My babies funeral

[Applemuncher]

It was Sam's funeral today - it was unbelievably painful. To bury my perfect boy just seems so unreal and was just so hard, he weighed 4lbs and was born at 33.5 weeks, my husband carried his coffin- it was tiny.

I keep thinking about what ifs all the time- he only lived for one day, it's all just so bloody unfair! I'm a very private person normally but I've literally stripped myself bare in front of close family and friends and I just feel so utterly exhausted.

My body is broken following major blood loss and a c section, my mind is broken from grief, I'm on maternity leave with no baby and the sunny weather is bringing out everyone with a pram!

I can't even console myself that one day I could have another child as I'm 41 with fertility problems and I've now had two major surgeries on my womb- it's all so very very bleak.

Hi Apple,

My name is Anna, and I lost my son during birth at 40 weeks in 2014 and I lost my daughter a little over two weeks ago. She was born on the 17th of May via c section at 37,5 weeks and she died one week later in my arms in the NICU. I have experienced so much of the things that you describe, both with my son and daughter. I also have a daughter at home, she's 4 and she's the only reason I'm still getting out of bed in the mornings. When she's in school so far all I've done is cry and sleep. I've lost all my baby weight already because I can't eat a lot. All I think about is how beautiful my two babies were. For what it's worth, your feelings and mine are normal or at least that's what my doctors are telling me.

Xa

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your baby Sam, Applemuncher
That is so, so sad. He was unique and irreplaceable