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Original poster

Just been told that my lovely nan has passed away & my parents are away on holiday

427 replies

Pinkchampagne · 10/07/2007 17:57

They have only been gone since last Thursday, so I have to find a way to contact them to try & get them home before the funeral.
My nan had a massive stroke & I didn't know, and now she's dead. I'm in bits, I feel so guilty. I was going to phone her tonight to check she was ok, and now she's gone.[

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/07/2007 00:16

Thanks, scummy

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/07/2007 08:41

I forgot to put a in my last couple of posts.

Not cried yet this morning, but I think my body needs a break from all the crying. My reflection is scaring me right now!

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/07/2007 08:53

I wrote a little note in DS1's school contact book, just so that his teacher was aware he had been told.

They have both mentioned their great nanny this morning. DS1 told DS2 that he wouldn't see nanny x again, not until he was dead.
DS2 then started talking about a deceased cat that was in heaven (my pet as a child) & how the cat & his great nanny were in two heavens - one being Dover (think that is because there is a large Woolworths there!) & the other being cat land!!

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KITTENSOCKS · 13/07/2007 09:07

My DS said he thought that Angus, my childhood pet rabbit would be sitting on Grandmas' lap!
Glad you feel that you're making progress. There is only so much you can cry, it's exhausting.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/07/2007 09:36

It is exhausting, especially when teamed with total lack of sleep - it makes you feel quite ill.
It seems to come in waves atm, but I almost feel a bit guilty when I'm not in tears because I feel I should be crying for nan.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/07/2007 09:44

Mum & dad land at 2pm - there are bound to be an awful lot of tears later.

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Blu · 13/07/2007 10:09

PC - i think it is brilliant that DS1 has used his older brother staus to make explanations about the dath to DS2 - that shows great 'ownership' of what is going on, and confidence in dealing with something so sad fro them.

You have to lai=ugh at the conflation of heaven with woolworths - it sounds as if they are 'processing' the information very ewll. No one can escape the sadnesss - but they sound strong in dealing with it. That, my darling, is down to you .

Be proud of yourself, be proud of your boys.

I have seen those lovel pictures of your nan - and i know from the kind twinkle in her eye that Scummy is right - there is no way she would want her special grandaughter to feel bad about herself - oh no. She would want to be beside you now with a hankie, a sweet and a treasure from her trolley. She would not want you to feel guilty about anything. She would e=want you to look after your boys - as you are doing, so ell, and to get on with your life, whilst keeping a small loving corner of memories of her.

Blu · 13/07/2007 10:10

My typing...sorry!

BigGitDad · 13/07/2007 10:15

Sorry to hear about your nan Pinkchampagne, but please do not beat yourself with the guilt over this. Your Nan would not want you to feel this way and would want you to have happy memories of her. Your guilt is natural but she went very quickly which is some ways is a blessing.
I think it would be best if your children did not go to the funeral fwiw purely becfause of how you will react on the day. It will be a very upsetting time for you and maybe you need to think about yourself and your mother and that day. Adittionally it would not be very nice for your children to see you upset and I am sure they would find it very upsetting to because of your reaction.
Thinking of you.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/07/2007 10:53

They are not going to the funeral, BGD. I gave DS1 the choice though as I would have liked to have had the option when my grandad died, even though I was older than DS1.
He doesn't want to go, which is what I expected though.

Blu - thank you for your lovely post, you have me crying again!
I've sent you one more picture of nan with grandad. It was taken way back when I wasn't much older than DS1, and she is looking happy in it.

You are right - she would be beside me right now with a tissue & a jelly baby!

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/07/2007 13:58

My sister is coming round in half an hour & we are going to lay flowers in a place we used to go with nan when we were children. We are then going to my parents, which is going to be upsetting. Glad they are nearly home though.

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NAB3 · 13/07/2007 17:49

How are you doing?

CalifrauniusFudge · 13/07/2007 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/07/2007 10:48

My parents are home now & I spent yesterday afternoon & evening with my family.
Mum & my sister are going to Nan's house now, but I have had to come home with the boys. I am going to spend some time in Nan's house tomorrow.
Boys are playing up. DS2 has been throwing very aggressive tantrums for the past couple of days. I am trying to cope with it all in the right way, but I feel at breaking poibnt right now.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/07/2007 11:04

My family are shocked that I gave DS1 the choice as to whether he wanted to attend nan's funeral.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/07/2007 11:49

Went & messed up by talking about nan to mum last night, which upset her. I then felt bad & apologised, hugged her & cried.

Mum is now trying to organise things with her family. Some of her family members can be a nightmare. I hope there is no fighting.

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ScummyMummy · 14/07/2007 14:46

Why are they shocked? Do they have strong feelings one way or the other, then? Hang in there, honey.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/07/2007 15:08

They didn't tell me about grandad's funeral because mum said she was protecting me, but I was 12 at the time & would have liked the choice. I think this is what led me not to decide for my DS's, but give them the choice, and I'm glad I did.

I'm not doing very well at all today. Today feels worse than yesterday.

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DiagonAllieBongo · 14/07/2007 15:14

omg pc i was only thinking about you yesterday wondering how things were. i'm so sorry

WendyWeber · 14/07/2007 15:24

Oh PC, I've just read this whole thread and I'm so sorry that you've lost your lovely nan and that you feel so guilty for not having seen her that one last time

It's easy to tell from all your posts here that the two of you had a wonderful loving relationship and that she knew that you loved her as much as she loved you and your boys - she wouldn't want you to feel guilty for missing her by a day, she would prefer you to think of all the happy lovely memories of her you have been sharing with us.

I hope you'll be able to keep some precious bits from her house (like that penguin)

XXX

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/07/2007 15:32

I'm going to her house tomorrow. It will be really hard to go inside, see all the bits that made it nan's home, and have to help clear them away. We only have 2 weeks to get everything out.

Nan had a little cat, and I am thinking of taking care of that cat. I will feel I am doing one last thing for nan after not being there for her when she was dying.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/07/2007 15:36

Nan never said a bad word about me, even when I was that bad child, nan was always kind to me.

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DiagonAllieBongo · 14/07/2007 15:52

oh pc you are not a bad person. there is nothing you could have done, and you have enough on your plate to deal with at home. i think looking after the little cat would be a lovely gesture

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/07/2007 15:59

Nan didn't know about my marriage separation etc because I didn't want to worry or upset her.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/07/2007 16:00

She kept the newspaper cutting of my wedding picture in her album.

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