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Original poster

Husband died today

132 replies

looklauren · 02/05/2020 01:38

How do I go on? I am so scared, I depended on him for so much and we have 5 children. I have so many feelings of guilt. I was so cross with him for being a workaholic and never being with us. He had a heart attack... He was 33..

OP posts:
sam221 · 02/05/2020 05:03

I am so sorry for your loss, such a young age and so sudden. Take your time with everything, try to eat something and plenty of hot sweet tea.
Arguments happen all the time, try not to focus it but think about the silly/fun stuff you did together.

Sparkles333 · 02/05/2020 05:08

So very sorry for what you are going through. Flowers
The only thing that will get you through this is your children, focus on them. They need you as much as you need them. Talk, cry, hug as much as possible. Try to be together as much as you can, being alone is not always the best thing to do although you will all need alone time. Get them all together and light a candle for him, i have lit candles for lost friends and family and it just gives you a little sense that they are there are know you are thinking of them. Just try to get through each day one step at a time. Try to do normal things with the kids like watch a film (even if your not really watching it) read a short story, anything that will pass a small amount of time for you and your kids. Maybe get some family photos out so that you can talk about those memories, i know that will encourage crying but you all need to cry together and just be there for each other. The kids will need lots of hugs and so will you. I know these are just words but i hope it helps you with those little steps to get through this sad time. Really big hug for you, i am truly sorry for your loss and for the loss that your children have also suffered. Flowers

Honkingallthewaytothebank · 02/05/2020 05:09

How was the rest of the night @looklauren? Fingers crossed you managed even a bit of sleep.

I’m sorry Flowers

Puds11 · 02/05/2020 05:11

I am so very sorry for your loss @looklauren. Sending hugs and love Flowers

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/05/2020 06:06

I am so sorry for you loss. So young. Flowers

Percivalthebabyspider · 02/05/2020 06:07

I'm so sorry for your loss.

TheFutureMrsB · 02/05/2020 06:08

I am so so sorry for your loss Flowers

theemmadilemma · 02/05/2020 06:23

I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

Livebythecoast · 02/05/2020 06:26

Sorry seems such an inadequate word right night but I am truly sorry for your terrible loss Flowers.
My Dad died of a sudden heart attack (which we also thought was heartburn) but he was older than your husband and what has happened to you and your family is so terribly sad and unfair. I remember walking round in a daze for weeks , trying to make sense of everything.
When you feel ready, there is a fantastic service on Gov.uk called 'tell us once'. They will notify lots of organisations. It's a quick form which takes about ten minutes.
But that's the practical side so for now you need to concentrate on the emotional side. Everything will feel just so overwhelming atm and that's totally understandable. There is no right or wrong way to behave. You never get over the death of a loved one but with baby steps, you will learn to live your life around it. But not yet and that's okay. Please welcome any support family and friends offer but also don't be afraid to let them know if you want to be left alone. People naturally want to help but sometimes it can get too much and you just want to scream. Obviously I'm only going by my personal experience - everyone is different and like I say, there is no right or wrong way.
If you can't eat, try some shakes from the chemist, build up drinks that have the nutrients of a small meal.

I'm sending lots of love to you and your children ❤

JacobReesMogadishu · 02/05/2020 06:27

I’m so sorry for your loss. Flowers

I’m going to say something which maybe isn’t the most tactful time to say this and if I knew you in real life I’d say something. Please do talk to your GP about getting cardiac screens for the kids. It isn’t something which needs to be done immediately but something to consider over the next few months as some cardiac conditions can run in families. I had a friend who’s father died of a heart attack in his 30s and he’d inherited the same condition which was only picked up at his post mortem when he also died of a heart attack in his 30s. I’m sure this is very rare and unlikely. But if the son had known something could have been done and he wouldn’t have died. Sorry, I don’t mean to give you something else to worry about.

I hope you get plenty of support in real life. Totally tragic.

StrongTea · 02/05/2020 06:38

Really sorry.

Oblomov20 · 02/05/2020 06:40

Blimey a heart attack at 33? I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

gerispringer · 02/05/2020 06:49

www.c-r-y.org.uk/

We found the charity CRY ( Cardiac Risk in the Young) helpful when a young family member died suddenly of an undiagnosed heart condition. They have telephone counselling and lots of info on their website. Please try them.

DHW1 · 02/05/2020 07:10

I’m so sorry for your loss

Thighdentitycrisis · 02/05/2020 07:17

Terrribly sorry for your loss. You will get through this. Sending hugs

Russellbrandshair · 02/05/2020 07:26

I’m so very sorry @looklauren
This is a horrific thing to happen and it shouldn’t have happened. No one should lose their husband at such a young age.

Some practical things: there are books on amazon for kids that deal with grief and loss, I’d have a look. For you - I really think you need to contact your GP and ask for some support. You could contact the heart foundation or cruse and they can steer you towards emotional support too. I’m just so sorry for your loss 🌹

PeartreeProductions · 02/05/2020 07:33

So sorry OP Flowers

ElectricTonight · 02/05/2020 07:39

I am so sorry for your loss x

PeartreeProductions · 02/05/2020 07:40

Just to add the my message.
Every feeling you're feeling now, immense grief, sadness, loss. Disbelief or anger and regret is perfectly normal. You're in huge turmoil right now, do you think maybe as well as having support from your loved ones a GP appointment might help, maybe for counselling referral/help or medication to see you through ths awful time. X

totallyyesno · 02/05/2020 07:41

I'm so sorry.

waltzingparrot · 02/05/2020 07:42

I am so sorry for your loss. Being surrounded by the love of your children and family will help you through.

I was 12 when my dad died of a sudden heart attack, although I didn't find out that was the reason for another 30 years. My mum decided it was best to shield me from everything, which I think was damaging to me as a child. I would suggest when you are able to, to fully explain to the children what happened. Have photos up, talk about him often, keep his memory alive for them. Every time I tried to talk mum, she would become overwhelmed and I backed off, eventually leaving the subject altogether.

You can't see it now, but just know, that there will be a future for you. Someone wrote in a letter to my mum at the time, 'you will never get over it, but you will learn to walk beside it one day'. It was true.

One day at a time for now.

bodgeitandscarper · 02/05/2020 07:43

I'm so, so sorry; he must have loved you all very much to work so hard, what an absolute tragedy. I've no words of wisdom to offer, but hope that knowing there are so many of us sending heartfelt thoughts out to you and your family will offer a shred of comfort.

Mimishimi · 02/05/2020 07:46

I'm so so sorry. He's so young. Maybe it was COVID, not just stress? I read that it is presenting in some cases as heart attacks.

Theorangeorange · 02/05/2020 08:00

I'm so, so sorry for you and your children Thanks

Angelw · 02/05/2020 08:04
Flowers
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