Support For Anyone Who Loses A Parent

[Mummylin]

We offer a shoulder and compassion for those that need it.

Thanks everyone.

We had cake, for the benefit of my DDs (3 & 5). Saddest birthday party ever.

Then I took them out into her garden and they shouted out how they loved her and missed her, and ‘happy birthday’ to the sky.

wee that's so sweet of your DD's but heartbreaking for you⚘
sorry for a the newbies that have joined. some sad stories on here.
PA my dad was terminally ill but died a lot sooner than we thought. His GP phoned both me and my mum to say how sad and shocked she was that he'd gone. we also had a lovely email from dads nurse specialist saying the same. it was nice to know people cared enough to contact us.

I'm finding it hard now the sun's out. Dad would have been out in his garden getting excited about the new buds etc. I can hardly bring myself to go in the garden at the moment, it's so empty without him. And we'd be doing the grand national today too....
I was pondering this morning about what changes he would notice if he came back now, 7 months later new carpet, DD new house, new kettle! How I would love him to knock on my front door now!

When my dad called the oncologist secretary to say my mum wouldn't be keeping her appointment they called back to make sure it wasn't a mistake because they'd only seen her 4 weeks before & that day was her best day for quite a few months - they couldn't believe she'd passed away so quickly. I think feeling cheated of time is exactly how I'd describe it - I didn't want my mum to suffer but still can't quite believe how fast it all happened

Same here Jools - we've done some house stuff since my mum died & my ds has a new girlfriend it's hard knowing my mum will never get to meet her. We've also had a few milestone birthdays that she would have loved to celebrate with us

Joining in again...almost three months since Dad died and just visited Mum in the family home with the DDs.
It felt difficult. .Mum seems to be more critical and controlling than she was when he was alive.
Everything we did seemed somehow wrong, little things like turning radiators down started the criticism.
I don't know if being on her own has caused this...not staying there again though, I can't handle it.
Anyone else seen this with a surviving parent?

maggie I've noticed my mum sometimes seems angry and will criticise everything and I've just put it down to part of the grieving process. but thinking about it, she always has no filter but I think dad used to pull her up on it. so nowadays she just says what she likes

Same with my dad he's always been the pessimist to my mum's optimism but only ever seems to see the negative in every situation these days - even if we've heard the exact same conversation or radio programme!

Big hugs to everyone who has recently arrived.

I thought I was doing okay and then I went to pick my ds up from preschool... apparently he spent half the morning lying in a box with his arms folded across his chest being "dead like grand dad".

Baby is due in 7 weeks and it's heart breaking to think he'll never see him or her because he wanted to so much.

@maggienolia my dm is definitely showing a lot of bitterness I don't remember her having previously but she's still really mad at my df for dying, especially because he had small cell lung cancer and was a heavy smoker when I was young. We are taking her away this weekend for her birthday and I'm dreading it.

Dinosaur I have similar issues with my DDs, at 3 and 5 they are both obsessed. Am doing my best with them but don’t know if doing this right. Did my research on how to talk about it, but the questions.... really hope am not traumatising them....

@TheWeeMacGregors I don't know either but my son's preschool teachers thought he was just working through it in a healthy fashion but that he might have traumatised a few other kids.

I was a similar age to your eldest when my paternal Grandfather died and then about 7 when one of my Great Grandmothers died. Apparently I asked a lot of strange questions and then became obsessed with vampires. I grew up relatively normal although Dracula is still one of my favourite books.

My two dc in preschool (twins) dont seem that bothered. He's been very ill for about a year so theyve barely seen him. They wont remember him at all, which hurts. One has talked about dying a lot though and Im dreading seeing my inlaws because he keeps asking if they are going to die too. He's also suddenly starting having accidents both overnight and several times a day at nursery.

My parents were divorced but I am hoping to keep a relationship with my stepmother. My boys adore her & she made my dad so happy.

