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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My baby girl died aged 19 hours

284 replies

itmsylifeitsnowornever · 08/02/2020 18:46

My beautiful baby girl was born at 35 weeks. She died aged 19 hours. I don't know how we get through this.

OP posts:
MrsMyreton · 08/02/2020 22:47

I am so so sorry OP. Heartbreaking Thanks

featherquilt · 08/02/2020 22:48

So very sorry for you loss Thanks
Rest in peace beautiful Eleanor, how very much you are loved xxx

LovingLola · 08/02/2020 22:50

So sorry to hear this awful news

WhenPushComesToShove · 08/02/2020 22:53

My heart breaks for you. God bless you

User56781234 · 08/02/2020 23:01

I'm so very sorry for your loss. RIP Eleanor Flowers

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 08/02/2020 23:05

Sorry for your loss , heartbreaking Flowers

CormoranStrike · 08/02/2020 23:19

Oh I am so sorry to hear about Eleanor’s death.

My heart breaks for you.

sunsetandcocktails · 09/02/2020 01:30

I'm so so sorry. There are no words that will help. But please know that there are people around the world thinking of you and sending love. As I hope you can see from the messages above mine.
Take care. Your beautiful baby Eleanor will always be with you xxx

NothingWrong · 09/02/2020 01:31

I'm not sure whether this might help you. I've never been in quite your position before.
It was a conversation I had with my reflexologist. There must have been a story in the news at the time about a baby dying which prompted the conversation.

Essentially I told her that a God could not exist who allows babies to die. She very gently said to me 'Why do you think a soul must live to old age to have fulfilled their purpose? Perhaps they had achieved their purpose'.
It made me think. I'm not religious, but I was brought up Catholic. I'm not sure if that has offended you. But I personally found solace in thinking that God had a plan for me (wish he'd tell me what it is already!). He apparently has a plan for all of us. So for Eleanor too. If you are into religion.

I personally throw tantrums with God and religion all the time, but God (or whoever it is) seems to forgive me and hold me close whenever I'm exhausted from the screaming and crying and rage and anger.

NothingWrong · 09/02/2020 01:36

I'm like the prodigal son or the lamb who leaves the flock. Yet God (in my head), seems to forgive me and understand.

I argue against God all the time. I'm like how much more do you want to throw at me? Why are you doing this? So I go off the rails for a while, but when I've calmed down, whether that be hours, minutes, weeks, months or years (on different occasions), I always feel a loving presence when I have just given up and can't go on any more.

PorpentinaScamander · 09/02/2020 02:15

Ebery life, no matter how brief, will always leave an imprint in the world.

Thinking of you and your family
Eleanor is one of my all time favourite names. Flowers

TimeIhadaNameChange · 09/02/2020 10:06

Am so very sorry to hear this.

Sending much love x

AliciaWhiskers · 09/02/2020 17:01

Just to let you know I am thinking about you, OP, and about Eleanor.

ClaraTA · 09/02/2020 17:06

My heart is breaking for you. Sending much love to you and Eleanor 💙

HuloBeraal · 09/02/2020 17:11

I am so so sorry to hear about your daughter Eleanor.

When you feel able to there are some amazing people who have done lots of work around baby loss including the charity ‘Our Missing Peace.’ I know other people have also referred you to Sands.
You will always be her mother and I am sure she knew how much she was loved and treasured.

waterlego · 09/02/2020 17:20

I have thought of you a lot today OP. I hope you have had opportunity to spend time with Eleanor, if that is something you wanted. X

waterlego · 09/02/2020 17:21

(‘Wanted’ seems such a clumsy word, sorry. Of course this is not what anyone wanted 😔)

Original poster
itmsylifeitsnowornever · 11/02/2020 21:44

I messed up before. She was born 11:30am on February 6th and died 18:17 February 7th. That's 30 hours. Not 19. I missed 12 hours.

It's been 4 days. I went home on Saturday. Nothing feels right. Every part of my body thinks there is a baby but I don't have one. I have milk but no baby to feed. My hospital didn't have a cuddle cot so we didn't get to spend much time with Eleanor. I will be fundraising in the future for one. For now, my 3 big girls need me. My 8 year old is heartbroken. My 5 year old understands but it hasn't quite sunk in yet. My 2 year old doesn't understand at all. I need to be strong for them.

To top it all, I think my c-section site is infected.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 11/02/2020 21:55

OP, your whole family must be in shock. I hope you get some answers as to why your baby died. I am so terribly sorry.
I really feel for your other little girls too.

LarkDescending · 11/02/2020 21:57

Such precious hours with Eleanor, every one of them. I’m so sorry for what you are going through, OP. My thoughts are with you and yours Flowers

byefeliciabye · 11/02/2020 22:12

Sending you so much loveThanksIncredibly sorry for your loss of beautiful EleanorThanks

firesong · 11/02/2020 23:34

Sorry you didn't get the cuddle cot, and how lovely that you're thinking of others at this time.

So sorry for the loss of your little Eleanor.

Busymummy16 · 11/02/2020 23:44

There are no words. I’m so sorry for the loss of your Eleanor. Sending so much love xxxxxxx

Bigsighall · 11/02/2020 23:46

Sorry for your loss. Sometimes life is bloody cruel. Sending love to you and your family xx

NameChangedBecauseIDid · 11/02/2020 23:57

Im so sorry for your loss OP, i bet she was beautiful x

I had my son at 25 weeks and he died 2 hours after he was born, my milk came through and the midwives gave me somthing to stop it. Have you been offered anything like this? If not, do ring & ask them x

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