My Sister took her life last night

[Clevererthanyou]

Afternoon anyone who reads this,

An anonymous Internet forum seems like an odd place to bare my soul but I can’t do it in real life because I have to keep my Game Face on for my husband and son.
Last night, my beautiful 35 year old sister took an overdose and ended her life. She was the life and soul of ... well, life. She had three children who lived with their dad. She had a dog that she adored and called her baby. Our mum died last year of an accidental overdose and our dad died the year before that. The last time we spoke she told me she didn’t want to be here and I screamed at her that she had to stay because of me, my husband and son, her kids and her dog. I didn’t say “I’m here and I’m listening” like I should have. We had a private joke that she was my baby sister even though she was older because I would tell her off for doing dangerous things. We didn’t always get on but we always got over it. I don’t know if she left a note as I’m waiting for the police to come and see me to tell me what happened.
I’ve had what me and my sister called “bad nerves” for longer than I can remember and she did too, I should have seen the signs and helped but I didn’t. I’ve never lost somebody to suicide before so I don’t know how to process the thoughts I’m having or the feelings.

Has anyone else experienced this and knows what to do, how to behave, etc? Help me, please x

I didn’t say “I’m here and I’m listening” like I should have. I should have seen the signs and helped but I didn’t.

I am so sorry for your loss.
Speaking as somebody who has been suicidal in the past, you absolutely cannot see the signs and even if you had said you were there and you were listening then that doesn't mean it would have changed anything. If anybody had seen the signs with me (even the Samaritans didn't) then I doubt anything would have changed.

Be kind to yourself.

Oh @Clevererthanyou, I'm so very sorry.

I've been in a similar position to you - my sister also took her own life, 5 years ago now. She was 29.

For now, it's just a case of putting one foot in front of the other. Your body may do some strange things over the next few weeks/months, due to the shock.

The guilt and regret might be overwhelming at times - I suspect this is true for most people in this position. But the feeling of guilt is part of the grief - it doesn't mean you did anything wrong, or that you could have changed this. Life and other people are not controllable. I had to chant these things to myself sometimes, to get away from the sense that I should have done something different.

I did a lot of "game face", too, especially around my kids. My advice on this, if you're doing the same, is to make sure you have some time alone each day to let things go.

Again, I'm so sorry.

So sorry for your loss, we are a year down the road from same.
Throw away your game face, you need your husbands support.
Be prepared for some people to ask the most intrusive questions, have an answer ready that shuts them down and gives them no info, I regret getting caught on the hop by people I didn’t know too well and answering their questions because I was in shock.
You need a few close people you can talk, cry and scream to, this is not an easy road but with support you will get there.

So sorry for your loss

That is so sad. You must not blame yourself.

I am sorry. I lost my mother to suicide years ago.
My advice to add to all the others?
Right now, be careful who you let "in" at the moment. Be very choosy about your company and whom you choose to tell.
You will have, as you've experienced, idiots who ask you "How?"
(After months, I came up with "Does it matter? Dead is dead.")
You may also encounter people who will try to explain why - so that they feel better. I remember "it's God's plan," and "God wanted her with Him," comforting several other people.
Eat.
Sleep. If you're not sleeping, call your GP.
Looks like you've got options for private and family counseling.
Secure your oxygen mask first (as they say on airline flights) so you can then tend to your extended family.
So sorry. It sucks. Stop blaming yourself.

I am so very sorry. Hugs to you and your family. Thinking of you all. X

I have no advice, none whatsoever, but I didn't want to read and run.

Take your time, be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to grieve, be angry, be sad, cry, think about how wonderful your sister was, remember happy times, and everything in between.

Sending you a virtual hug ((O))

So sorry for your loss. It’s not your fault, so don’t blame yourself. Xx

So so sorry for your loss

Hi op I'm so sorry for your loss, I have experienced suicide in my family and my best friend took her own life by taking pills, my heart was and always will be broken but time does heal
You just do what you need to to grieve and maybe think about bereavement counselling once lockdown is over with, that helped me a lot and my GP sorted it all out for me
💐 so sorry op xxx

So sorry for your loss.

Don't think there is a right way to act or feel. There isn't.

xx

I'm so very sorry, *@Clevererthanyou. What a terrible shock at such an awful time. I'm sorry also for the loss of your parents and your baby. You've been through so much and you are still here and thinking of others. No more game face. With anyone. Be sure to take time for ourself every day and there is always someone on here to talk to should you want company.

for your mum, your dad, your baby and your sister.

Awful , so sorry. Get the very best help you can for you, now.

I’m just so sorry you are going through this . You are bound to be going over in your mind if you could have done anything differently but just don’t go there as it will only cause you more grief x
Concentrate on yourself and your little family unit and ignore anyone whose comments are unhelpful and intrusive.
I do hope you will seek the support you need to cope with such a shocking body as you are putting on your brave face for your family’s sake x

I am very sorry about your sister.
It is very sad, but it is not your fault at all.

Sorry for all the grief and loss in your family. It is good you contacted your doctor for some help.
I’m sure your knitting magazine kindness will help someone else.

So sorry for you, OP, what a desperately sad thing to happen after so much grief.

I’m sure you’ll get lots of support on here.

Im sorry. I experienced something similar, it is very hard to know what to say. I think one of the biggest issues was how to explain the death to the children. My mother quite rightly said it was no different from any other illness - X got I'll, and he didn't get better, he died of his illness.

I'm so sorry to you and your family ...

I've been having suicidal thoughts for days now, I've done weeks upon weeks of lockdown with no adult conversation or support. I am done in. Don't blame your sister, I know how desperate she felt.. don't blame yourself - she made up her own mind. Allow yourself to grieve and when lockdown is over, do some things that would make her proud - things that she won't get the chance to experience.

I’m so sorry

Very sorry for everything. You'll get plenty of good advice on here - I have no experience of this, so can't offer any. My condolences

I'm so sorry for you, not just for your loss but for the TRAUMA.

Don't berate yourself for not having said ''I'm here and I'm listening'', it would take zen like detachment to listen to somebody you love say what she said and not have an emotional reaction. Of course you had an emotional reaction!

Look after yourself. Do what you need to do to stay strong enough to deal with all of this.

I’m so sorry. How sad for you all.

I'm so sorry, OP.

Please know this is not your fault. It is absolutely not your fault. Please don't second guess yourself now about what you did versus what you think you should have done. This is not your fault.

Please tell your husband how you're feeling. Talking to him. And maybe get some help finding a support group. There are people there who can help.

Please take care of yourself.