i feel so horrid asking this but........

[iliketosleep]

how do i get the dead baby out of me? I have just found out that the heartbeat stopped and have opted to let nature do what its gotta do but is there anyway i can speed this process up? Im scared of having to go into hospital for tablets and pessaries etc etc

thankyou! thats great to know what i am to expect!! thankyou and also so sorry for your loss

Hi iliketosleep, wanted to see how you were doing?

My story is similar (both good and bad) ~ we have a wonderful almost 19-month old DS and actually thought that we were done.

Got pleasantly surprised a couple weeks back and then my dating scan showed no HB. I was suppose to be 8w 5 d but measured only 7+ weeks.

I have a rescan on Wed but started bleeding over the weekend. I am also hoping to go naturally but somehow (TMI alert! the blood loss is very minimal) don't think it will go that way.

On a positive side - I too feel like if it wasn't for this experience, we would not have tried for another dc. NOW, we're determined to add a little bundle of joy to our happy family of 3 .

Like some of you, I too try to think that this mc was because the baby wasn't well... and losing our 1st DD at 35 wks pg... trust me - if the baby isn't going to make it - it's better not to put neither you nor the future baby through the pain and agony of waiting.

BEST of wishes to all of you who're in the process of healing, process of TCC, process of hoping!

Let's hope and try together

Ouch NOW we're talking cramps! I was cruising along since last week, no major pains to report and then today it had definitely went up a notch in intensity... I'm worried now cuz I don't know if it will get any worse... I took some pain meds but just over the counter stuff, nothing prescription (don't have anything prescription) so hope it'll kick in...

Have my rescan tomorrow. Kinda ironic now... nothing to see, I bet! But hopefully they'll tell me that things are either all over or will be over soon and I don't need the "procedure"

To top things off - had a lunch with my very good friend today... Didn't know that she'd bring her 6 weeks old baby with her... Yeah... imagine that

I did good though... didn't lose it once, held the baby, carried on with a conversation... What do they say - what doesn't kill you, make you stronger... Of course she HAD to ask - "so guys... do you think you'll try for a second baby?" I nearly lost my soup

oh dear i suppose its uncomfortable for them though isnt it well i think my m/c is over which im glad about although i wouldnt like to do it every day!!

Oh is it, ILTS?! If it is ~ good for you lady! I was just ready the "what actually happens when you mc" thread and now I am officially freaked out! I was hoping for heavy period/ lots of blood/ blood clots - NOT for SEEING the baby!!!

OMG... change of hopes - hoping NOT to mc naturally, last until tomorrow and get a D&C!

hun ive had loads and loads of bleeding proper contractions!!!!!! and big purple clots, you wont see the baby!

Promise? Do you promise? I think I just won't look... I won't... even though I am a looker... Just go, do whatever, flush, flush, flush... OMG my hands are actually getting all cold and stuff (doesn't help that I am at work either!)

honestly! i was shitting myself when i passed this MAHOOSIVE clot and i didnt want to look but you just cant help it can you? and it was just this very unattractive big purple blob! i got the courage to look at the rest then and they are all the same!

I really wouldnt lie to you when i know you need to know what to expect xx

Words of advice though. when it starts (and you will know!) stay by the toilet! ive worn holes in the carpets and have gone through a whole loo roll in 2 hours

You're my favorite person, ILTS! What would I do without you? Thank you for the right in time information and the truth! I'll keep you updated (Aren't you thrilled I promised that?!

please do, im always here to help!

I will always tell the truth! if someone asks me if labour hurts i dont soften the blow and say oh hell yes! lol but im only preparing people for what to expect, and unfortunatly hun if yours ends up like mine it is going to really hurt so the strongest painkillers you can find wont go amiss

I pray on my hands and knees for you that it isnt! but just incase if there is anything else you need to know then feel free to ask and be as open as you like! nothing phases me

im here all the time anyway and i never ignore a message

This is a horrible but really interesting and necessary thread. I'm just 'in the middle' of my second miscarriage. No children.

