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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

My amazing husband has died suddenly tonight

151 replies

Sockofthefall · 13/10/2021 01:09

I am broken. Our adult children are devastated. Today, 13th October is our wedding anniversary , 30 years. Being in the house is so painful, filled with wonderful memories of an amazing husband & friend. He was such a good dad , but I want him back with me in our bed, laughing & chatting. How do I cope? I don’t know where to start

OP posts:
Zebracat · 13/10/2021 08:34

That is so so cruel.

AlexaShutUp · 13/10/2021 08:38

That's one of the most shocking and awful things I've seen on these boards in all of the years I have been here, but please let's not allow it to derail the thread.

The OP needs support at a very difficult time. Let this thread be about that.

fruitbrewhaha · 13/10/2021 08:45

I'm really sorry Sock. Such sad news. Keeping busy is a good plan and just allow yourself time.

JinglingHellsBells · 13/10/2021 08:49

So sorry for your loss.

Can you get help in RL?

Goawaymorningsickeness · 13/10/2021 08:52

These threads always stop me in my tracks. I’m so sorry you and your children are going through this. 💐💐

Cocolapew · 13/10/2021 08:57

So sorry Flowers

Couchbettato · 13/10/2021 09:08

OP I'm sending you all my love.

I know it won't help right now, but when we lose a loved one we buy a tree to plant in the garden. Then every year, in their memory, we see new life reborn in spring.

I'm sure the neighbours think we're mad, but we'll sometimes go outside and talk to the trees too, especially when things are tough and we need fresh air and to cool off.

However you choose to cope, you've got all of my best wishes and I'll be thinking of you and your family today.

peachgreen · 13/10/2021 09:09

I'm so sorry @sockofthefall. My own beloved husband died suddenly almost a year ago. The pain you're feeling right now seems unbearable, I know. It IS unbearable, to be honest. But please know that it WILL ease. You will learn to live with your grief. You will even experience joy again. I miss my husband every minute of every day and I think I always will. But I am also glad to be alive, something that I never thought would happen in those early days.

Right now, though, it's a case of hour by hour for you. Sleep as much as you can - get some medical help with that if you need to. Try to eat, and if you can't eat have a sweet hot drink. Don't think ahead - simply focus on what you can do to make the next hour bearable. Surround yourself with people and don't be afraid to ask for what you need.

Sending you so, so much love. I am so sorry you're on this journey. It is horrendous. But you will make it, I promise.

Greenhand · 13/10/2021 09:12

No words I can find or craft will have any meaningful impact right now. All I can say is that I am really sorry that this has happened.

There have been some truly thoughtful suggestions other posters have made.

Alcemeg · 13/10/2021 09:15

I'm at a loss for words OP, thinking of you Flowers

ajandjjmum · 13/10/2021 09:16

So sorry for what you're going through OP - and although your DC are adults, they are still young. Flowers

Barney60 · 13/10/2021 09:18

been there OP, got the T shirt.
When your ready google" Way Up," its NOT a dating web site its for people like us, when the fuss has died down and everyone gets back into their normal life is when most find it hardest, its a web site with help and support where you can pour your heart out and all understand, no one judges, it was set up by a lady who lost her husband in a car accident and found there was nothing/nowhere that could help her. Theres thousands of us from aged 50-80 from all walks of life. There is a social life too when your ready, if you want it, they are angels, wish id found it sooner. You dont even have to post just read until /if your ever ready, i promise its not doom and gloom theres financial help too people who can point in the right direction. please book your self in for bereavement counselling its VERY important to take care of you now. sending a huge hug.

LimitIsUp · 13/10/2021 09:30

So very sorry Sockofthefall - an awful shock and a very sad loss. I hope that you and your sons can pull through it together Flowers

doodleygirl · 13/10/2021 09:50

I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers

TicTac80 · 13/10/2021 09:50

I can't imagine how devastated you and your sons must be feeling and I'm sending condolences. A dear friend of mine's husband died very suddenly about 8yrs back. They didn't have children and she was in her early 30's. She found WAY (widowed and young) a really wonderful, supportive and helpful resource when she was trying to find her way through the grief. As friends, we rallied around, but through WAY, she also found people who had been in her situation and could really relate to her.

Wishing you much strength xx

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 13/10/2021 09:52

I'm really sorry for your loss Flowers

knackeredcat · 13/10/2021 09:52

So sorry for your loss, OP Flowers

Iwant2move · 13/10/2021 09:53

I'm so truly sorry. What you are going through is horrific.
It is almost four years since my husband of thirty years was killed.
Do you have a close friend who can tell other people what they can do to help you?
I vividly recall knowing and understanding that I needed help but when asked, my mind would go blank. It was all I could do to make it through the next breath, the next moment. The pain was all consuming.
I wish I could come and hug you and reassure you that your ability to cope will increase. It will. x

alreadytaken · 13/10/2021 09:57

I am so sorry for your loss. Once past the initial shock it may be helpful to seek support from those who know what you are going through

www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/find-support/for-over-50s/ or
www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/

If you would like to talk about how it happened or memories of your life together here.

On a practical note you had good advice early in the thread. From experience obtain several death certificates as they will be needed for several of the organisations you have to deal with and they dont usually accept copies.

There is no right way to deal with grief but there are tasks that need to be completed and sometimes focusing on them can help you past the first few days.

echt · 13/10/2021 09:59

Sockofthefall, so very sorry for your loss.

This was me just over five years ago when my dear, lovely, funny, clever and great dad husband died suddenly. MN Bereavement was such a comfort.

I feel for you from the heart.

Many Thanks

languagelover96 · 13/10/2021 09:59

Hello. You are in my prayers. Take care of yourself and outsource. Let it all out.

spiderlight · 13/10/2021 10:00

So very sorry, OP - thinking of you Flowers

danni0509 · 13/10/2021 10:01

Oh bless you this is so sad to read. I’m sorry Sad

ImJustNotMeAnymore · 13/10/2021 10:02

So so sorry to read this 😢

waterlego · 13/10/2021 10:03

I’m so very sorry for your loss. Keeping busy with practicalities may be what you need for now. One step at a time, one hour at a time, one breath at a time. My thoughts are with you and your children who sound lovely- a testament to their wonderful parents. 💐

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