have all those years and rasie your wonderful children together. What a blessing to your family, friends and the world that is.

One step at a time is how you will get through the next few days. I hope you come across wonderful people who will make that journey smoother for you.

Your children will be a lasting testament to what a wonderful dad he was. Thinking of you all xx

Tallisimo · 13/10/2021 14:00

I am so sorry x

MEgirl · 13/10/2021 14:19

I'm so sorry to hear this. I lost my husband 18 months ago very suddenly. He was taken to hospital, I wasn't allowed to go with and I never saw him again. My 3 children were 17 and 20 at the time.

All I can offer is to take it one day or even an hour at a time. It's a slow process but it does eventually get better.

Today, on what should have been our 25th wedding anniversary, I am taking myself of to a Gregory Porter concert on my own to quietly acknowledge the day. I know that he would have liked to go with me so I'll imagine him being there.

Wishing all the best.

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