Last time it all happened at home, began bleeding increasingly heavily with clots and in lots of pain. Unfortunately I didn't want to accept that I was losing the baby so wouldn't take any painkillers and just tried to keep still hoping it would stop! Anyway, I should have been 11 weeks but I personally found it helpful to see the little beanie in the sac and realise that it had stopped growing at around 6 weeks and that my body had done its best to hang on to it for those extra weeks and then 'deliver' it.

I didn't take any painkillers so can't really comment fully but it is very painful and your cervix does have to open up and allow, sometimes, some quite large clots to pass.

This time - found out there is no heart beat on the scan last week, I'm going to go into hospital on Sunday for a 'medical management'. Don't want to really, but once you know, it's a bit of a time bomb inside you and I feel that I can't make any plans (even a day trip out) until it's all over.

I personally wouldn't choose an ERPC as I prefer to suffer it myself (not that an ERPC is an easy option)I need to feel the physical pain and see the process for myself. However, by having surgery you can usually be sure that it's all gone and they can have a quick look about to check that everything is ok in there.

Much love to everyone who is going through this now, or has done in the past.

Katendmom, I'm a firm believer in 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. There are no reasons why these things happen but I believe that these experiences do make us stronger and teach us about ourselves.It also hopefully will stop any of us ever asking those stupid "Don't you want any kids/any more kids?" questions and teach us to be gentler with others.

I think I'm going through a miscarriage at the moment, so it's helpful to read other people's experiences, so i can prepare myself.

I've had bleeding since Thursday afternoon, firstly it wasn't too much, and mainly brownish, but now it's like a medium period amount, and bright red, no clots, but a few very small bits of tissue I suppose.

I went to the GP on Friday morning, but have to wait for the epu to contact me about a scan - though the midwife said if the bleeding gets really heavy with big clots to go to hospital and they can do an emergency scan.

It wasn't a planned pregnancy and I was a bit upset at first even, as was happy with my dd who's 20 months. But now I feel so upset, and I think the fact that my mum died unexpectedly earlie this year is making me feel worse - too much death.

Sorry to wander off the subject. Just feeling a bit scared of what's to come, cos I really feel certain lo hasn't made it.

I had 5 mcs in the past (before I had my 2 dcs). I would def go for the ERPC if nothing happens in the next week.

With my first mc I waited, and waited, it finally took nearly 4 months for it to come away! I really wished I'd just gone in and had it done so I cd get on with life.

So sorry you're going through this, big hugs.

muddyboots, you're a very strong person. Everything that you said makes so much sense...

I ended up having a D&C on Sept 13... quite a date, right . Everything went well, the staff was exceptionally attentive, I was under MAC anesthesia... so didn't feel or remember anything. When I woke up in a recovery room, I had a cup of hot coffee and cookies on a bed table next to me... I would agree with you - without really going through the whole experience like you did... it does feel almost unreal... like it almost never happened...

splishsplosh, my gosh, our stories are SO similar. This was a very unplanned pg since we have a 19 month old DS... in fact we thought we were done... Even through mc my DH was saying - "I am NEVER putting you through this again!" Oh well

It's been a bit over a week since it all happened, my bleeding stopped... and... conversations about TTC started . The ONLY reason I am saying this to you is that this too shall pass... and I wish you ALL THE VERY BEST what you hope for for "the tomorrow."

Take care of yourself, make sure you have pain management options handy, make sure you family or at least DH/ DP is availalbe and stay in touch. Anything I can tell you/ answer for you - I'd be glad to.

Hugs to all you lovely ladies going through this horrible time in whichever way you choose/can.
After 2 m/c I had 2 beautiful DD's. I learnt that 1;3 women has at least one in their fertile life-scary.

ANYWAYS what I wanted to share with you is the lovely thought from one of my tutors at college.She said that although it was terribly upsetting & I felt it was a waste of a life to try this thought. She said each life has a soul & a journey to make,a complete journey just sometimes shorter than we expect or wish for but nevertheless complete & loved and for a reason however unclear at the time.it might make us stronger or help us be ready for the next time, or even to accept there IS no baby for us. It sounded weird but comforting, & I'm not a lentil-eating hippy either!!
Take care.

