Support For Anyone Who Loses A Parent

[Mummylin]

We offer a shoulder and compassion for those that need it.

7 months is still quite recent ineed and it's perfectly understandable that you feel as you do. That would be lovely if your MIL could come and stay.
Don't put any more pressure pressure on yourself. You must not worry yourself too much. You are a grieving dd and that is enough to cope with at one time. You obviously are a very thoughtful person and your dh will feel better by you just saying a few kind words, listen if he wants to talk , other than that there isn't much more you can do.

Thank you for your kind words Mummylin

most I'm sorry for your loss⚘ like others have Said, you will be in shock. Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. When my dear dad died, 8 months ago, I worried about all the days ahead, funeral, ashes, birthdays and so on.
I've since realised that's not good for me,so i now just wake up each day and see what happens!
Today is the 1st bank holiday since dad died, my mum was a bit lost as they usually went out on BH. and I would help him in the garden. so i took mum for an ice cream.
God I still miss him so much. Somehow the sunny weather makes it worse. He loved the sun.
I hope everyone is ok today.⚘

I am really struggling at the moment, beware for a long post. Tomorrow is my daughters 3rd birthday and I feel guilty that I’m not excited. I want to be excited but I’m just not feeling it. When it was my son’s birthday last September my dad had only been dead 3 months. It was the first ‘first’ so it was incredibly hard but I threw myself into organising him a party. I felt so upset that Dad wasn’t there to see him turn 6.
But as time has gone and I no longer cry every day (!) I was expecting to feel ok about this ‘first’. But again I am feeling numb about the day.
It’s bought everything back and I feel crushed by grief once again. I’m struggling at work and no longer enjoy my job. I’m having problems with a colleague and might need to raise a formal grievance.
No one asks how I am anymore, friends expect me to have gotten over it. I struggle even dropping my son at school and no longer socialise with the other mum’s. I have no joy in the things that I used to enjoy. Sorry to go on, but I’m feeling a bit crap!!

Hi Ali you are still in the first year of grieving so it s quite normal to feel as you do. Understandably you are now thinking of your dad as your dd first birthday without him comes around. It is another first , this time for your dd.
It will get better, but your grief has to run its course. There is no easy or quick way I'm afraid. But it really does get better in time.
As for friends thinking you should be over it by now, this is a very common thing that bereaved people find happens. And it's mostly from others who haven't yet lost a parent, so they have no idea of the devastation when it happens. I don't think they realise at all and I'm sure most would be horrified if they knew how much it hurts when others expect you to be " over " it in a few weeks.
Just get through day by day as you have been doing. I hope your dd will have a wonderful birthday 💐

Wise words mummylin.
For myself it’s not been a month yet and people has already stopped asking - well actually they never started! Obviously some people have been very kind but the majority of work colleagues have said nothing to me at all about it. Maybe I’m expecting too much, I don’t know!

Hello Igg I am so sorry you are going through the hurt of people ignoring your bereavement. I have to confess I have not spoken to one of my neighbours since I lost my mum, he is a single dad and when he was struggling my mum knitted cardigans for his dd.
When my mum died he didnt even mention it. Just a little word would of done. So you see I know exactly how it feels.
How on earth people expect you to "recover" from such a sad event in just a matter of weeks is unbelievable.
It's not as though anyone has to make a big speech about it or anything, a little bunch of flowers or a kind word or two can make such a difference. Gradually you will have more good than bad days, but for now, just cope with each day as it comes. 💐

Thanks guys. I should probably focus on the people who have been really kind - I've especially liked the ones who shared memories with me of my mum. And I know there's been times when I've not known what to say to someone. I still usually stutter out an "I'm sorry to hear about your x". Maybe I'm in the anger stage of grief!

Hello Everyone, I've been off the boards for a few weeks - am sad to see more people joining here. But I also know it's part of life. I've been a mixture of sad and aggressive at home which is not great. I also feel really confused - so the CS Lewis thing is so interesting - half drunk, a blanket between me and the world. I do feel detached. It's 15 weeks today. I miss going to visit him. Even though my Dad didn't know me properly in the last weeks. I miss him.

MummyLin, so pleased your DH has had his op and is doing well. Lovely news.

