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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

i feel so horrid asking this but........

111 replies

iliketosleep · 06/09/2007 17:22

how do i get the dead baby out of me? I have just found out that the heartbeat stopped and have opted to let nature do what its gotta do but is there anyway i can speed this process up? Im scared of having to go into hospital for tablets and pessaries etc etc

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fawkeoff · 08/09/2007 13:17

well i'm glad that ur so positive about it, you just do whatever is best for you at the end of the day.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 08/09/2007 13:35

liketosleep - I had a m/c last month. I was only 5 weeks, I had no cramps, just headaches and acheing legs. Then bled. I was really upset for 2/3 days. But, and possibly as it happened so early & easily and/or because like you, I already have 3 DCs, I regard it as a biological event rather than having lost a baby. One of the things my midwife said was "I'm afraid it's statistics catching up with you, I'd expect a mum of 3 to have had a least one m/c".

I also really wanted an April baby and I'm actually quite cross that it's not happening as planned. Now it'll either be another summer baby, a huge age gap or no baby at all. I'm sure that seems trivial to some who are ttc but it's how I feel.

I haven't seen anyone else post about feeling this way about their m/c. But I thought I'd share to highlight that not everyone is the same. We are ttc again already. Fingers crossed.

Good luck - I hope it all resolves itself quickly and easily.

Original poster
iliketosleep · 08/09/2007 13:43

it makes me feel better that im not the only one i felt like a right cow lol

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Original poster
iliketosleep · 08/09/2007 13:44

another thing that makes me sound nasty is i want to start concieving again within the week

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TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 08/09/2007 13:54

I had conflicting advice about ttc - one midwife said "wait 2/3 months for things to settle down" and another said "there is no reason not to try but your dates won't be accurate".

I decided that as I'd had an 'easy' m/c I was probably fit enough and that a scan will give me a good enough due date and I also noted the day I passed the sac - which you can use as your 'date of last period'. I may not even ovulate this month in which case I may soon get a period and then I can date from that as normal.

And you're not a cow!

Original poster
iliketosleep · 08/09/2007 14:02

thanks

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Original poster
iliketosleep · 08/09/2007 14:08

to be honest i dont listen to anyone else than myself, if im comfortable ttc again i shall do it, never mind what nurses or midwives say. The women on wednesday told me not to let it go naturally as it will be like having full blown contractions there will be llllllloooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaads of blood and i will see the baby. wtf does she know??? think she was trying to scare me

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TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 08/09/2007 14:18

From what I've read on MN, m/c vary enormously, even the later ones. Do whatever you're comfortable with. I didn't have medical intervention so I can't comment on it's benefits/drawbacks.

Original poster
iliketosleep · 08/09/2007 14:27

well exactly so i was abit peed off to say the least, and dp being dp was saying, have the tablets it all might go wrong if you dont i think you should take the tablets. She REALLY scared the shite out of him

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3madboys · 08/09/2007 14:29

((iliketosleep)) i had a miscarriage at 8wks and fell preg straight away, without having an actual period after the miscarriage, no one told me it wasnt recomended, infact one friend of mine who miscarried recently was told that you are actually often more fertile just after a miscarriage and can often get preg very quickly?

you just do what feels right for you, i know for me it was just to try again straight away and i got ds2 i also miscarried inbetween ds2 and ds3, that time i left it 6mths before ttc again, but for different reasons.

take care of yourself xxxxxxxxx

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 08/09/2007 14:31

How long do they give you to m/c naturally? Will GP/hospital arrange for a D&C or something if nothing happens?

Original poster
iliketosleep · 08/09/2007 14:31

thankyou 3madboys thats very reassuring

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Original poster
iliketosleep · 08/09/2007 14:33

well i ahve to go back on monday but i think she said 2 weeks, I dont want it to take that long but i dont want a d&c so i tihnk i might ask for the tablets. She said i take one orally then go back 3 days and have 2 pessarys put in. She said it all seems to speed up then and happens quite quickly. But she also said it can be painful but being in hospital they can give me pain relief. I would have had it on thursday but that would mean i would be in hospital now when all i want is to be with my dcs IYSWIM

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Original poster
iliketosleep · 08/09/2007 14:34

wow my spelling is really bad

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cornsilk · 08/09/2007 14:44

I miscarried between ds1 and 2 at about 10 weeks. Wasn't any pain, bled over the weekend I think. It seems like a weird thing to say as I was devastated at the time, but now I am kind of glad it happened, because if I hadn't have a m/c I wouldn't have my ds2. That may seem strange but it's how I feel now.

cornsilk · 08/09/2007 14:48

Just re -read my post, seems a bit heartless. What I mean is that now I couldn't imagine life without ds2, and if I hadn't have m/c I wouldn't have had him.

