Support For Anyone Who Loses A Parent

[Mummylin]

We offer a shoulder and compassion for those that need it.

Took myself of work on Tuesday and am girding my loins to go back tomorrow. Felt like I had to at the time but now really wishing I hadn't as I don't really feel any better and now there'll be a pile of shit heaped up in my absence I need to do twice as fast. Urgh. Also feeling anxious as my mum's mental health is what lost her her job and set her up for a lifetime of poverty, dependence and difficulty... I'm still in my probation period and I keep wondering what I would do if they decide to let me go because of how badly I've been performing and taking time off everything feels so precarious and anxious... Urgh. I guess I just need to pull my finger out now and try to redeem myself a bit. Just don't feel that is going to be any more possible than before I took the best part of a week off and wasted it for the most part

@Ennirem
One day at a time is all that you can do. Just breathe and do what you can.

@LittleSpace What were they?? I love reading. Anyone up for creating a bookclub?

@Bi11yButton Throw that book out! It sounds horrible!! Lol

Enim It wasn't wasted time,your body,head and heart needed time. I'm one of those who drags myself in with anything. I let the kids have time off( unheard of) and I've had 4 days off so far but will need more. Because he picked me up o nome the last day it's going to be a massive hurdle. I'm so shattered,numb and frankly got so much to do I can't see myself going in until Thursday/ Fri already dreading it.Just hope I can go through with it. Then planning on just 2 days the following week,then back to normal. Haven't had this oked but honestly think it will be the best I can do. Wondering if I need a doctor's certificate for back up. Had a lovely day in the sun( God just wrote son,my spelling has gone to pot and I work in a school)yesterday with all the grandchildren looking at the place the service will be.Was so relaxed and lovely,really appreciated all the beauty. Felt guilty we were all being so positive and having a nice time alongside heartbroken we didn't do it more. My sister lives a couple of hours away,we're a close family but I feel we wasted some time. I slept until 5 which is an improvement,waking up is when the sadness and missing really kicks in.Found the Griefincommon site which has a good list of helpful articles on the right. Kind of realistic but not doom laden iykwim.Yes to book recommendations. My alternative is The Death of Mrs Westaway😳. Mum is reading Tangerine which she says is just right.

Good luck for today Enir

I haven't heard of either of those. I'm up for something thrilling. Maybe a murder mystery??

I've been reading the Robert Galbraith (or JK Rowling) series of four books (private detective / murder mystery) with Cormoran Strike as the detective (she has created very good characters). Can also recommend the DVD / TV series based on the book which follows it very well and is superbly acted. Thanks to the writer, actors and others who all helped to take my mind off Mum's death.

One thing though, the second book is quite grisly and obviously has death in it so don't read yet if you think it will upset you. It doesn't bother me as I bond with the characters over the deaths.

I think there may be a book club somewhere on here.

@LittleSpace
There's one I've found on here but I've already finished the book!! I read it in a few days. Anything to make the time go by, I guess. But there's no one to discuss it with yet so that's why I'm looking for a new book to start and discuss.

Happy to join in.

welcome newbies, sorry you have had to join us
I've not posted for a few days as I've been working nights and I struggle to string 2 words together let alone type
I've recently got into Peter James books, the inspector Grace series. Very good psychological killer type books. Quite gory and very different to my usual choice but I'm enjoying them.
Felt a bit sad at the weekend as mum said her friend told her we should have got rid of dads clothes by now (He died a year ago) but mum can't bring herself to do it.
That made me so angry! I told mum that dads clothes can stay in the wardrobe for the next 10 years if that's what she wants. I love seeing his shirts and ties all lined up.
I still have his glasses next to my bed. Is that wrong?

Bi11yButton I would advise a Drs note and may be another week off? It won't do you any good going back too soon

Sorry for everyones loss and sad to have to join you. My dad passed away suddenly on 29th September, was fine then developed an infection the sepsis on Thursday and died by saturday. Im still in shock and this hurts so much, feel lost

Hi Ellie I have just recently list a sis in law to sepsis. It is a horrible thing to get.
I am so sorry that you have lost your dear dad in such horrrible circumstances. I am sure you must be in shock as well as trying to cope with grief.
The first few days sometimes just seem like a blur, it's hard to believe that it's really happened. It's the pits trying to cope.
It is only a few days for you and I'm sure it's unbearable at the moment.
I hope you are surrounded by good friends and family so you can all support each other at this very sad time.
This thread is always here when you need to offload, or need a shoulder. 💐
jools your mum can keep your dads things for however long she wants to. It's not for anyone else to say.