So sorry to all new posters. Things have been very up and down here so hardly been posting. My dh,s op is now scheduled for 30th , let's hope it all goes ahead. It has been a very strange few weeks , but although I don't post much st the moment, I can see you all have great support from each other. 💐

Good to hear from you mummylin fingers crossed DH op goes ahead on 30th.
My dad had surgery cancelled 3 times last year. It's so horrible having to wait around on tenterhooks for it then to be cancelled.My thoughts are with you.

I went to get a coat hanger from mums wardrobe for her today and was shocked to see all my dad's shirts hanging up I knew she hadn't got rid of anything, but seeing his favourite shirts hanging there took me by surprise. I didn't mention it to mum. I guess she just can't face moving them.

It is very upsetting having to sort through all the clothes. I could not do it when my mum died and luckily my aunt did it for me. There were outfits I had bought for her for birthdays etc and it was just too awful for me. And was just as bad sorting out everything else , but I have to admit I still have loads here packed in big plastic containers , things I could not bear to throw away. I will sort it all out one day.
Tomorrow is my mums birthday, I will go to the crem and take her some flowers. She always loved her birthday and mothers day, she would sit at home like the queen waiting for all of us to visit her !

mummylin ⚘

Mummylin are you the founder of this lovely thread?

Thank you

Yes I am, but lately I don't seem to of had much time because of illness , either with me or my dh ! But I can see that everyone is supportive and welcomes new posters. That is so important. I would hate anyone to feel alone and upset. You are all very compassionate people. 💐

It’s a great help to me. Thank you, hope your luck turns soon

My mum died this week. The funeral was yesterday and I seem to be really calm, have hardly cried (compared to when she was diagnosed) I wonder will this continue or am I going to collapse at some point? I thought I'd be crying all the time but I'm not.

I'm sure the tears will eventually come, it maybe something like your mums favourite music plays somewhere or you get a glimpse of someone that just for an instant you think is your mum, then it will probably hit you.
But we are all different and it could be that you are still in some state of disbelief or shock. It is a horrible time. I am sorry for your very sad loss. 💐

Thank you. I have cried but I seem almost cheerful when I'm not - a bit manic really. So I think that might be disbelief. Maybe relief too that the bad news has come so I'm not waiting for it all the time.
Sorry for everyone's losses on here.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve and you can deal with it in any way that you feel is right. It does tend to sometimes creep up on you when you least expect it.
If your way is right for you, that is all that matters, whatever helps you through each day is the main thing.

I am so sorry more people have had to join this thread, so sorry for your losses

It is now nearly 7 months since my DF died. Still really can't believe it has happened. I am going through a phase of wishing I had said more things to him, I am finding it quite hard at the moment.

My DB is not on the scene so I am practically an only child. I live 2 hours away from DM so can't be there all the time for her, especially juggling work, DC etc. Luckily DH has been a great support. DM seems to be coping very well but as she in her 80s we are in the process of moving her to the town where we live. I feel slightly guilty that I am taking her away from the support network that has built up, especially since DF died, but feel that as she is getting older we need to be closer.

We now have the stress that moving house involves. Also it means we have to sort out DF's belongings as won't be room for them in DM's new flat. I am dreading this. Feels as if we are leaving DF behind DH keeps telling me how lovely it will be to have DM so close, but I keep thinking there is a dad shaped hole.

ineed it's 7 months for us too. I'm finding the sunny weather hard as I would always find dad in his garden getting excited about the new plants blooming etc. mum is trying hard to keep the garden nice but its too much for her really.
It feels strange seeing all dads tools and gadgets in his shed. Like you say, there's a big dad shaped hole and it physically hurts!
It will be very hard for you to empty your parents house, I feel for you. Could you keep a couple of dads things for yourself?
I'm sure your dads spirit will follow you to the new house⚘♥️

MyGuide I will be keeping some of his tools from his shed although won't know what to do with them as I didn't inherit his DIY genes!