Just been told that my lovely nan has passed away & my parents are away on holiday

[Pinkchampagne]

They have only been gone since last Thursday, so I have to find a way to contact them to try & get them home before the funeral.
My nan had a massive stroke & I didn't know, and now she's dead. I'm in bits, I feel so guilty. I was going to phone her tonight to check she was ok, and now she's gone.[

HUGS

I explained to them that nanny was coming home tomorrow. DS1 said "No she isn't, she's not coming home for ages yet"
I then explained that his great nanny wasn't with us anymore & nanny will be feeling quite sad because we will all miss her.
He said "Is she dead?"
I told him that she was, and he said "But she had years before she should have died!"
I explained that she was very old & had had a long life, and that she had really loved him & DS2.
He then decided that all was ok because she is having a nice time up in heaven. He said she will be getting things in shops & not having to pay for them! (Sounds like my idea of heaven!)
I let him go along with his nice little thoughts, but explained that there will be a service in Church where we all say goodbye to nanny, and would he like to be be there too. He answered "No, I don't want to be there"
I told him that it was ok & that he didn't have to go. He then told me he was going to draw her a picture. (He hasn't done this yet)

I also explained it simply to DS2, but he has less understanding of death.
I talked with both boys about nice times they had with their nanny, and all the memories they had of her.
Both boys talked of her treats & DS1 said "But sometimes she gave us dolls, and I don't like dollies!"
DS2 remembered her best for her sweets & biscuits!

Oh PC, i'm so sorry about your lovely nan leaving you. How sad. How are you coping today? Hope the boys are ok. My thoughts are with you xxx

Just before he went to bed, DS1 said "Nanny will be saddest of all because Nanny x was her mummy, and I wouldn't like it if you died"
Bless him.

How sweet are your boys memories of their great nan! How old are they PC?

It is hitting me quite hard today, Fairy. I just can't believe she's gone.

They are 7 & 4

She always had sweets which she offered the grown ups too, often jelly babies!
She used to give me some money to buy myself sweets until I was around 20!!

Aww PC , do you find talking about your nan makes things a little better?

Do you have a date for your parents coming home yet?

My parents are coming home tomorrow afternoon. My sister & I are going to make sure we are round their house for when they arrive.
Not sure if talking about Nan is helping me or making me sadder right now, but I need to remember every little thing about Nan. I can't think about anything else atm.

Spoken to two of my friends on the phone tonight.

I have so many memories of my nan. She cared for us loads when we were children as my mum had quite a few periods of ill health. Nan would move in & take care of my sister & myself while mum was having her operations.

Whenever I saw nan, she would talk about things we got up to when I was very young, some of the things she would talk about were from when I was pretty much a toddler.
She would say "Do you remember those camps we made in the garden?"

When my parents went away it was my job to make sure I phoned & checked on her.
Mum had sent me an e mail on Sunday to remind me to give nan a ring in the week. She said not to let her get carried away talking about her illnesses...little did she know.
I was planning to phone her on that Tuesday evening when the boys were with their dad, but on that same day I found out I was too late, nan had died the day before
If only I had phoned on Sunday evening.

PC you handled the converstion with the boys so well.

I know you must feel you lost one last chance to talk with your nan...you weren't to know. Be sad that you didn't have one more conversation...but not guilty.

I wish I had phoned earlier, but the boys have been a nightmare to settle at bedtime, so I planned to do it when I had a quiet evening, but it was too late.
I told mum on the phone that I was too late with the call.

Don't know if I should write something in Ds1's contact book. He seems pretty ok really, but you don't know do you?

I remember feeling guilty after grandad died because I felt I should have seen him more. I was only 12 then, but I think it is very easy to feel that guilt when someone you love dies, isn't it?

Sweetheart, you know you. You will always tend to feel guilt when something bad happens. But it isn't your fault, and you can't make the world run sweet and smooth, and anticipate every thing. Yes, I think most of us do think 'is there something i could have done' or 'if only I had done this or that'..and that's because we care, or would have wanted to do the best - and more. It's a hard uncaring nut who can get by without giving things a second thought.Of course you needed a quiet moment to ring your nan, of course you find those moments very hard to find, you are under so much pressure atm. You took a good decision, made a plan, to call your nan at atime you couldconcentrate. Look at poor Beety who (with all the right intentions) suggested her DH swap a courtesy car for thiers in the garage...and he missed his mother's passing by half an hour....but you wouldn't 'blame' her would you? None of us would.

I hope your Mum won't...I realy do. Is that what is worrying you?

I don't know, Blu, I don't know what I'm thinking tbh.

It's odd, nothing feels real. Part of me was wanting to ring her number tonight just incase she answered, just to check...but of course she's not home. My head has gone bananas.

My sister & I are going to make sure we are round their house for when they arrive.

Based on prior knowledge, you are too nice.

Sleep well PC.

You are a good person.

Of course you are feeling at sea. It's a huge loss. bIg big hugs...

Yes, you are a good person.

PC - it sounds as if your nan really loved you and took care of you with kindness, nothing but kindness and love.

And you can't say that for many people in your life.

the loss is immense.

i can see that.

I've been cryin for your nan, too.
And for you.

PC- I've just seen this and I'm so very very sorry to hear about your nan dying. She sounds like she was a fantastico of the highest order and it's no wonder you're feeling so sad and numb with her loss. I always love people who give out sweets! They are the best of people. I bet she was v v v v v proud of her lovely granddaughter.

I do think you've handled telling your boys brilliantly too. Letting them choose what to do about the funeral is a really inspired idea and sounds like it worked perfectly for ds1. You are such a clever and thoughtful mum.

I think blu is right that you maybe tend to blame yourself for things that are in no way shape or form your fault though and I really think you must try v hard not to this time. Death is bad for that anyway, ime. There are always what ifs and wishes and these turn easily to feelings of guilt or anger. But you did your very best for your lovely nan within the context of the other important things in your life and you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. She would not want you to blame yourself, as others have said. I am sure of that.

Lots of love.

{{{{{PC}}}}}}

Ahhh, Blu, bless you.

Nan was lovely, really lovely. I found DS2's baby book tonight & in it was the card she sent me when he was born. She had written "To my special grandaughter, Lots of love Nan."
I have left that card out on my table, I don't want to put it away.