Thanks mummylin I know that deep down, I just was appalled at what mums 'friend' said to her. she's older than mum and has been a widow for quite a few years. She seems to be trying to control mum into doing things. She's very kind and all but it's a tad worrying. I hope things are ok with you and yours.
Ellie I'm sorry for your news, what a shock. I second everything Mummylin said. Take things a day at a time and we are here

I tried to post earlier but it wouldn't work. . Your mum can keep his things till the end of time. I think it's sweet that you have kept his glasses right where they were. These are going to be slow wounds to manage.

And Ellie I'm so sorry. I know the numbness and shock and confusion. I'm here in the same boat even though it was in July. Feels like yesterday. Or even today. I'm glad we have each other.

I've just found and been reading this beautifully supportive thread. I lost my dad 6th September 2017, so 13 months in now. He died completely out of the blue, though he had some health issues. What 70yo doesn't? The pain at the beginning was so physical that it did actually hurt my heart. And so true that grief comes in waves and sometimes out of nowhere and knocked me right off my feet.

I took 4 weeks off work to help Mum, sort the funeral, his paperwork and to be with my sister who had flown in from the states. But I still had to take the odd intermittent day off work when my grief would fell me at my knees and I simply couldn't function. That does sound very dramatic reading that back.

Christmas was unbearable culminating in the turn of the year from 2017 to 2018 when I couldn't accept I was leaving him behind as the world continues to turn without him in it.

2018 has been consumed with supporting my mum who suffers from Parkinson's. My dad died just 2 weeks before they would've been married 50 years and on the day Dad died I promised him not to worry about Mum and that I would look after her.

Recently she's had very poor health (I've been over on the elderly parents board), the decline coinciding exactly one year after his death. But I'm pleased to say the crisis has passed and life is a bit more peaceful now.

However the latest thing for me is to be obsessed about her dying. On the one hand I don't want her to die but on the other I'm hoping she goes like my dad and doesn't linger suffering with her bastard disease. It helps to write that down as difficult to talk about IRL without sounding horrid about wishing my mum dead.

Thanks for reading and I'm sorry to everyone else who's here, whether your loss be recent or years ago

blueglasses my dad died 5.9.17 so we have been on a similar path.
All dad worried about was leaving mum behind. It was heart wrenching. They were lucky enough to have just celebrated 52 years of marriage and I promised my dad I would look after mum.It broke my heart that he didn't want to leave us.

So that's what I've done, luckily mum is in reasonable health but I make sure I see her at least every 2 days. She has good and bad days as do I but we are getting there.

Like you Xmas and new year was so painful, dad absolutely loved xmas and mum refused a tree etc. I bought her a glass angel instead . There were lots of tears and it's all a bit of a blur, I don't know how this year will go....

Thanks everyone. Just trying to take one day at a time but already having the same thoughts around christmas and new year. Dad loved christmas. My mum still has my brothers at hope and my husbamd is great my daughter keeps me busy too she loved her papa so much but is just under 3 so doesnt understand

Ellie I wasn't sure how to do the first Xmas, whether to do something totally different or not. In the end we just did our usual thing, and I will be honest, it was harrowing. The thought of mum waking up alone on Xmas day upset me but she didn't want anyone to stay with her.
It will be tough but I just kept telling myself that dad would have wanted us to enjoy Xmas because he loved it so much xx

I have to say that going into the first new year was one of the most awful days.instead of saying that" my mum died so many months ago" you now have to say " I lost my mum last year "
It was one of my most upsetting times to be honest.
This month the anniversary will be upon me once again and just 3 days later it's the anniversary of my sisters death who died at 26,
"Jools" all ok at the moment but edging nearer to dh,s op the week before Xmas. ( I am more nervous than him )

Forgot to say hello to Blueglasses. Welcome to this lovely thread. It's very supportive as we all have been through the loss of a loved one.
How sad that your mum is now not in the best of health, yet another worry for you.
I too just like you actually felt a physical pain in my heart and my legs I could hardly lift at the time.
But of course this improved. I am glad that things are more settled for you and your mum now and hope that you can have plenty of happy times together. 💐

Hi all,was off grid for a couple of days in a haze. We went through his wallets and cut up all his cards. Was up there with arranging for his car to be sold and collected by the dealer he bought it from. Thought it going would help but the empty space hurts every time I see it. Why us? This is so unfair. Going back to work tomorrow,they've been very understanding but I'm dreading it. Dreading that they'll think I'll fall to pieces and dreading that I will. I won't as dad would kill me but the fear is still there.