Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent

[Mummylin]

Here we are on a new thread for a new year.
Hopefully we can bring some comfort to those who are mourning their Mum / Dad.

Oh spider massive hugs I know what you mean about the mornings ,they are the worst, I get how you feel ,all I can say is keep putting one foot in front of the other until one day it seems worth it again. Thoughts with all in this shit journey.

spiderlight I'm so sorry

Sorry spiderlight. Day after my mum’s memorial which we all agreed was uplifting a close friend (who had been there feeling uplifted) had terrible diagnosis and prognosis. Felt as though tiny step forward re my mum meaningless in circs now. We all just have to keep going, keep supporting others in friend family circle and look after ourselves too. I just keep thinking things will get better and part of that is being there for others too. Spider you’ve had a terrible load. It will get easier to carry with you.

It was my mum's funeral today, or rather yesterday as it's nearing 2am and I can't sleep. Need to be up in 4 hours too as another busy day ahead. Nothing feels real right now.

Big hugs, poppy - you must be exhausted, physically and emotionally. Pace yourself.

Heron Sorry about your friend's bad news. It just feels like the sh!t keeps on coming, doesn't it?

Hugs to everyone
I was having a good enough day until about an hour ago. I booked a trip earlier on today to visit a friend next month. Mum would normally be the first person I'd tell if I had any getaways booked - she loved to travel loved hearing that me and OH would be going somewhere. I guess that was all in the back of my mind when I was making dinner and I accidentally splurted chopped tomatoes all over my (favourite) jumper and jeans - ended up bawling into the pasta sauce I was making . It's funny what little things hit you hard.

Yes cherry. I too am finding little things catch me unawares. Keep wanting to tell mum all sorts of things. Especially keep wanting to tell her about how lovely her memorial was and messages from old friends etc. Hugs all.

Yep I feel your pain ,things I want to tell mum I get a tiny second of thinking must tell mum and then whack the realisation hits sometimes I feel so bloody angry my wee mum dead and dad in a home with parkinsons mid 70's sorry just trying to make sense and struggling too!!!💐to all

It's horrible when little things catch you - I keep thinking 'I'll ask dad...' because he was such a knowledgeable person and then realising I can't. I also keep picking his stuff at the supermarket. He lived on Polos, HobNobs and hazelnuts and we had to keep a steady supply going, so it's hard walking past them now. We sent him off with a packet of Polos and a handful of hazelnuts in his breast pocket for the journey.

That was such a lovely gesture spiderlight. We just left rosary beads with my mum but now I also wish we'd left her glasses which she always wore and a necklace or earrings. Not like she'd need them but it seems wrong that she is without now when she never was in life.

Mum's funeral yesterday. Standing room only in the (quite spacious) crematorium chapel. Pretty bloody humbling that she was remembered by so many people, and we gave her the best send-off we could. Feel a bit better for that.

cherry don’t worry. I like to think wherever my lovely mum is now has a good optician cos we didn’t send her off with her glasses either. Actually we didn’t get a chance to send her off with anything cos of autopsy and inquest delay but feel she will have all she needs.
scrommidge how lovely. Well done for sorting it all out so it was so well attended and well done your mum for being so loved.

Scrommidge that was lovely it somehow eases the pain knowing your mum was so well thought of,oh heron you just reminded me I don't think my wee mum had her glasses either so hopefully they are waiting on the optician together, it's funny the things you remember and don't? Starting soon to clear out the flat going to be hard plus deciding what to keep etc hugs to each and every one

I think it's helps when there is a good attendance at the funeral, I was happy that my dad was loved by so many people.
My dad loved liquorice so even now I find it hard to walk past it in the shops.
I didn't send him off with his glasses either, they are still next to my bed! We did send him off with his favourite shirt and some worry dolls my DD gave him in hospital, and his lucky stone😏

My wee mum got a teddy I gave her for mothers day yonks ago plus some lovely family photos plus a letter telling her I would look after dad,think that gives you comfort they have something of meaning close to them

My mum died a year ago now and I still find it very hard to believe she has gone. My dad died in 2011 and I still grieve him everyday and I sometimes think I have no more grief left inside me. My mum had been ill but deteriorated really quickly. I didn't make it to her in time and only found out when I was waiting for a flight connection in Dubai. I have never felt so utterly alone. I still have her ashes to scatter and will be doing that later this year.

