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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Lemon's Mum

999 replies

lemonzest123 · 14/09/2016 11:37

Hi MNers,

Thanks for tipping me off about the message limit on my other thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2725008-Would-any-MNers-be-able-to-help-tonight?pg=1&order=

I am stunned and unbelievably humbled to see that one little post I wrote sparked 1000 messages, and Im so appreciative of all you personal stories and jokes to cheer me up.

MN is offically amazing and you're all fantastic.

DM had a rough night, she apparently woke in the night with a bad headache which I think confirmed the disease has moved into her head (we expected this, apparently what's causing the paralysis often appears in the brain too). Still no appetite and sleeping all the time.

Sad

Hope everyone had a good night. I had yet more nightmares - theyre all about Mum and they all horrible. Shouty I is in fine voice this morning. Dad said he heard Shouty I bellowing to Shouty II to shut up the other day. Pot, meet kettle Hmm

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 19/09/2016 19:59

Oh sweetheart Thanks

Wish you weren't all going through this. Sounds like you're all running on empty

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 19/09/2016 21:53

Just automatically reached for phone to tell DM I was back safely.

The most astonishing part of this is the crashing realisation that one of the only people in the world that is guaranteed by genetics to love you, listen to you, be interested in you and give you advice and guidance is about to disappear. Its sad that we appreciate so late that your Mum's nosiness, irritability and temper all cone from the fact they're dotty about you as their child.

And all the bits that are her will rush away and she'll stop being.

Is too massive for my brain.

OP posts:
Allatseainthemidlands · 19/09/2016 22:40

Oh lemon you sound so, so sad tonight. It's so miserable and hard to deal with- impossible in some ways.
But your lovely mum won't 'stop being' - she will stay in your heart and mind and memory- in the phrases you use and the smells that remind you of her and the pictures you keep. Whether you believe in another life we can't see or not, you can believe that love survives death- the love she has woven into your life won't go away. It will be a thread you can always identify and name. This is so awful and so heartbreaking. But your mum will always be your mum. Try to sleep sweetheart FlowersFlowersFlowers

boo2410 · 20/09/2016 01:44

Hi Lemon, so sorry to hear about your DDad and DMum and the soup. It must be so very difficult for your DDad to see her like this. He's doing his very best to help and your DMum sadly doesn't realise this anymore, it must be so heart breaking for both you and DDad, as it would be for her if only she knew.

I really can't pretend to know how it feels for you as when my darling Aunt passed away it was from cancer, and although she was heavily on morphine at the end and barely with it she did nod and smile sometimes when I spoke to her and went peacefully with me holding her hand. Just laying here thinking about the difference between your DMum and her makes me feel so sad for you.

Anyway I hope you are asleep now and your DMum is having a peaceful night. Please try and stay strong, you are doing a marvellous job and my heart goes out to you. We are all rooting for you and will be here for you whenever you need us. Sending you ((((( ))))) and Chocolate not that you'll be feeling like it. Take care.

Coldhandscoldheart · 20/09/2016 04:28

Lemn sorry I've missed a couple of days. Here now to offer a handhold for the darkest hours.

Marcipex · 20/09/2016 07:29

Hi Lemon
Another morning wave. [tea] Biscuit I can't find bacon and eggs on the smiley list below. Or even a croissant. Not good enough really.

I hope you're okay there. I have to get ready for work, but I'll look in later.

Allatseainthemidlands · 20/09/2016 08:32

Just a quick good morning. Hoping that you have had a quiet night. Wishing you courage for the day

Fanlightfanny · 20/09/2016 08:55

Hi Lemon, hope you and your mum had a peaceful night? Stay strong.

TheBouquets · 20/09/2016 13:36

Hi Lemon
Popped in to see how you are today. Will be back later to see if you are ok (ish)

boo2410 · 20/09/2016 14:01

Afternoon Lemon, just dropping in to see how it's going today. Hope DM is peaceful and that you are bearing up. Be back later. Flowers Flowers

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 20/09/2016 17:24

Hi lovelies,

Not going well. She choked again, DBro is bit sure what on though as she wasn't eating at the time, he thinks it may have been vomit.

