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Original poster

Husband died today

132 replies

looklauren · 02/05/2020 01:38

How do I go on? I am so scared, I depended on him for so much and we have 5 children. I have so many feelings of guilt. I was so cross with him for being a workaholic and never being with us. He had a heart attack... He was 33..

OP posts:
averytiredmom · 02/05/2020 03:00

I am so so sorryFlowers

Thepigeonsarecoming · 02/05/2020 03:01

@looklauren do you want to tell us all about him, what did he do, what did he enjoy? Sometimes it helps. He obviously loved you and your children, he would want you to go on for them, even though it’s bloody hard right now for you x

nettie434 · 02/05/2020 03:01

Have you got someone you could phone Looklauren?

LordStrange · 02/05/2020 03:04

Oh goodness. Wishing you as much strength as you can muster right now. I'm so sorry Flowers

EmbarrassedWoman · 02/05/2020 03:10

Op i am so so sorry you are going through this. It so so unfair what you are all going through. Flowers
Everytime you feel like you dont want to carry on keep looking at your children. They are the reason to carry on. They love you and need you. Share lots of cuddles and just take time to cry.
And remember to look after yourself too.
Dont forget to eat and drink even if its just little bits. You need to keep you well.
You are all in my thoughts 💖

Jonoula · 02/05/2020 03:15

You poor thing I’m so very sorry. Have you eaten? Take the duvet to the sofa. Your children need you so much. X

eaglejulesk · 02/05/2020 03:24

I am so sorry to hear this. He was far too young. Take care of yourself, and try to take just one step at a time for now. Hugs to you and your children. Flowers Flowers

Stephie0x3 · 02/05/2020 03:33

I am so sorry Flowers xx

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 02/05/2020 03:40

I am very sorry for your loss.

I imagine that you might not be able to face sleeping in the marital bed right now. Nonetheless, it's nearly 4am and you need to rest. Try to get some sleep, even if it is on the sofa or the kids' bedroom floor. Everything feels worse in the small hours of the night, I speak from years of depression on this.

TheDogsMother · 02/05/2020 03:46

OP I have no words. I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. I just wanted to send love to you and your children Thanks

Original poster
looklauren · 02/05/2020 03:47

I can’t eat and feel like I’m suffocating if I drink... I drift off but only for a few minutes at a time and then the churning wakes me.

He would love imagining what the girls would be like when they were older and having grandchildren. We had plans to do the garden and I can’t imagine doing it without him now. We hoped to have more children after we had a miscarriage last summer... I feel so robbed in so many ways.

He ran a construction company and was so stressed all the time. I had a thread on here a week ago complaining he’d stopped saying when he’d come home.. I can’t believe it’s ended like this. How could he do it to us? He loved us so much - such a terrible way to go. He didn’t deserve it.

OP posts:
Original poster
looklauren · 02/05/2020 03:49

One of the children is in the bed thankfully but I don’t know how I’ll ever sleep alone again. I loved his bear hugs. The best feeling in the world. We weren’t on the best of terms this week but he wrapped himself around me yesterday morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
looklauren · 02/05/2020 03:49

Thank you so much for being with me...

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 02/05/2020 03:51

Oh,this is so awful and shocking to read. I am so sorry for what has happened to your Husband, and what is happening for you and your children. Hope you have family to talk to at this time.

Fromthebirdsnest · 02/05/2020 04:07

OP I'm so sorry for your loss,that's heart breaking, give yourself time to arrive , lean on friends and family, you will cope it may not feel like it now but you will find a way x

HawthornLantern · 02/05/2020 04:19
Flowers
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/05/2020 04:26

How tragic for you all, @looklauren, I''m so sorry!

For the children, when you're ready try www.winstonswish.org/
For yourself, there is a group called www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/WAY (widowed and young) where you'll find lots of people who've had similar experience to you, and they'll be able to help you with practicalities and support too.

In the meantime, take it one step at a time, breathe and be easy on yourself and the children. Take offers of help when people offer - you might not want them around now, but do accept anyway - you can call on them later.

Grieve with your children, but not to the point that you lose it completely - that would scare them, probably.

((((hugs))))Thanks

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/05/2020 04:27

Sorry, second link failed www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/

echt · 02/05/2020 04:32

So very sorry for your loss, looklauren.

Like you my DH died suddenly, and like you I just wanted to die in the early days.Sad

Good that you have RL support and keep posting here. MNers were the greatest of comfort to me.

Many Thanks

LethargicButAwesome · 02/05/2020 04:35

So sorry to hear of your loss, I know these are just words to you.

Cry, vent, talk about him share.

Don't feel guilty about being annoyed with him, these are all part of relationships and deep downyou both loved each other completely.

Take each day as it comes. Give lots of hugs to the kids.

When I have had to deal with loss, faith has helped me. The ultimate truth of 'to him we belong and to him we return' helps put things in perspective and helps you put one foot infront of the other one day at a time, might help?

Weenurse · 02/05/2020 04:40

So sorry💐

SpillTheTeaa · 02/05/2020 04:47

I'm so sorry OP. So young and I know how you must feel robbed.
Of course you're in shock and take it minute by minute.
Thinking of you all at this incredibly sad time Thanks

Lavenderpurple · 02/05/2020 04:53

I’m so very sorry for your loss.

ScarredBunny · 02/05/2020 04:54

I am so sorry dearest @looklauren.This is so senseless and cruel, you poor darlings. Sending lots of love.

Pavlova31 · 02/05/2020 04:55

So so sorry Lauren Flowers
Do keep posting Brew

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