My beautiful son - part 2

[minmooch]

My last thread is full so here goes another one.

This is a place where I write about my son - Will - who died aged 18 after enduring the horrors of brain cancer. He was kind, gentle, funny, quirky, intelligent, an inspiration. He endured for two years and 3 months of treatment with dignity, humour, positivity and strength.

Thank you for all your lovely words and for thinking of me/Will over his anniversary.

I survived the huge wave that hit, thought it would swamp me but I came out spluttering - thank you for those words Serendipity.

So here we go into the third year without you my darling boy. I'll try to swim in the sea and not be quite so swamped. No promises though.

I love you. I miss you. Every day. Every minute.

minmooch
Your words resonate with me so much.
My surviving children try to hide their grief from me. DS2 has had a complete breakdown and we are only just turning the corner.
It is so hard.
I hope you and Alex can move forward together.
My boys were so close, they were always a team. DS2 is still floundering and lost without his big brother.
It is so hard to provide the support when we are so broken ourselves.

@endofthelinefinally it's so very hard trying to walk this path of grief, looking after ourselves and trying to look after our other children. I think others have no idea how the far reaching the effects of child bereavement.

I'm so sorry that you too are walking this path. Xx

Darling boy. You should be 25 today. Your 7th birthday without you.

I went for a walk with your brother and visited your grave. We cried together, probably for the first time together in a very long time.

We all miss you xx

My darling boy - it's coming up to that time of year that we mark your anniversary. Another 17 days to go but this is the hardest part of the year. Each day I remember another 'last time' you did something.

Nearly 7 years since you left us.

With every beat of my heart, with every breath I take I miss you, I love you, I remember you xxxxx

Thinking is you and Alex

Thank you @NoProblem123

My darling boy. The worst of days. 7 years ago this was your last night on earth with us. A terrible night. So terrible.

My darling boy. Such suffering. Such bravery. Such unfairness.

Tomorrow I will remember your pain, your light and love, your humour, your strength, your death. I will be with your brother and we will remember.

Miss you, love you with every breath I take and with every beat of my broken heart. Xxx

Thinking of your brave Will. Your wonderful boy. Sending so much love dearest Min. XXX

Now another Mother's Day has passed. I find it very hard and I am sure we all do. We have to pick ourselves up, after the birthdays, the anniversaries, the weddings and new babies of the friends of our lost children. It never gets any easier.

Thinking of you minmooch and sending love.

My darling boy. 10 years ago today your hell began. I took you to A&E knowing something was wrong. Waiting for tests, seeing you deteriorate, then those words "I'm so sorry, we have found a tumour."

The fear and horror.

The start of 2 and and half years of tortuous treatment and your death.

Your bravery, courage, determination and the humour you used to face your fight. I am and will always be humbled by you.

Ten years. How did it all happen?

I miss you with every breath I take and love you with every beat of my broken heart.

Dear minmooch, I haven't been on Mumsnet in years, but today I found myself thinking of Will and of you, so I came here. As always, your posts are full of raw pain and incredible love, and your honesty and grace humble me. Will, Alex, Katie and Anna remain in my heart, as do you. I am so sorry for all the losses you've had to bear and for the horror that accompanied them. Wishing you strength as you face the upcoming anniversaries this year.

Thank you @SerendipityDooDah

My darling boy it's 8 years ago that you left us. After 2 and a half tortuous years of fear, excruciating treatment, hope, dashed hope, moments of extreme beauty, tears, strength, bravery, humour. You went from a normal 15 year old boy one day, the next in hospital fighting for your life. You had an op to remove what they could of the brain tumour just days before your 16th birthday.

You had to learn everything over again. How to talk, sit, stand, swallow. All whilst receiving treatment. You did all that, sat exams at home to get in to 6th form, back to school, sometimes only for an hour, sometimes just to sit with your friends at lunch, sometimes to attend classes. And then the tumour slowly took it all away again - so fucking cruel, intensely painful to watch.

