My Sister took her life last night

[Clevererthanyou]

Afternoon anyone who reads this,

An anonymous Internet forum seems like an odd place to bare my soul but I can’t do it in real life because I have to keep my Game Face on for my husband and son.
Last night, my beautiful 35 year old sister took an overdose and ended her life. She was the life and soul of ... well, life. She had three children who lived with their dad. She had a dog that she adored and called her baby. Our mum died last year of an accidental overdose and our dad died the year before that. The last time we spoke she told me she didn’t want to be here and I screamed at her that she had to stay because of me, my husband and son, her kids and her dog. I didn’t say “I’m here and I’m listening” like I should have. We had a private joke that she was my baby sister even though she was older because I would tell her off for doing dangerous things. We didn’t always get on but we always got over it. I don’t know if she left a note as I’m waiting for the police to come and see me to tell me what happened.
I’ve had what me and my sister called “bad nerves” for longer than I can remember and she did too, I should have seen the signs and helped but I didn’t. I’ve never lost somebody to suicide before so I don’t know how to process the thoughts I’m having or the feelings.

Has anyone else experienced this and knows what to do, how to behave, etc? Help me, please x

@Clevererthanyou I'm so sorry to read this. RIP to your dear sister and to your parents xx You weren't to know that she was going to take her own life as people often say these things when they are down in the dumps but don't actually mean it. You should ring a bereavement support helpline like SOBS or the Samaritans, you do not need to put on a brave face for anyone. They are experienced with this situation and can advise you properly. Your sister is at peace and she wouldn't want you to blame yourself as it's not your fault. You really need to believe that. ((Hugs))

I am so very sorry for your loss xx

So sorry for all of your losses. I have suffered the loss of close family members and I have found Griefcast (a podcast about grieving) helpful. There are different guests who have lost different family members in different circumstances. Many are comedians so it's not as upsetting as it sounds. I have found it helpful at all different stages of the grief process. I also would say that it is worth thinking about referring yourself to local mental health/mental wellbeing services. Having someone objective to talk to is useful. Go easy on yourself and focus on the moment no longer x

I am so sorry. How absolutely heartbreaking.

My brother in law died from suicide 2 years ago.

You don't need a game face, you'll keep up appearances for a bit and then it will land on you and be so much worse.

People will tell you to contact organisations ASAP but from experience it may take you a while to be in the right place to be able to speak to bereavement people. In fact, my MIL was told by a grief councillor to not even try to unpick everything until at least 6 months after her son died.

Your husband will need to work out the best way to support you. As the partner of someone who lost a sibling to suicide I just carried on until he gave cues that he needed me/something, then at night when we were in bed in the dark I'd ask if he needed to say anything/get anything off his chest. The anonymity of the dark while having someone physically present he trusted seemed to help, even if it was just something like "I feel guilty I didn't phone him more". There's no response to things like that and no fixing it, it just helps to verbalise it.

This is awful and suicide is like a slap across the face. You've all my sympathy.

I am so sorry for your loss 'Clever', may you find the strength to deal with what is such terrible time for you

I’m very sorry to hear this. Just take things slowly and be gentle with yourself. My sincere condolences. 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss

Please call one of those helplines OP. I did once, after a conversation with a friend who was actively suicidal, in which I said all the 'wrong' things, I felt. The person I spoke to was absolutely wonderful, and explained the same thing that a pp did. That the decision isn't a sudden one, that it's the person's choice to make, and that those of us speaking with them don't have anything like the influence that we assume we do.
My friend didn't go through with it, but if he had, she explained that it would not have had anything to do with what I said. And the way she explained it made sense. I didn't feel that she was just saying anything to make me feel better. She knew how suicidal people think.

So incredibly sorry to hear this.

My condolences. So sorry.

How absolutely dreadful.

Please don't berate yourself with not having given what you now think were the right responses. There is no 'right' response. You didn't do or say anything wrong. If she'd reached that place there was nothing at all you could have done to save her.

I hope you find comfort in the memory of your relationship with your beautiful sister, and from the knowledge that she has now found peace from her torment.

I'm so very sorry.

I'm so sorry

There is a great support network called the Alliance of Hope which you may find helpful over the coming weeks and months.

I’m so very very sorry for your loss 💐💐

I am so very sorry for your loss.
The coroner's officer will keep in touch with you and will advise you about what to do.
They will tell you when you can arrange a funeral and how to go about things.
You will get practical advice as well as emotional support here.
Don't be afraid to ask.

I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Please don’t feel like you need to hold it together for anyone. Grieve however you need or want to. And sorry if I am interpreting your OP wrongly but please do not blame yourself. This is not your fault. You did not say the wrong thing. There is no right answer.

So sorry

I've a thread in bereavement having been through this multiple times in recent years. There may be suggestions there which might help you. It's here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/3677008-Too-many-suicides-to-cope

Please don't worry about it being an "old" thread. I resurrect it when I need to talk. It's there for anyone struggling with such issues. Of course if you feel it won't help there's no pressure, just thought it may be of help.

Take care.

I’m so sorry for your loss. What an awful lot you have had to deal with in the past few years. Sending loads of love

So sorry for your loss
Coming to terms with something like this must be so difficult.

I’m so sorry for you all, what a terrible thing to happen. She was ill and it wasn’t your fault at all, please be kind to yourself. I just wanted to send you my condolences. 💐

I have no first hand experience either, but I wanted to send condolences. And I am sure that she knew all the things you wanted to say, but didn't. She just couldn't see any other way at that moment.

I am so so very sorry.