You know, bossybritches, I would agree with every single word of that saying. I'd tell you - when we lost our DD at 35 wk pg, I thought that I was the most unlucky and hurt person in the whole world... then when "the dust settled" and the first time I was able to actually be on her grave without crying my eyes out - I saw a number of grave stones with not one (like ours) but 2 dates... but those dates were at times just weeks apart. You know what I realized then? Those mothers who actually GOT to hold their live babies (ours was a stillborn) were so much worse in it than me and so much more hurt... Put things into perspective for me...

Then... 6 mnth later we found out we were expecting . We now have a beautiful 19 mnth old DS. Chances are - he would not have been here if it wasn't for our DD who we lost...

The story goes on . We decided that he was "it" for us and we were not planning to have more children... then in August we were pleasantly surprised . That's the pg we lost through mc but guess what - we're now hoping for another lo. Once again - this future life would not have been planned by us if it wasn't for the one that we just lost a couple weeks ago.

So THERE IS a meaning in everything in this world.

Best of luck to all of you on whatever path you choose to take. Have an awesome Sunday

bossybritches and kateandmom,

thanks for your thoughts, it really helps.

I know that if I am losing this one I am still so lucky to have my dd who is the light of my life.

One child can never replace the lost one can it but a new life can help in the moving on. My main problem after my m/cs was I was so bloody hormonal even though I'd got my head round it I just kept irrationally bursting into tears. Even the nappies aisle in Tesco's got me going FGS!! Luckily that reaction soon settled, and if I was still teary on occasion it was in private while having a hug with my DH. Got all teary reading this thread too, it's so dreadfully common unfortunately...

Hi all, i didnt realise my thread was still going

Katendmom why didnt you tell me lol

Lol ive just read my post about the midwife thinking she knows it all with full blown contractions and loosing blood, How right she was I should have listened

Never mind, was all over 2 weeks ago although i cant look at my scan photos still

And - I think it's OK to say this now, but some people do see the foetus/baby. Mine was between 11 and 12 weeks and I most definitely saw it, . I think it is safe to say that the experience can vary a lot person to person - mine was horrible.

well if im honest, i lost a clot on some tissue when i wiped (tmi i know) and i saw what i thought was the outline of the foetus i just stared in horror then quickly put it in the toilet

At 11 to 12 weeks there was no mistaking what I saw . All I was trying to get across what that I think it is slightly dangerous to tell people you definitely will, or will not do/find/see something.

Before I found mumsnet I posted on another BB that the midwives couldn't find the heartbeat for my baby even though they had found it previously. Other posters said no, this is fine, quite normal etc. etc. Unfortunately I took them at their word and didn't go back about it, left it three weeks only to find out that I had had a missed miscarriage 3 weeks before. So, if I had listened to my gut instinct that there was something wrong I could have gone for a scan earlier rather than carrying on thinking it would be OK. I was 15 weeks by the time I had the ERPC and was just about to tell my son he was going to have a baby brother or sister. Sorry for waffling on, but just wanted to pass my experience on.

how sad my 3 dc new and i had to tell them that the baby was very very poorly and wont be coming out

Can i be really cheeky and asked what exactly it was that you saw? as it will confirm that what i saw was what i saw or not IYSWIM
I fully understand if you dont want to tell me xxx

Just got back from my scan, was what i expected - have miscarried. I've already lost most of it it seems. I have to go back next week to be re-scanned to see what's happenng as they think it's best if it can go naturally.

Although I was certain I still couldn't stop crying when they told me.

They called to dr to see me for advice about antibiotics as I'm still bf, she told me I should think of it as just a cluster of cells and maybe that will help me deal with it.

I know it wasn't an actual baby, but it's so much more than some cells isn't it? It's all the expectations / the future life you were expecting as well.

Anyway, the worst pain was last night just before I went to bed, and that was still only like bad period pain, and the bleeding is like a period. Passed some clots in the toilet this morning, didn't want to look too closely.

The experience hasn't been too bad physically, so maybe it died a while ago, as I should have been 11 weeks yesterday. Anyway, I hope things progress OK from now on - I hate the thought of it just dragging on and on, cos it's a constant reminder of what's happened. I want it over, so I can begin to deal with it.

I'm not sure about ttc like you Kateandmom, I wasn't planning on more than 1, but now this has made me want another.

so sorry