My mum has died suddenly

[kittlesticks]

My wonderful mum has died suddenly - I'm not sure of the exact details yet - she was 68, a wonderful mum, wife and grandma to three grandchildren aged 1 to 6.
I will miss her until the end of time. I loved her immeasurably.

@OutDamnPigeonOut your message struck a chord with me, thank you. Some days it just feels like I'm drowning in grief
So sorry for your loss it is horrific losing them at any age but as a teenager I just can't imagine when you need her guidance so much. Sending love

Holding your hand, OP

Bad day? X

@mrssunshinexxx I've only got the app and I can't see how to message sorry.
Just a really bad day - well, a bad month really - it's a month since the heart aneurysm took my Mum from me so abruptly. It's hard to see how I will feel happy again.

@alltalknobaby yup! Just feel adrift. Like what's the point. Mum was such a nice person who gave so much to the community and her friends, but what's the point? That's how I feel.

I lost my Mum unexpectedly a number of years ago I can totally relate to how you are feeling. My advice would be to allow yourself to feel sad now. I didn't, I pushed on as I needed to get stuff done and felt it was pointless to wallow but in retrospect I needed to properly feel the emotions that were churned up and I regret pushing so hard to carry on as normal. It will get easier but the feeling of how unfair it is to lose someone so special will always be there. I'm so sorry for your loss

@LoveAGoodToddlerTantrum thanks for the reply. Can I ask how you coped in the early days vs how you cope now?

When my mum died, she had terminal cancer but was still working and living her life. We were expecting more time, but her heart simply stopped one day unexpectedly.

OP, I can only talk to my experience but I found the adage that you need to live through a year and a day very true. You are deeply lost right now, and it's ok to feel that way and to struggle in coping. What's important is to lean on your support systems - you mentioned previously about seeing a grief counsellor?

I've found that my grief has never left me, but instead has grown with me. Some days I still feel the devastation that I don't have a mum anymore, and the anger/pain that I won't have her involved if I get married or have children.

But, most importantly I remember her with great love and acknowledgment of how lucky I was to have such an incredible mum. I only had her for 26 years but so many people in this life never get to have a day of the mother/daughter relationship we had.

@kittlesticks in the early days I refused to take time off work and got stuck into organising and 'getting on with things'. I actually didn't talk to anyone at all about how I was feeling for a year or so as I didn't want to get emotional. It's been 5 years now and I'm able to talk about Mum now. I still find it catches me when I see someone in a shop with their Mum, I get that pang of sadness for what I don't have any more. But it is easier. Rather than feeling sad every day there are a handful of days each year where it is hard but I can think of her and remember happy times without immediately feeling sad. Not sure if that makes sense it's a bit rambling. I'm so grateful that I had an amazing Mum. I'm lucky for that.

I feel exactly the same @kittlesticks my mum was a total one off so funny would do anything for anyone it makes me feel physically sick the fact I will never see her again. She was everything to me. My mum also died of a sudden aneurysm it's turned my world upside now

@YellowMonday on better days I try to live that mantra that I had 27 years of the best bond I could ever hope for but when the relationship is so so good it makes the loss so much harder to cope with

@mrssunshinexxx I'm so sorry. When did it happen? So sorry you're here with me x

@kittlesticks I don't want this to make you feel any worse or worry you but last April, and no it hasn't got an ounce easier I still sob every day I also have a young baby and am pregnant so it's so hard to decipher all the emotions I'm so happy to be pregnant and love my baby girl so much but I am also deeply sad all the time. People stop asking if you are ok etc you realise you really are living this alone . Do you have a relationship with your dad? X

So sorry for your loss OP. Your mum sounds like a wonderful person and your relationship so special. I loved my late grandmother like a second mother and years after her passing can still be caught by the ocassional wave of grief that stops me in my tracks. I find it helps to remember that she played such a huge role in my life that in some ways I am her, she lives on in me because she passed on so many of her values. It’s probably too soon for you to take much comfort from that but her love will stay with you forever

@mrssunshinexxx yes I'm close to my Dad but it feels like our previously normal father daughter dynamic is now replaced by me worrying about him and trying to help him with practical stuff - 10 years before I thought I would have to.
I have two DCs under 4. On a bad moment I feel like a parenting robot just getting through it and hoping the next day will feel easier.
I'm so sorry about your mum. So very sorry.

@YellowMonday yes I've been seeing a counsellor but I'm yet to really see how useful that's going to be. Counsellor is good tho, I get a good 'vibe' x

@DukeofEarlGrey thank you. I hope you're right. I loved her so much.

@kittlesticks you have my deepest sympathy too I wish I could work out how to DM I feel like we both feel very similar. I am not saying one is worse than the other becagse they are both equally horrific but there's just something about losing them so sudden vs a long illness when you know it's coming . I didn't even get 2 minutes of her being conscious for me to tell her she's the reason I am who I am and I am so Grateful for her. Sometimes I feel guilty as I've only visited her grave once but it's just not somewhere I want to go and think about her in the ground.
My dad moved on after 6 months and moved another woman in so I don't speak to him anymore I could write a novel on what a twat he has been but trying to put energy into my babies x