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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My babies funeral

102 replies

Applemuncher · 09/05/2016 19:17

It was Sam's funeral today - it was unbelievably painful. To bury my perfect boy just seems so unreal and was just so hard, he weighed 4lbs and was born at 33.5 weeks, my husband carried his coffin- it was tiny.

I keep thinking about what ifs all the time- he only lived for one day, it's all just so bloody unfair! I'm a very private person normally but I've literally stripped myself bare in front of close family and friends and I just feel so utterly exhausted.

My body is broken following major blood loss and a c section, my mind is broken from grief, I'm on maternity leave with no baby and the sunny weather is bringing out everyone with a pram!

I can't even console myself that one day I could have another child as I'm 41 with fertility problems and I've now had two major surgeries on my womb- it's all so very very bleak.

OP posts:
SweetieDrops · 09/05/2016 19:20

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little Sam Flowers.

TweeBee · 09/05/2016 19:27

So sorry to hear this Apple. Lots of love x

PresidentCJCregg · 09/05/2016 19:29

I'm so sorry Apple. Sam is a lovely name for your boy Flowers

sphinxster · 09/05/2016 19:31

I'm so sorry. There are no words to describe the grief and pain of your loss. Flowers

Original poster
Applemuncher · 09/05/2016 19:41

Thanks everyone- it all just seems a bit bleak at the moment.

OP posts:
Strokethefurrywall · 09/05/2016 19:54

You poor poor thing - I can't even fathom your loss.

If it is any comfort to you, please know that I am sending much love and keeping you very close in my thoughts at what is without a doubt the most cruel and tragic time Thanks

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 09/05/2016 19:54

Oh Apple, I am so sorry to hear about Sam. I wish I could utter some words to take away even just a small part of your pain but I can't. I am so, so sorry for your loss Flowers.

Original poster
Applemuncher · 09/05/2016 20:19

Me too- he was just so beautiful, perfect in every way. I can't believe it's real and he's really gone - I keep having these horrible surges of adrenaline and feel like I just need to run but I can't even do that.

OP posts:
Greydog · 09/05/2016 20:24

I am so very, very sorry for you x

KittyandTeal · 09/05/2016 20:26

Apple my heart breaks for you.

We lost dd2 at 22 weeks and ds at 14. Neither of them lived outside my body. Their services where so, so hard. Life is bleak right now.

There are no words. I am thinking of you and Sam.

When you feel stronger please consider contacting sands. They have been so good for us.

Haudyerwheesht · 09/05/2016 20:33

I'm so sorry to hear about Sam

Flowers
Mishaps · 09/05/2016 20:34

A sad time for you all. How very hard for you. Thinking of you. Flowers

Jubaloo442 · 09/05/2016 20:36

I'm so terribly sorry. A close family member lost a child at 33 weeks too. It hit us all so hard, and I can honestly say that it was the worst period of many of our lives.

I know that for my sister and her partner SANDS were invaluable. Please get in touch with them, they have lots of practical information about how to make memories of your angel baby, together with emotional support and counselling.

Massive hugs. Please look after yourself xx

Original poster
Applemuncher · 09/05/2016 20:38

Thanks, everyone's support means a lot. Kittyandteal - I'm on the Sands Forum but the posters on there don't seem very active. I'm sorry to hear that you lost two children - it's just all so very very sad.

OP posts:
KittyandTeal · 09/05/2016 20:39

I know you're physically in no place right now but I did start running after we lost dd2 to deal with those adrenaline surges. Its worked brilliantly for me.

I also started adult colouring. Sounds weird but it means I'm doing something calming and my brain can process in the background.

OreoHeaven · 09/05/2016 20:51

I shall light a candle for your sweet Sam tonight. Take each moment at a time.

crayfish · 09/05/2016 21:58

I'm so so sorry for your loss Flowers

WontLetThoseRobotsDefeatMe · 09/05/2016 22:01

Thinking of you Apple, and of your gorgeous baby Sam.

purplepandas · 09/05/2016 22:03

Thinking of youand Sam. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful boy. Life does eventually become more manageable although I know that is probably very hard to believe right now. I too found Sands useful. Much love.

Alb1 · 09/05/2016 22:06

So sorry for your loss, I lost my little girl (stillborn) 8 days ago at 35 weeks so I understand some of what your going through, although we havnt had the funeral yet. I have no helpful words just sorry to see someone else going through something so similar to myself Flowers

villainousbroodmare · 09/05/2016 22:07

I am praying for peace for you. It must be so hard. Flowers

31weeksgone · 09/05/2016 22:08

So sorry for your loss, and every other poster who's lost a child or children. Flowers

MadisonAvenue · 09/05/2016 22:11

So sorry to hear about Sam Flowers

Alb 1 sorry to hear about your baby girl too Flowers

HumphreyCobblers · 09/05/2016 22:13

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so unfair that you should have to lose your little baby.

QOD · 09/05/2016 22:16

I'm so sorry Flowers