Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

I cant believe that it has been a month since my beloved mum died. My baby started crawling this week and I called her to tell her, then remembered that I couldn't. It is just so unfair. I just cant believe that I will never see her again and the fact that my youngest child will have no memories of her is killing me.

Potentialmadcatlady - I want to sympathise, I too have a garage full of stuff, and it is getting harder to deal with everything with my mum not wanting to get rid of anything.

50 Degrees - It is so hard seeing life carry on. I have so many regrets too.

Aunt - it is early days and so difficult not to feel like you can do anything. I hope you have found things over the weekend to keep you busy possibly?

I need to find someone to do my dad's tax return I decided this week. I can't face doing it myself. I have no idea how to go about finding someone. Yet another thing to be thinking about. I wish I could hide in a corner for a bit.

willitbe thank you yes I have had an ok weekend. It will sound callus and cold hearted but I went dancing both nights specifically salsa dancing as that's what I do ... It's my way of keeping sane and what else can you go on a Friday and Saturday night. The weekend has been very strange sort like a limbo dream nothing can be done as everything is closed. Coroner and funeral home on Tuesday so am going into work today for a few hours

It Doesn't seem real yet

So sorry for all of the new posters, it's such a miserable time isn't it. Not posting much at the moment owing to " all those " threads. They are driving me crazy. But I will write more in a couple of days.

50degrees I am the same. My Mum's been gone two and a half months now, and in that time, my baby has rolled over for the first time, sat unaided, and started crawling. Every one of her firsts breaks my heart afresh that I can't share it with my mum. It's too sad.

Hi everyone, I'm new here.

My Dad died today.

He was 87 and had severe Alzheimer's and was in a Home that took great care of him. He hasn't recognised me for over a year now, but that didn't matter. I knew who he was.

Trouble is, my mother and I are estranged and have been for the last 3 years since an argument culminated in her physically attacking me. I've since put up with many abusive phone calls etc and my nerves have suffered terribly, to the point where my knees would buckle when I'd see her name appear on the phone.

She said that she wouldn't let me know when my Dad died so I asked the Home to make sure I was informed by them.
They rang me this morning. I've not yet heard from my mother. I'm undecided as to what to do. Shall I ring her? To ask her to tell me when the funeral will be. That's all I want to know, so that I can attend.

I'm sad that my Dad has gone, yet relieved that he is not suffering anymore, because he WAS suffering.

A sad day...

Happy 70th birthday dad
I love you
X

girlandboy - so sorry to hear your loss. It is so hard when there is a division in the family that affects how each is going to grieve. Have you considered not going to the funeral, but having your own service/ceremony to mark your dad's dying? All I am wondering if is your mum's anger at the loss might be turned on you, and if she has already been abusive with phone calls to you before, would it be best for you to avoid this? But you do have to find a way to say goodbye to your dad somehow. Only you will know really what is right for you, and if going to the funeral is what you need, then you might have to find someone to make contact with your mum.

Badders - birthday memory wishes to your dad.

AuntPet - Hope that the coroners and funeral home were ok, and that you are starting to be able to feel like things are happening, to help you.

I am in neutral at the moment . I have to find someone to do my dad's tax return, it is the one thing I really can't face doing. But I am not in the same country, so it is going to be difficult finding an accountant.

Well a week on and eventually things are getting sorted. Coroner has been lovely and all sorted there death registered. We've been waiting to hear from parish priest but he's been on retreat so I spoke to the Deacon today and all set for next week. So that'll be two weeks of hanging around.
I've been in work today and will continue to go in until Tuesday I'll have Wednesday and Thursday off and Friday off to recover and get my head straight.

I know it's gonna hit me later on and I'm hoping to get to the end of term and then crash rather than miss the fun stuff in work for end of term. But each day brings new challenges so we shall see b

Hi everyone, still not posting a lot for now but just wanted to say I am thinking of you all. girlandboy what a difficult situation. But maybe this may hopefully allow you to get closer to each other if that's what you want. For now I imagine you have a lot of conflict going on in your mind, but I'm not sure what to say about that. Maybe by now your mum has rung you ?

hi mummylin!

that is a hard one girlandboy, it might just be something that resolves itself through time, what with everything happening with the arrangements, I hope it goes as well as it can for you and you can talk to your mum again, if you want to...but if you dont want to then thats entirely up to you. Do what feels right for you

Now the fighting threads are lessening I will go back to posting. ! I hope the most recent posters are managing to cope each day. It is a terribly sad time and I think we all live a dreamlike existence for a few weeks. Hope fully most of you have some RL support. Which I found invaluable at the time.
girlandboy I hope that your mum has been in touch now and you can support each other, even if it's just fir the next few weeks.
ssd I will be glad when all this damn footi is over, I am now sick to death of it !! Spect it's the same in your house at the moment .
aunt glad things are getting sorted out and I expect being at work does help to keep your mind focused on something else for now, there is a lot of waiting around isn't there.