Terrified of trying to feed her now. Sad

Am sleeping here tonight.

OP posts:
VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice · 20/09/2016 17:32

Oh dear - it might be time to prepare yourself..... even so, you should still have a few days. I'm trying to think back to when my step-father passed away ..... FlowersFlowersWineChocolateChocolateChocolateChocolate

TommyandGina · 20/09/2016 17:36

Wise words from you last night Lemon, sometimes my mum drives me crazy with her nosiness, I'll try not to get too cross with her.

I've been following your posts but haven't posted before. You and your dear mum are in my thoughts, sending you strength and peace for the days ahead.

VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice · 20/09/2016 17:51

I'm so sorry Sad

Talk to her about the funny and the good times. And I'm not woo or spiritual or anything, but there have been times in the last 12 years when I have really felt him being around. Like today - I was so happy at lunchtime (doesn't happen too often so I appreciate it when it does) and I had a feeling DSF was looking down so I said "Get me, look at me now!" & I gave him a wave. It sounds stupid, but keep talking aloud to your mum and never stop. Sometimes in difficult times I say "Come on Dad, what would YOU do?" & sometimes the answer is there in my head.

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 20/09/2016 17:52

vanilla how do you prepare yourself? I've been trying for over a year and I'm still not ready Sad

OP posts:
Florathefern · 20/09/2016 18:03

I talk too, not all the time and sometimes not for weeks and it is usually when I am outside for some reason.

Today I saw blackberries and the realisation that another season has begun which means another one is coming to an end. i gave one of my children her name. Every time I feel like I'm going to lose my patience, I say her name and see her namesake.

We want the time to stop. We want others to recognise the magnitude of the seemingly unimportant little memories. As long as we remember them ourselves, our loved ones live as long as we do. Xx

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 20/09/2016 18:05

I'm panicking about being here alone all night. Trying to figure out if its massively unreasonable to ask DP to sneak up here for a few hours to keep me company. 45 min drive and DF still hasn't given any indication if he'd minds DP visiting, but she'll be fast asleep....hmmm....

OP posts:
boo2410 · 20/09/2016 18:39

Ask him, he won't mind and you really need the support now. Please try and stay strong and do, do, do phone DP. Your DMum is asleep and may stay asleep all night (if she wakes up get him to hide!!) I really feel for you Lemon and am sending you good vibes to try and help you get through the night. I'll drop by later to see how you are. Make sure you try to eat something nice even if you don't feel like it (get DP to bring something) as you'll need something to keep you going. Flowers FlowersFlowers

Marcipex · 20/09/2016 19:21

If you need your DP, call him, Lemon. It's too hard on your own. Do whatever you can, to look after yourself as well. Sending hugs.

GinIsIn · 20/09/2016 19:28

Oh lemon! You should call your DP. I'm sorry to say that you can't ever be ready. My dad's been gone nearly 2 years now, and I'm still not ready!

Just take the night as it comes and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Don't do it alone - if you need your DP with you you should have him there. Xxx

Fanlightfanny · 20/09/2016 19:36

Hi Lemon yes call your dp, I'm sure you'll feel better if he's there with you. I am thinking of you & wishing you all a peaceful night.

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 20/09/2016 20:52

Grrr dammit I dithered too much and now I think he's fallen asleep because he had an early meeting this morning. D'oh!

OP posts:
boo2410 · 20/09/2016 21:58

Oh bugger it Lemon, hope you manage to have a relatively restful night, and your DMum too.

maybethedayafter · 20/09/2016 22:16

Hope you're able to get some rest Lemon.

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 20/09/2016 22:20

I'm breath watching again. Feel so out of control and unprepared for this.

Thanks again everyone, I can't tell you what your support has meant to me.

OP posts: