My mum has died suddenly

[kittlesticks]

My wonderful mum has died suddenly - I'm not sure of the exact details yet - she was 68, a wonderful mum, wife and grandma to three grandchildren aged 1 to 6.
I will miss her until the end of time. I loved her immeasurably.

@cptartapp I'm so sorry.

I currently have this feeling like I'm not sure how I'm still alive - my heart is always pounding and I feel this horrible blackness in my tummy.

@kittlesticks I'm so sorry for you. It sounds crazy but somewhere there is a good drawing of grief as a ball in a jar - it doesn't get smaller, but we get bigger around it as time goes on. It hurts so much, I know.

I'm so sorry op
Cherish all the wonderful and happy memories of your dear mum.
When you feel ready to share stories about her with your children.

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mum OP no one prepares you for such a great loss be gentle with yourself 💔 I recommend the book "Badgers parting gifts" found it really helpful and I made up a memory box for mine too xx

I'm so sorry for your loss.
When I lost my dad it helped me to think that he was no longer aware of anything, he couldn't suffer, he couldn't feel pain, nothing could affect him anymore. It was all of us left behind who had to deal with the pain.
However he was sick for a while, I can't imagine the shock of losing someone so suddenly.

Sending love and strength, you will get through this x

@kittlesticks My daughter was also 4 when my mum died - we said “Nana has died” and then just accepted other conversations as they came. The advice is to use “died” so it’s not ambiguous. We still have occasions of her saying she misses Nana and remembers things we did etc, we sometimes cry and I talk about how much we loved her and how much she loved us. It’s super tough but all you can’t do is be simple and honest, let them see emotions and feel them, and field it as it comes.

My daughter did ask if she would die - I just said no, people die when they are very very old or very very poorly and Nana had a very poorly heart.

I'm so sorry OP. Hugs.

So sorry to hear about your Mum, I lost my Dad suddenly to an aneurysm we knew nothing about, it was instant.

The shock and grief is immeasurable and you'll get tactless comments about how "it's the best way to go" and "at last they didn't suffer", just take no notice of them.

Honestly I wish I could give you advice on how to cope but I was overwhelmed for a very long time, it does however get easier to think about them and to talk about them.

You can keep her memory alive by talking about her, especially with your children.

Be kind to yourself too.x

Thinking of you @kittlesticks. Let us know how you’re doing xxx

I am so sorry for your loss OP. I lost my darling mum twenty years ago and I still miss her everyday. There will always be that missing chair at the table during family gatherings. The shock will numb the initial pain, and you'll probably be in a fog for a few weeks. But I can tell you that it does get easier. I do sometimes have a little cry, but the happy memories make me smile far more than cry. Take care xx

Thank you all.
I am incredibly wobbly I feel as if I might fall over a lot of the time - I have very young children and I need to carry on but I still can't believe I have to carry on without her. She was so central to my life.
We had a great relationship and she died in no doubt of how I felt about her, I also know she loved me and was proud of me but that doesn't stop the fact that I will miss her painfully every day.
I can occasionally hear her voice telling me something random which I hope is a normal symptom of a sudden loss like this.
I also can't imagine working or being able to send an email or anything. Mum would be telling me 'you just have to carry on.'

@Gertie75 lost my mum the same way

Is anyone there?

I lost my Mum when she was 66. She went from healthy to gone in 48hrs.
My kids were 1 and 3. My 13year old still remembers her which is lovely, especially the things he remembers : the smell of her hair, and her stories.
The permanence of death is horrible, and with the suddenness you are also in shock.
Keep going, and it will get better.

@kittlesticks

Is anyone there?

I'm here OP

@1starwars2 I can see her so vividly in my head that I just can't believe the situation I'm in.
I want my mum so much.

Hey kittlesticks, how are you doing today?

Quite... awful.

It's been a week since my Dad rang to say mum had died. She was a huge part of everything I did, she was my greatest ally in life.
I have the two little ones and it's even hard to be with them because all I can think about is how much she loved them.

How long is it acceptable to stay off work? I feel pressure to go back. They've been lovely but I am a real 'do-er' like my mum.

I lost my mum over 40 years ago, I was a teen, mum was in her 40s - I'm older now than she ever got to be. I will say this to you:

What you are feeling now is perfectly natural, your mum deserves to be mourned as she was wonderful and much loved.

And she's right, you have to carry on because you're the mother of young children - as she once was - and this is the crucial stage: getting your children to adulthood. Your mum did that, she saw her child grow and was privileged to meet her grandchildren.

So you're understandably angry and devastated now, don't be afraid of these feelings, they're natural. However, your mother's passing is part of the natural circle of life - every day people lose beloved people and bizarrely the world keeps turning.

It's your job now to raise your children to adulthood and you will do it with courage and joy because you are your mother's daughter.

I ended up being signed off sick for several weeks after my Mum died. Mostly stress but I also had an injury and just couldn't cope with the pain. My lovely GP explained that grief affects so many things - including pain tolerance..
One week isn't very long. It sounds like you need a bit more time.
Do you have anyone you can talk to about your Mum and how you're feeling? A bit of real life support is so helpful.

I am so sorry OP. I lost my Dad suddenly two years ago and know how hard it is.

Op l am so sorry, the feelings sound scary and overwhelming.

Your mum sounds wonderful, and sounds like she had a very happy life with lots of love.

I’m so sorry, OP. I hope you give yourself plenty of time and space, and don’t go back to work too early. Your mum sounds like a very warm and special woman, and yes, you’ll hear her talking to you, and sometimes laughing. I found this recently, when an uncle I was close to died. It’s normal, and the people we love deserve to be mourned, remembered, and celebrated.

I dread this happening to my parents, and send you a huge hug and 💐.

Thanks for all your replies and patience with me on this thread.
I keep shaking in the evenings I think once the kids have gone to bed the enormity just gets you.
My mum would never have wanted me to cry this much. I just loved her so much - so so much, and it was so unexpected. She was so full of life and joy - and now that's gone.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad died at the end of last year and it shattered my world. I had 3 weeks off work. My GP did actually sign me off for longer but I was feeling the pressure to go back after the first fortnight. It was too soon and I wish I had taken longer. Please only go back when you're ready, not when you think other people think you should be ready x