Hello Christmas Bereavement has to be the worst possible event in anyone's life. It is hard to come to terms with. It's a mixture of emotions Isn't it. We get angry, sad, then we just can't believe it's happened and so many other things.
But eventually this will all settle down, but I have to say it takes a while. It's hard to adjust to having a different sort of life without someone we loved. But in time we do, tough though it is.
Whatever you are feeling is all part of your grief, it is very early days still for you, just get through each day as it comes and you will be ok. 💐

Hi Kary. So sorry you have had to join us.
Surely as her next of kin you would be the one to do this ? I'm not sure if anyone else can do this. Maybe someone else will know.
Have you picked the funeral director or was it already arranged ? If you picked it yourself, you would be able to check if funeral was about to be held.
Usually the hospital will release the deceased to the funeral director, but I think they need a death certificate or something before they can remove anyone from the hospital.
It dosent sound like your mums ex has any right to do anything, he is an ex.
All these kind of problems seem to surface just when you have enough to cope with.
Did your mum leave any wishes what she wanted or speak to you about what would be happening ? Is there anyone to support you in all this ?
Don't hesitate to post here for support, someone maybe will know a bit more to help you. 💐

Oh my god. This all sounds awful for you. The circumstances are bad enough without all this extra stress and worry. Is there someone who can help you sort everything out ?
The will , if there is one may very well be lodged with a solicitor. Would you know who your mum would of used ?

What a terrible thing to do to someone. Did you know your mum was ill or Is this completely out of the blue ? What an awful shock for you. He may think the house is now his , so you may have a real battle on your hands, just when you can do without all the stress. It's helpful that you can access any apt's that had been made. Do you have anything to prove that he is a lodger and nothing else, rent book or anything at all. He sounds an awful person.

I lost my Dad on 5th May. I miss him so much.

I am so sorry Bex I expect you are feeling quite lost at the moment. It's such a life changing event when you lose someone so close.
The early days of your grief are amongst the worst and at times you feel you will never be happy again.
You need to just get by each day as it comes along, don't look too far into the future for now.
I hope you have other family and good friends to support you, this can be invaluable and help such a lot.
But whatever your situation, we are here if you feel the need for company. Take care 💐

oh bex I feel for you. I'm 8 months down the line and some days are still very hard. I remember those 1st few days, I couldn't believe my wonderful strong dad was gone, I still can't really.
Just take one day at a time, don't look too far ahead. I used to panic and worry about things further on down the line but it did me no good.
Look after yourself, this is a horrible thing to go through, I never imagined it would be so painful. Have you got support in real life? Stay on this thread, we've all been where you are now. If it helps, tell us all about your dad ⚘⚘

So I took a break but now I am back. I have been hiding. Did anyone else do that? I've been off all social media really, Just can't face it.

Am back this morning from my office utterly baffled that everyone who has come in this morning has asked me all breezily if I had a nice weekend. Its six weeks since DM died. No, I haven't had a nice weekend. I've cried all weekend. (didnt say that obviously)

I guess I'm not baffled. That's how I would be too probably. Also I'm acting cheery. But can't help the fact that I just feel angry that people think I'm okay.

Sorry to be having to join you. I lost my Dad on 10/5 after a long illness. Apart from that night and the next, I haven't really cried. I feel numb. The funeral isn't until 13/6 as my Mum wanted to avoid various dates.
Is it normal to feel detached? Am I really going to lose it at the funeral?
Sometimes I think that as I've shed so many tears over the last 3 yrs of his illness and especially the days leading upto his death, maybe there's nothing left?
Massive ((((hugs)))) to everyone going through this. x

Sorry to hear your news, thirdtime.
I think all emotions are acceptable - numbness, tears, detachment, relief that they aren’t suffering and that what you’ve been worrying about has actually happened. That’s a long wait for the funeral (it’s done within three days where I’m from) but hopefully will give everyone time to process it. My mum and dad’s were both a bit of a blur to me.

HelloThird sorry you have joined us. You are probably in a bit of shock, for myself I just could not believe my mum wasn't here. It's so hard to get used to in the early days, and I can still get so upset and for me this will be 7 yrs. I still go over the evening before when we had no idea we were going to lose her, neither did the hospital.
I don't know wether you are waking me n the morning and just for the first few seconds you think everything is normal, then realisation kicks in again. It's horrible.
Perhaps you have already done some of your grieving whilst your dad has been ill ? Or maybe because he has been ill, it may be a relief.
It must be a terrible strain to have a family member I'll for so long.
Most of us find the funeral s not as bad as we expect it to be, and it does help to have others there for you for support , and also it helps to chat with others afterwards.
And it dosent matter if you cry, if you bottle everything up it makes you feel worse. They do say tears are healing. Take one day at a time, don't worry about what will happen in the future.

Theweemac sadly a lot of people seem to think that once the funeral is over, we somehow bounce back to normal. Never mind that we are broken hearted at losing our mum. It can only be people who haven't yet lost a parent, so they really have no idea how bloody awful it is.
You are still n the very early days and it's natural to want to get off the world for a bit. I can only tell you that eventually things do improve, but it can take a while, bit anything that can be rushed. 💐