DSS is coming here tomorrow to discuss what needs doing and who's doing what.
He sent me a text today saying that he's decided he wants his mother, DP's ex, at the funeral. They split up 13 years ago.
She was emotionally, financially and physically abusive and describes herself as a functioning alcoholic. She regularly sent abusive and goady texts late at night. I changed my number, but she carried on sending them to DP now and again.
DSS thinks it's "not fair" to prevent her paying her respects. She was never "fair" and never showed him any respect in life. DSS thinks his dad would have wanted her there. I know his dad didn't even like sharing a planet with her, let alone have her come to his funeral.
MIL doesn't want her there, but also doesn't want to risk alienating her grandson. The rest of DP's family are horrified at the prospect of her being there, DP was incredibly damaged by what he went through, and would really struggle with her being there. And so would I.
DSS is still close to his ex, the mother of DGD and she will be there to support him.
Thankfully, Covid is on our side here, as there are already 35 people who want to come and many more we haven't heard back from, so maybe it's easily resolved by lack of numbers. We only want people who loved him, cared about him and didn't hurt him to be there when we say our goodbyes.
So tomorrow I am going to have to have a very difficult conversation with him, which I am dreading. I'm going to treat it like a drama audition and am getting into character: that of a calm, caring person who isn't on the brink of losing it completely.
Please send waves of self-control and tact my way tomorrow. When I read his text I nearly blew a gasket.