Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent

[Mummylin]

Here we are on a new thread for a new year.
Hopefully we can bring some comfort to those who are mourning their Mum / Dad.

Hi all, it's been a while. It's coming up for 2 years since mum on Friday and my dad is having a triple heart bypass tomorrow I'm finding this anniversary so much harder than the first. Trying to keep myself together for dad but I'm struggling I've cried so much today.

Noddy, I'm so sorry you've found yourself here, my thoughts are with you and I wish you strength in the coming days.

Thank you all. I've been sleeping for a lot of the day and keep on waking, thinking I have dreamt everything. I have so much to do tomorrow and feel drained. I would love to kiss her again one more time

Oh God - the waking up. That's hard. There's that second or two when everything's normal and then it hits you again. It does get easier though - I'm just over a month in and now it's less of a punch in the gut and more a cold wet blanket settling on me.

I have my aunt's funeral tomorrow, in the same place that my dad's was on the 4th. Absolutely dreading it :(

Spider I remember that feeling very well. Just waking up as normal , all is well, then you remember just a few seconds later and so it hits you again, it really has happened. I used to wonder how I
Kept getting the meals, doing mundane things like washing etc.
I don't know why this is, it must be a survival instinct or something.
It will be sad for you tomorrow, going to the same place so soon after losing your dad. I know the first time I had to go there after my mums funeral I was dreading it. But in my town it's the main crematorium, so I knew that I would just have to face it.
It was not as bad as I thought. I hope it will be the same fir you today 💐

Hello all, I hope you don't feel like I'm intruding on this thread. I am so so sorry for all of your losses. I cannot even start to imagine how it must feel and reading through the thread has brought me to tears.
I am looking for some guidance and I hope you don't mind me asking.
A family member on my husbands side lost her Mum very very suddenly yesterday. She is only 25. I am at a complete loss as to where I/we start with reaching out to her. It's obviously still so raw at the moment. I have bought a very simple card that is completely blank inside, which I intended to send over this weekend. Is this a good idea? I thought maybe DH should check with his brother first. I know she probably won't look at it or even open it and that's fine... I don't want to do anything that will cause anymore upset. Any ideas or suggestions (for now and future) would be gratefully received. Thank you

Had to see priest, get death certificate, see funeral director and empty a few things from my mother's nursing home. I saw some of the staff who were with her when she passed and they said she was peaceful. I had my husband with me which was of huge support as I was very emotional when we were in her room where she passed away. It's making it all a bit more real.
What else should I be doing at this stage? Any tips for anything? When my father died I remember my mother printing announcement cards and sending them to everyone. I don't know whether to do the same. The only thing holding me back is that she was in a nursing home for 5 years and none of her friends visited her.

rain a card sounds lovely. If you can say something simple about being there for her if she needs help in any way that would be good. I loved every bit of support when my ma died 8 weeks ago including notes through door, emails, cards, letters etc. If for any reason you think she would be upset then of course check first but I can’t imagine she would be.
You say she is only 25 that is really tough.
Just be there for her as a female family member there quietly by her side in support. It means a lot. Good luck.

Rain I'm sure she would appreciate a card. I am only 28 and lost my mum in November. We got quite a few cards and notes from mum's friends and they were all lovely. If you knew her mum and remember any lovely qualities about her you could mention them - those were my favourite bits of the cards we got.

Noddy we didn't do announcement cards. Part of the funeral director's service was a notice in the local paper so we relied on that, other than telling close family and friends.

Emptying the nursing home room is blooming hard. I'm glad the staff were of comfort to you though. They were amazing with me when we had to do it.

I hope it's okay to post here. My lovely dad is gone but not gone. He was diagnosed with a brain tumour earlier this month. His deterioration has been unbelievably rapid and yesterday his consultant told us there was nothing more they could do and that Dad has a matter of weeks left. I have been steeling myself for this news but hearing someone verbalise my very worst fears – however expected - has hit me, my sister and my dear mum like a tonne of bricks. Six weeks ago Dad was (seemingly) fine – walking his beloved dog, messing about with his grandchildren and now he’s lying in hospital, wires everywhere unable to walk, talk or eat. That last fragment of hope I was grasping for a miracle has now vanished. I will never hear his voice (“Hello my favourite daughter!” as he always greeted me/and my sister!) or feel his big, strong hug again. I'm swinging from feeling numb to crying like I will never stop.

So, so very sorry to all of you on here, dealing with the heartache of your own losses.

I'm so sorry Nankles. My mum also went from seemingly fine to not in a matter of weeks so I know how much of a shock it is - we were also hoping for a miracle that didn't materialise. Take care of yourself. My brain was in such a fog the first few weeks I found it hard to remember to eat or concentrate on anything for more than 10 minutes. Soup and snack type foods can be good as cooking is a total chore when you feel so upset. I hope your dad's last few weeks are peaceful and comfortable for him.

