Husband died today

[looklauren]

How do I go on? I am so scared, I depended on him for so much and we have 5 children. I have so many feelings of guilt. I was so cross with him for being a workaholic and never being with us. He had a heart attack... He was 33..

Sorry for your loss.

*@looklauren and looklaurenchildren I am so very sorry for your loss and the shock must be immeasurable.

Are you able to say routinely where you are as I'm thinking about you will need food and maybe animal meals if you have pets and there is a wealth of knowledge on here for practical help.

My husband had a heart attack two months ago and the shock is difficult as it isn't a concrete feeling like the pain of a broken arm but it is still huge.

Don't worry about what you think you should do or feel, just be with your children and take your lead from them. We'll be here for you as you are there for them.

I'm so sorry [hugs].

I’m so very sorry for your loss. What an absolute shock for you all. Words escape me.

I’m so sorry for your loss

I am so very very sorry for your loss.

I’m so, so sorry. Xx

I am so so sorry. Try to tell people what you need including his and your parents. Don't rush anything. When my father died there seemed so much to do all at once to get a funeral organised in a week etc - there is no need to rush it. Take it a day at a time. I have 5 children too and after our divorce as a full time working mother of 5 and the husband not seeing or helping or paying..... I had no grief obviously but it was difficult. Just get each hour done, don't think any further ahead.

If there is someone like his parents who are good at practical stuff see if they can help with some of this such as what happens over the next few weeks with registration of death (buy 10 copies of death cert as you have to post off so very many originals in the post eg was a good tip I learned) and work life insurance, money side of things, which bank accounts you are allowed to access etc.

For now in my view in the circumstances no one in lockdown (which is about to be eased) would stop the grandparents moving in to help with the 5 children unless people are sick and very old but only if you want that.

You will cope my darling.You will. You wont be able to see how right now but you will.And you know why you will ? Because your husband would expect you to.Your children need you and will carry you through this painful time.They will be your strength and reason ..I promise you. I am so very sorry you are going through this, I have been where you are and its well there are no words. For now you do nothing..baby steps as and when you can will get you through.If I could offer you any advice it would be this...now is the time in your life you can be totally selfish..in fact you must be.You and only you will and can decide on your life going forward.It is all about you and your children,There is no need to take it upon yourself to try and accommodate wider friends and family so do not feel pressured to do so.It helps. It has been a while now since I lost my husband so I can understand where you are totally..if you need to chat please pm . I send you courage and strength and warmest wishes and once again I am so sorry...xxx

LookLauren. I am so sorry for you, My own Dad died of a heart attack when I was 8 and it was a dreadful shock . Just thinking of you .Try and take each day as it comes and take all offers of help as well .You are in shock so try not to think too far ahead .If your family are with you then that is a good thing ,but obviously you only want him ,that is to be expected really .Take Care love and hugs xxx

I'm so sorry 😔

@looklauren I’m so sorry to read about what has happened to your husband and to your family. I have sadly been there and it is so so tough. Take one moment at a time, on hour, one day. Please look at the Widowed and Young website too, there are a lot of people there who can support you. Much love

I am so sorry for your devastating loss. My late husband died aged 44 but after a long illness. The night after he died both my kids got into bed with me (they were 12 and 16). It was a hard time and I fear yours will be really tough. I hope your finances are ok. It doesn’t help the pain but makes living possible. If I can help with words or in any way at all just say. 💐

Sorry I couldn't read and run needed to send some love and support your way, I'm so sorry to hear off the loss 💔

Last year I lost my little girl unexpected due to a tragic tragic accident but I wanted too let you know how I've got through them days and maybe it could help you.

Firstly take your time, don't plan days in advance you take each day as it comes. You'll have good days and you'll have bad days and that is ok to have days like that.

Secondly take other people's help and support, you'll need that mental break too have some "you" time your kids need you to be ok so you can help them through this awful time

Unfortunately no one can take the pain away from you so you need to keep your mind occupied when you have the bad moments

I'm here if you need too talk, one piece off advice someone gave me after I struggled so much without my little girl was

The piece off you that's now feeling lost, hurt, heartbroken is the piece they've taken to heaven with them, they've took that piece off you so your still with them.

