It's my daughters birthday today

[naynayisay]

She should be three. She died unexpectedly in her sleep last November from misdiagnosed bronchiolitis.

I don't know what to do with myself. We're going up to her grave to put up a little fence and lay down some flowers later. I don't know how to honour her without crying all day. I don't feel like I can face anyone or anything.

I miss her so much. The older children have been fine in the run up to her birthday (10 and 13) and DH is being strong. I feel like I'm the only one who's screaming inside.

I'm so so sorry for your loss op. Did you post about this at the time? I think I remember her little face and lovely name.

I can't imagine how you feel. If you need to cry all day that's OK. Sending love xx

I’m so sorry OP. No advice but sending love and strength to you and your family .

OP, I'm so sorry. I remember your original thread, it was awful and heartbreaking. It's so sad. You write about your daughter so beautifully. Wishing you strength ❤️❤️

Strength and ❤️ for @blindspots too.

Just received a letter from my solicitor stating that the inquest will be in March next year. It's broken me again.

Oh no. I'm sorry you are having to wait again .

Of all the bloody timing! At least you have a date now.

I am glad you managed to get through yesterday. Well done.

They say the anticipation can be worse than the day itself but I think they are both pretty bad most of the time. Followed by a flat empty feeling that this is for the rest of our lives.

Thank you everyone who was thinking of me and my Benjamin, as well as @naynayisay and the beautiful Wyatt

Oh @naynayisay, I'm so sorry. I cannot imagine how hard it must be. March is so far away. Sending love and strength xxx

I’ve often thought of your beautiful girl and wondered how you are. I can only imagine your pain. She looks an absolute treasure and your loss must be immeasurable. I know 3 families who have lost children- I know they are always touched that their child is spoken about and remembered so my only advice is to never feel that you can’t mention her. All the people who knew her will remember her with love and keep her memory alive. So terribly sorry that you and your family are going through this xxxx

A letter for DH arrived. I didn't think anything of it but he brought it in to me. It's a letter from the NHS saying they're now in a position to offer him a vasectomy with a DVD enclosed rather than counselling and we have four weeks to respond.

He got on the list when Wyatt was alive. When we were complete. Now the landscape has changed dramatically and we don't know if we want to rule out the option of having more children in the future because life feels so bleak at the moment without her. I know no child can ever fill the void but we anticipated raising another. Now we don't have her.

It feels like life is fucking with me this week.

My DH had his vasectomy the month after Benjamin was born (he got a cancellation appointment).

We have yet to decide if another baby would be right, let alone possible, but he has recently had a (successful) reversal so at least we have the option of trying now

So on that note I'd recommend your DH defers it as while it is not impossible to reverse should your minds change in the future; it is lot more intensive procedure than getting it done in the first place

I remember your daughter because of her beautiful name, I'm so desperately sorry for your loss. Sending you all my love ❤️

I also remember your beautiful girl from when you first posted and think about Wyatt and your family often ❤️ I'm just so sorry this happened.

Also @blindspots I'm so so sorry to hear about your beautiful boy Benjamin 💙

Sending so much love and light to you both.

Your beautiful little Bug is absolutely precious. That smile would melt anyone. I cannot imagine what you're going through, all I can say is how very sorry I am and that you sound lovely as do your family. I'm so sorry, thinking of you

@naynayisay there was a children's festival on at our local church today and I lit a candle in memory of your beautiful Wyatt.

Thinking of @blindspots and her little Benjamin too.

I remember this little angel.
Happy Belated Heavenly Birthday to her.
She will always be with you.
Lots of love to you and your family.

Shes beautiful. Happy birthday to your angel. I can't begin to imagine your pain and grief. Take care x

I too remember Wyatt Rose from your initial posts last year, and have been occasionally thinking of your family over the last few months. Few stories on MN have stuck with me, but the way you talk about her and the love for her that shines through your posts makes me realise what an absolute joy Wyatt must have been to you, and you to her. She is gorgeous and such a happy little kid in those photos.

Life can be so cruel sometimes, I can’t imagine what you are going through. I will be thinking of you and praying for your family tonight, if that’s ok with you

Thinking of you and your lovely family.

Thinking of you and the pain you are feeling. Whilst nothing will ever take that away, can I share something that might in time help a little...

42 years ago my best friend died, we were 4 years old. I can still hear her laugh, and can feel the feeling of her hand in mine as we sat side by side on swings in her garden. Even as little children, she touched my soul and became part of me forever. Your baby girl made the world a better place for being here even though it was for far far too short a time. Her love and being will be felt in so many ways for ever, by more people you can imagine.

❤️ for Wyatt and Benjamin, forever 2 ❤️

How you doing @naynayisay?

My heart hurts for you. It really resonated when you said about your life just lacking colour since she's gone. You are articulating it so well and it's good you are getting it out.

Are the NHS offering a vasectomy instead of counselling? Surely not? That's two very separate issues.

That really is a lot to process though. If I were you I'd be inclined to ignore their 4 week deadline. You went on the list in different circumstances and it's not a decision to be rushed x

Xxx

Thinking of you and sending love ❤️

So sorry