Thank you Cherry. And I am so sorry to hear of the pain you are going through losing your dear mum. The brain fog is here in spades, my mind is so preoccupied I can't even make a cup of tea without walking off and forgetting to drink it. Take care.

Nameless cherry and spider and everyone I am so sorry - itnis just crap isn’t it.
Sleepless here and realised after 8 weeks of organising somkichnits not the ‘less to do’ that is the problem. I think I threw myself into organising the funeral and memorial service and reception for my mum and somehow she would be ‘with us’. Feels now like she is really slipping away from me and I am finding that really tough.

‘So much’ not the gobbledegook above

Hello everyone.
I'm sorry to see new people on the thread. But please take comfort in the support you get on here. I couldn't have got through the last 6 months without the safety net of being able to come here and have people understand and get what you are going through.

It's been a bitter sweet January. So many times I've wanted to tell my Mum important stuff. Stuff that she would have loved to have known like I'm almost divorced from my abusive exhusband and the fact I've just got my first ever car to learn to drive in.
But just when I think I'm going to be OK that wave of grief slams me back.

So sorry to those that have lost a parent, my mum passed away on the 12th January, and the her funeral was on last Tuesday, it’s been hard and I feel lost, and my brain has gone walkies
Miss her badly

So very sorry to you Owned, Heron and Flaming. This board is full of such support - I’m so glad I found it but wish none of us had cause to be here

So very sorry, Owned - it's just horrible, isn't it?

I had to go and register my dear mother's death and get the death certificate today. It was snowing so much but I knew it had to be done. It feels so very final now. The lady at the register office did make me laugh though in saying that her job is quite literally 'Match, hatch, dispatch'. Feeling quite emotionally drained now.

((( Noddy ))) It's a brave and horrible thing to do. Seeing it on an official form makes it feel very real.

The registrar who registered my dad's death last month was called 'Joy' - it nearly made me smile.

My Mum died on Tuesday. It was expected but we were expecting weeks and we got 24 hours.

Unfortunately I live a 4 hour drive away so couldn’t make it. I have a 3 year old and a 6 week old. I’m so sad my Mum never got to meet my lovely son. We were planning a visit but we didn’t make it

Todsy is the anniversary of my beloved Grandma. Every year my Mum like snowdrops to put in front of her favourite photograph. This year it's my turn. I found these in the garden this morning. My heart aches today.
One thing that's happened since my Mum died is that I can't stop thinking that I've probably only got 20-25 years left myself. I can't stop dwelling on it and it scares me. Its nothing at all.

Hi. My lovely mum died yesterday. She had a massive stroke in November and just kept going - transferring to a nursing home n December and astounding everyone. She could speak and laugh but had no idea what was going on.This last week, her little tiny body just started giving up and he finally slipped away yesterday. I wasn't there, which hurts but I think she knew I loved her and id said goodbye so many times. We had a tricky relationship but I think in the past few years we were as close as we could be, and the past three months have been really, in an odd way, wonderful. I don't know if I'm sad, or relieved or how I feel. Its just numbness right now.

lepit I am really sorry. How lovely that you had good times with her over recents times. Don’t worry about sometimes huge feelings of relief - it’s normal and no doubt relief for her and for you. I felt relief when my ma died 2 months ago because she was well, at home, full faculties etc. So although it was a terrible shock she didn’t go through any loss of any independence etc. She was 85 and cause of death ‘old age’. Really pleased she went when and how she did. Hugs to you - you will be in some shock even though it was expected to an extent. Eat and drink well and look after yourself.
flaming me too. I’m in mid 50s and suddenly with mum and dad both gone I feelnurgent need to make best use of time left. Doesn’t seem so long.

Please help me, I feel so desperate

My mum is dying. I've been there all day and I needed to come back and have a bath and try and sleep - which I can't - as I was awake literally all last night

She's comfortable and not in pain now and was talking and laughing today. She has kidney failure now so we've been told she will eventually become more confused and fall asleep and I know that's the best way. She's also a little breathless due to heart starting to fail

She knows who we all are but she's not herself. She's confused but in a nice, benign way. I literally stood and cried and cried next to her and she patted my hand and told me to cheer up it may never happen and then laughed! The confusion is apparently just toxins building up in the brain and is a blessing really. She's quite happy

But I'm not. We WhatsApp dozens of times a day and have for years. We chat every day. We are very close

I know I've been lucky to have her for 47 years. I have a wonderful supportive family and great kids (both very upset ) but I cannot begin to even fathom how she can just go. In the space of ten days starting with a kidney infection we are now here - and it's imminent.

How do I do this? I look ahead and all I can do is just howl at how I will never ever see her again after this is over

Please someone just say anything please.