Original poster
iliketosleep · 08/09/2007 15:07

i totally understand! how did your m/c go? I am bleeding but only of an evening, i have a period pain type thing in my back which comes and goes in waves but ive lost no clots or anything i wish it would HURRY UP

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Lcy · 08/09/2007 15:12

Hi ILTS - i think as soon as you get pregnant people seem to think they can give you totally inappropriate advise, that is based on no evidence, about every aspect of your life - and this unfortunately doesnt change it you miscarry.

I was in work on Thursday and one of the secretarys who knew i had a mc started telling me that i should wait a year before trying again and my boss suggested i try to time the pregnancy more appropriately next time (i am on a fixed term contract) . I told them both that i had no intention of discussing my sex life with them or considering anything but mine and DHs needs when deciding when we would get pregnant. What i wanted to say is F**K OFF!!!

I felt exactly the same as you - i wanted the mc over so i could get back to TTC. Rant over enjoy your weekend xx

Lcy · 08/09/2007 15:12

Whoops meant advice

Original poster
iliketosleep · 08/09/2007 15:15

thankyou i agree and if it was me i actually would have told him to fuck off lmao Im so touched about how lovely everyone has been and has understood my needs your all wonderful

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Lcy · 08/09/2007 15:21

Hopefully we will both soon be moaning about morning sickness on the pregnancy boards

ChiTownLady · 08/09/2007 15:29

ilts, sorry things are taking so long for you and I can totaly understand you wanting move things on. I am in the US at the mo and I had a m/c last yr at 9 weeks - early on the saturday am I had a tiny amt of blood and on a scan then showed no h/b ( I had been scanned 2 days previously) I opted to go back for a d&C but they couldn't do it until the monday afternoon. Nothing happened at all until monday - no blood or anything - by monday afternoon whilst I was waiting for the D&C cramping started and was very very painful. As I was non-emergency I was right at back of surgery queue so I had to wait it out and also as I was pre-op I was not allowed any pain relief. I have to say it was basically like giving birth with no pain relief so it really really hurt there then was a lot of blood and finally as I was being walked to surgery everything popped out. Sorry if TMI, but after that the pain went and I was finished off in surgery.
Really not the best way to do things but I hope it gives you another perspective. Obv if I had been at home I wuld have loaded up on painkillers but the pain was seriously as bad as my labour with ds but relatively short-lived probably only 2-3hrs. Hope this hasnt scared you and hope that your back pain is a sign of things starting. Good luck

Lcy · 08/09/2007 15:37

Just so you know there is a group of us who were due in march and mc on the Conception boards - thread is called - TTC after mc July/August 2007 - come and join us when you are ready.

Here is the link

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1366/379809

Original poster
iliketosleep · 08/09/2007 16:21

chitownlady that doesnt sound like fun, im so sorry as for the ttc after mc i may just hot step it on over there now

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helencw77 · 08/09/2007 21:58

I've only just started reading the m/c boards on Mumsnet but wanted to send you hugs (((())). I have just m/cd (2 weeks ago) and opted to have the tablets, I've had a D&C and a natural m/c before and preferred the natural method, but didn't want to wait so chose the tablets to start things off.

I was 9 weeks when I had the tablets, and it was fine (although obviously everybody is different), I didn't find it too painful and everything started about two hours after I actually had the pessaries inserted. I stayed in hospital for about 7 hours in total, which would've been the same with a D&C. I passed the sac after about 4 hours, and the continued bleeding with clots etc for the next couple of days (manageable though) with bleeding for about a week in total. I have two children already (had 2 m/cs, then two children and now a third m/c).

Sorry you are having to go through this

Helen xxx