The years anniversary of my mothers sudden death was end of may. What would have been her 71st birthday was last week.

I have managed surprisingly well over the last year.. However just now I struggle I read the blog post that is up today about nothing above nothing below. I have children but no my mother wont call. the weird thing is she didnt much when she was alive so its a odd feeling to feel sad she wont./

grief is strange isnt it?

I personally think it's the worst feeling in the world enko utterly heartbreaking. Talking about phones, when I had a new phone,I still put my mums number in it, I know I can never call her or she me, but I just can't take it off. One of my brothers is the same.
You say your mum didn't phone often, but at that time she was here to phone, but now the reality is now she never can . I think it's the finality of things that are upsetting. I expect there are lots of things that we miss, but the phone for me is a big one. Mum loved to text even at her age of 83 and hated coming round here and realising she had left her phone at home ! So many things for us to miss aren't there ? And these things catch us out when we least expect them to, and then it hurts.

enko, I've read that blog post over and over, I keep coming back to it. I feel exactly the same as the writer, though I do have children. I feel I've been floating in space since mum died as I have nothing to tether me. I need to keep reminding myself I have something below, the not having something above has blown everything away for me. I need to get a grip .

mummylin, yes, the footi is on all the time and its driving me crazy!!

Ssd, where can I read that blog ?

When is this going to get better.. Just a little better so it's bearable/liveable.. Just a little easier so the dark thoughts aren't a constant battle...

It takes a while potential it does seem like it will never go away and you will feel like this forever. You won't, although you will always be sad. Eventually your pain will begin to ease a little week by week, although I'm sure this dosent seem possible to you at the moment. Grief is such a powerful emotion.

Thanks Mummylin....lost my brother when I was younger but this is much harder..there's too much going on in my life at min and it's just all getting harder to live with not easier.. I know I have no choice but to hang in there but that just makes it harder and scarier- trapped in this endless cycle of anxiety...keep trying to get out and about but people are difficult to be around- they are insensitive without meaning to be..they except you o be feeling better not worse...

mummylin, it was on the homepage, blog of the day, I think its still there, I dont usually read blogs but that one really touched a nerve with me, actually it was blog of the day on Friday I think

potential, people dont get it, they really dont...unless they;ve been through it x

I understand the loss of a sibling as I lost my sister. I think people do expect you to "get over it " in a short matter of time, when of course we know this isn't the reality.
It is such a massive change in our lives, if I were to think of five years ahead I would ge so upset, because I know each day I will be without my mum. So I tend not to think too far ahead, and sometimes to be honest I don't have the enthusiasm to get excited about anything much these days. My life will never be the same as it will be the same for all of us on this thread.
I think also think that at times like this you will probably feel let down by some people that you thought you could rely on. This is the people who don't get how terrible it is to lose a parent.
There is no quick way to get through grief, but slowly and surely the healing will begin.
Thanks ssd will see if I can find it .

Mummylin..Thankyou ,what you say is so true...I won't try to look ahead,will focus on hour to hour for now..and yes I feel so let down by a lot of people...two weeks after my Mum died a 'friend' asked me if I was "getting back to normal now".. I just looked at her blankly..she was a close friend, she hasn't been in contact for weeks now..just can't cope I guess...I seem to have lost so many "friends"...was the same when my child was born with a serif life limiting illness- it was almost as if being near us was going to infect them too..
I always thought the best of people but the last couple of months has really rocked my faith in human nature.. But on the other hand some people like on here and a few in real life who I barely knew have really stepped up to help me..I need to let them but find it hard

Just popping in to see that everyone is doing ok and somehow coping through this very sad and stressful time, thinking of you all.

My Dad is in hospital..can't do this again so soon...

Sorry, i've not posted recently. Been struggling a lot and have kinda been avoiding mumsnet since im struggling to write down things at the min.

Has anyone ended up with really bad anxiety after losing a parent? I've been to the drs and been prescribed some ADs which are helping but just feel so overwhelmed. Everyone says it's normal and to take it easy then in the next breath give me a huge to do list. It's like i've coped so well people have forgotten.