You had some amazing adventures but they were tinged with the fact that you were so ill. cancer, a brain tumour, and it's horrific treatment were cruel. Yet you were so bloody brave, kept your sense of humour throughout, kept positivity in the face of it all. We did all we could to give you the best life that you had left and the best death.

How fucking cruel cancer is. How fucking cruel a brain tumour is. How fucking cruel for just a child.

You showed us all such strength. Such determination. Such beauty. Right to the very end.

Just 18 years old. You had your whole life ahead of you. I am so sorry I couldn't save you, couldn't take your place.

8 years on life is less raw. There is beauty, love, laughter. Your brother is finding his way beautifully and respectfully of the chances you didn't have. I'm still trying to find acceptance, or balance or something. Most of my days are good - surrounded by love but this day, your anniversary is jagged, raw, painful.

I will never forget. I love you with every breath I take and miss you with every beat of my heart.

Sending so much love Min. Been thinking a lot about Will and you all. Will never forget him. X

Dearest Min. I've been thinking of you and your darling Will today. Sending so much love. xxx

Dearest Min

I think of you and Will so often. I can feel your love and pride for Will in every word you write.

I send my love to you x

I think of you and your Will very often. He is remembered.

It's been another year. 9 long years now my darling boy. Your anniversary today has been harder than others. Not sure why. Maybe it's the longevity of it. You're never coming back. I miss you, oh god how I miss you.

Your grandpa died in September. So that's it - I have no parents and no you.

I struggle to support your brother - he's just beginning to face his grief which he needs to do but it's painful too. Painful to go over everything, painful to see the impact on your brother.

I'm out of energy. Another year of work and then I'm taking time off from work. I need time to do some nice things. Try and find a balance.

Not that there isn't joy and love and laughter. There is. I just wish you were here with us.

I love you with every beat of my heart and miss you with every breath I take.

Sending love minmooch, my darling boy passed away June 2020, 22 years old, he had an undiagnosed AVM in his brain that ruptured. He donated his organs, I know he gave life to four men. I know how you feel, people say it gets easier, it really doesn't get easier, it gets harder each year remembering, sending love xo

Sending you love and support minmooch. It is so, so hard. Just holding back the tears on a daily basis is exhausting.

Oh gosh min
I have just found this thread and I see it's your bday tmw. I am sending you love and strength and light across the internet

Oh,@minmooch Your writing is beautiful, and you evoke Will brilliantly. I am so sorry for what you, Alex and most of all Will went through. I lost my own beloved, brilliant, very kind baby brother in a freak accident last year. Yes there are moments of joy and there is plenty of love but no, people who haven’t experienced it really don’t get that a light has been extinguished. Ordinary happiness is pretty much a meaningless concept, isn’t it? It’s a good thing that people we love need us.

My darling boy - it's been a while since I posted on here. Tomorrow it will be 11 years since you left us. How can it be? The days are aligned this year again and it feels .... weird? Not sure there are words that describe how I'm feeling.

You faced the end of your life as you faced your diagnosis of cancer- with bravery, grace, humour and hope. Even the day before you died you said to me 'Mum, I will go to university.' Even though you were in a hospice and knew what that meant. You fought to stay with us and oh how I wish you could have. I wish so many things, that you were still here, that you hadn't suffered so in the years during treatment, that you had had the chance to grow up, fall in love, dance, sing, have a job, even have a beer in the pub. Even though you were 18 the normal things that 18 year old do you didn't get to do.

My darling darling boy. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think of you. I wish I could just pick up
The phone and hear your voice, hear a silly joke that you would tell me, get a text from you.

Your brother and I will spend the day together. We are going to drive to the coast and walk along the beach. He misses you so much and struggles. I wish I could make his life easier.

You are loved and missed with every breath I take and with every beat of my heart. I hope when my time comes I will see you again.

Hi, OP -

what a beautiful tribute to Will. I hope you and his brother have a meaningful day.