Devastated

[Yappy12]

We had IUI in Jan. 1995 and then a beautiful daughter, Rachel, was born in Oct.1995. I'm her dad but was infertile so we'd to have donor sperm. Sadly she died suddenly a year ago from SADS, sudden adult death syndrome. This is where the heart suddenly stops for no apparent reason, bit like a cot death in a baby. It's usually hereditary so we blame the sperm donor but not much we can do now. We only had one so we're absolutely devastated and our lives are all but over.

@Yappy12 oh that’s so sad I’m so so sorry for your loss. How are you both coping? I’m not a parent and can’t even begin to understand what your going through. That’s so cruel. I don’t know what else to say but I hope you and your family are getting all the support you need.
Big hugs to you all x

So sorry. Absolutely devastating.

Oh Yappy I’m so sorry 😔

@Yappy12 I am so sorry to hear this. I really cannot imagine how you and your wife must be feeling. How are you doing?

Hi. It's 13 months now and we are worse than ever. I'm far worse than at the beginning. We found her collapsed on her bedroom floor and the last year has been an absolute nightmare. We'd to wait 15 weeks for her funeral as they couldn't find any cause of death so had to send her heart and brain away for tests. Still found nothing so it goes down as Sads. After all our fertility issues then to succeed and her to just be taken away at 22 is so awful. She'd just got her degree last year.

I just can't stop crying at the sheer waste of a great future. She wasn't ill at all but it's some rare heart defect that doesn't show itself during life. Usually hereditary and nothing on her mum's side so probably the donor.

I've had grief counselling but it didn't help. Am just existing to look after her little dog and she's only 6 so could live a good few more years. How can you ever recover from your only one going so sudden.ly like that? TBH I still can't believe it, think I'm in a bad dream and will wake up.

Oh Yappy, I am so very sorry Look after each other x

Oh Yappy what an unimaginable, terrible situation. My heart goes out to you and I hope you're both being supported. 13 months is still relatively raw for such an awful shock, and I'm sure you will learn to cope. Thinking of you and your wife 💐

Yappy, I am so, so sorry for you and your wife. How absolutely devastating for you both

Yappy, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, your wife and beautiful daughter, Rachel. Life is so unbearably cruel sometimes. I lost a loved one in very traumatic circumstances 12 years ago and am only now beginning my journey to acceptance. I am thinking of you x

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Yappy how terrible. I’m so sorry.

Thanks everyone. There's no real support. As our family Dr. says, no pill can help with grief. Rachel's friends come to see us every month but apart from them, everyone's stopped coming. They have their own lives and no-one can understand what it's like. It's different to losing a parent or sibling or grandparents. We can never have grandchildren but more importantly she can never get married or have kids or a career.

I'm so sorry, I don't have anything useful to add 💐

I'm so sorry, thinking of you and your lovely daughter

She had the best, most appreciative parents ever. Who cherished every part of her life
Life is fucking unfair
Look after her ddog and get another. I swear they are almost Human
I am so horribly sorry for your loss.
My dd is a straight surrogacy baby. It’s literally every single egg in one basket

Hi op, I'm so incredibly sorry. I can't imagine the pain.

Have you had any contact or support groups with people who have been through similar with their children? There was a girl called Krissy Taylor who died in the 90's, aged 21 if I recall. Very suddenly and it was put down to her heart, which they had no knowledge of.

Here is her parents website:

s419988967.onlinehome.us/_top.html

I hope you don't mind me posting this. Talking to other people in similar situations is the only way I have felt less alone at times through grief.

Apologies she was 17.

Hi. Thanks for that. Such a lovely pretty girl who enjoyed life as Rachel did. My wife's Filipino so they'd been there in February and last year she'd been to Thailand with her boyfriend of 7 years and loved it. He's in an awful state still as he was planning to ask her to marry him, after asking me first on New Year's Eve. Am glad in a way that it happened in her own home rather than at his where she stayed half the week, or in Philippines or Thailand or even when she was driving.

I joined a couple of Facebook bereavement groups. One is for dads who have lost adult children to heart failure.

At first there were so many rumours which upset us that she'd committed suicide or taken an accidental overdose. The toxicology was totally clear as she never took anything! People couldn't believe that you can just die so suddenly at 22 but you can. There's 600 a year just in the UK and not heart attacks but the heart just stops.

Are you young enough either of you to adopt or foster?
I can’t stop thinking about how unfair this is. When my friend offered to have my dd for us, she said that the reason she wanted to help was because I wanted a family. Not a baby. A family
Do you have any nieces and nephews you are close to ?

We are both 59. No, have no nieces or nephews here but my wife has lots in Philippines.

I’m so so sorry. Life is so unimaginably unfair sometimes and what happened to your darling Rachel is utterly unfair. A year is no time at all to even begin to live with such a profound loss. I don’t think you ever recover but time somehow allows you to carry the loss around with you a bit easier.

My friend is 13 years on from the death of her son who she also went through hell and high water to have. It has got easier for her to cope as time passes. But right now you haven’t had enough time to even get over the shock. I wish I could reach through my computer screen and give you a huge hug.

I’m just so sad for you