Close your eyes and your husband will be there, it won't be the same as in person but he will be there whenever you close your eyes and remember the good moments.

Hope some off this helps you and just remember your never alone there's someone always someone too talk too xxxx

I’m so so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine your pain
We are here for you

I’m so so sorry looklauren. Everyone grieves differently so there will be no right or wrong. You do whatever you need to do to get you and the kids through each day. My sister died in labour leaving her husband and 2 young daughters. He understandably was broken as were we. We helped him with the things he couldn’t focus to do such as dinners, cleaning etc so that he could focus on himself and my nieces. If family can maybe help doing things you can’t face but don’t be afraid to tell them you need alone time. Our gp had to come along at one point to give my brother in law something to calm him down the day after. Reach out if you need help. Thinking of you and your children 💐

I am so sorry to hear this, LookLauren.

Widowed and Young is a support group that I hope you will find helpful:
www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/

Sending you love and hugs.

So very sorry

I'm so so sorry about your husband. How long had you been together?

Dear @looklauren

I'm so sorry got your loss. My husband died after a very short illness 6 years ago, he was 35. I have 2 children, pregnant with the second one when he died.

You will be ok. You will be happy again. Your children will be ok. It's a long road, but you will get there.

My children and I are happy now. We have a good life.

There's lots I could tell you if you want to hear. Do message me if you want to talk x

I am so sorry- and I know exactly how it feels. My much loved husband died at 36, when our children were both still in nappies. Similarly with no warning (brain haemorrhage).
That was 28 years ago, and maybe I can offer some help to you from how I got through it?
I know that, right now, life will not feel worth living. The pain of grief seems unbearable and you think you can never feel happiness again.
But you will not always feel this level of pain. Nobody could sustain that level of anguish in the long term, and our bodies and minds slowly adapt to the situation - that sharp agony slowly becomes a dull ache, and then fades over time.
I’m not claiming that you will “get over it” - that would be crass. But you will learn to live with it, and work round it.
In these early months, get all the help you can from family, friends, your church minister, your children’s school, bereavement charities, whatever. Be very gentle with yourself, as if you are recovering from a serious illness - in a sense, you are.
There will be days when you can hardly bear to get out of bed, and everything seems pointless. Don’t be afraid to have a good cry, and just accept your need to grieve.
Eventually you will have a day that isn’t 100% grief filled. It may just be something small - one of the kids does something that makes you laugh, when you thought you would never laugh again. Or you enjoy the taste of your dinner. Little steps.
Gradually your instinct for life will reassert itself. There will come a day when you suddenly realise you haven’t cried at all for 24 hours.
Eventually you will be able to remember your husband with love and gratitude for your time together, without it being clouded by grief.
My dear old minister put it this way:
“Don’t let his death be more than his life” .
Finally, may I share with you a carving on a memorial by the Water of Leith in Edinburgh:
“Grief is not forever. But love is”.
As a Christian, I firmly believe we will be reunited with our loved ones when we have completed our work here on earth.
I will put you in my prayers, Lauren. That God will give you the strength and courage to live your life, and raise your family, and be supported in love and kindness until you and your husband are together again in God’s loving presence.

Bless you. And the biggest of hugs, from one widow to another.

Hi everyone.

We've had a couple of reports asking about this thread and have also been in direct contact off the boards with the original poster, looklauren.

To explain, this thread was reported to us yesterday and when we had a look behind the scenes - as we always do when threads are reported - we decided to take it down so that we could double check a few things.

We're always more than willing to hold our hands up and admit when we've got something wrong - we're only human after all - and having chatted to looklauren, we can see that this is one of those occasions.

We can only apologise to looklauren for any additional upset this has caused at what must already be an unimaginably difficult time - and have reinstated the thread so that she can continue to be supported by other MNers.

We hope that helps but do let us know if we do anything else. With best wishes from all at MNHQ.