It is so heartwarming to see how you are all supporting each other. It certainly makes a difference and makes everyone feel / know they are not alone.
It is quite telling when all the newest posters are feeling so much better, they eventually have no need of this thread, but I personally think that is lovely and it is great that everyone has helped each other reach that point.
Hope you will all have the best weekend possible 🌺🌺

Foxyknoxy - love to think of your wee mam and my wee mam chatting in the queue. Think there will be an orderly queue but a queue nevertheless as quite a few need them it seems !

Feeling a.bit stronger today, my Mum left me a letter ( she was such a loving Mum trying to look after me even when she wasn’t here I read it a lot, maybe not all of it but certain bits, the things that keep me going is that she told me not to grieve for her ( I’ll ignore her on that one for a while!) but she told me to remember her and that is what I am trying to do. I am in shock that she went without warning but I try to think what she would be saying to me as I go about my day and that is comforting. My counselling is helping and my friends who have gone through similar experiences have been fab.
The podcast griefcast has also been a great find, try it out, it’s comforting hearing others experiences if grief which sometimes are funny.
I read a quote the other day which said “ the only way you can live without grief is to live without love “ and we wouldn’t want to do that would we?
Probably the most difficult thing to deal with one month on is seeing my Dad without the love of his life
Any tips on dealing with the parent who is grieving?

Hello I lost my mum last summer after a very short period of ill health no prior warnings very fit and active having the grandchildren etc. I still find it hard to believe I think we all do it’s very hard as I have young family that need me to be present continually. They miss her too. For me it’s like my anchor has gone or as a friend put it who lost her mum the sheltering sky.
I feel like a permanent misery not weeping and wailing but just glum I don’t feel depressed as such but I wish I could be happier for the children.
Does anyone have any tips on feeling more rooted or finding their own anchor? I do have a loving family but as only daughter I do feel the loss differently. Sorry for all your losses and pain too.

Bagpuss 💐I wish I could give you some inspiration to help, but how you put it about the sheltering sky is such an apt way to describe how I feel too.I am just beginning my journey and even though your further down the line your pain is completely justified ,and I am sure people will be along to offer some guidance. I can only advise one day at a time I try and not think back or ahead way too painful but believe me,you are not alone we all get the shit feeling you have ,hugs

Heron I can just see it now putting the world too rights and having a wee blether ,makes me calmer to think she is hopefully at some sort of peace

My dad will be in the queue for the optician as well - I wanted to keep his glasses, but now I'm panicking because I'm not 100% sure where they are. We're all in boxes at the moment waiting for building work but they'll be in there somewhere.

Bagpuss. Sorry about your mum. I have no advice really as it's all still very raw for me but I know just how you feel. I'm an only child and lost my mum 13 years ago, so now to suddenly be without my dad as well I feel strangely rootless, cut adrift. Luckily my lovely MIL is hanging onto me.

Re optician queue. I am now seeing this as a sit down tea/wine/accessible loo close by - type queue (god wouldn’t that be lovely for us too !). My wee ma was a bit of an ‘organiser’ but very generous. She’d make sure thenqueue was fair. She died of ‘old age’ just fell in garden. No other cause of death discovered despite autopsy and inquest. Her glasses were scratched by the fall which she would have been upset about as they were new. New because of recent cataract surgery. She adored seeing colours sharply again - particularly ‘her’ robins and blue tits. I like to think all are getting their new specs. All nonsense but lovely comforting nonsense, eh ? So perhaps not nonsense at all.
Hugs all.

My dad would be mending all the specs! he had a miniature screwdriver set to mend glasses. He was a do-er. He would help anyone with anything, I miss his expert knowledge about everything, he always had an answer to a problem.

bagpuss I'm 16 months down the line and know what you mean. It's not depression, just a flat feeling and a feeling that the anchor of our family has gone.
I get through it by thinking about dad daily, funny times and sad times. He begged me to look after mum after he'd gone so I try and do my best. To be honest I think we are just toodling along aimlessly but what else can we do?!
Hugs to all🌹