DH committed suicide on Saturday, rang Samaritans, not helped.

[RubbishMantra]

Anyone there? I 'm a bit done in. We'd been married less than 2 years. I got him a dollar bill folded into an origami carp for our 1st anniversary. He hanged himself. We didn't have DCs, but we have 2 beautiful cats. Sister flying in tomorrow. I don't know how he could leave me and our 2 little lads (cats)

Ooh, The Bungalow. They've recently intimated to one of my siblings that one day it could all be her's... as long as she's nice to them. She's invested in some Tena Lady incontinence pants, to stem the abounding joy and excitement.

...as long as she's nice to them...

I can just imagine her unbounded excitement at that prospect.

Actually, 'tis a pity you're not a Scot, Mantra. Scotland has some wonderfully strict rules on inheritance by children and it would be rather fun to think of the TSPs squirming over those.

You're right Cory. They could never be each others' delicious, happy pies. Which makes me feel a bit sad for them. I bet they never played the "could you eat that person in order to survive" game. (I doubt many people play that game to be fair.) See, I've lost my beautiful little hubby and best mate all in one swipe.

I promise you, beautiful sleek MCat won't be put on a diet. It'll work itself out, it always does. He's been extra loving and motherly towards LM, giving him lots of stern ears and face washes.

I have a sense that he went very quickly, Mantra, and he was surprised at the speed of his passing.

There's nothing whatsoever left of him in the cellar; no unquiet shade or restless spirit, and the cleansing you performed has enabled the walls to release their helplessness. I get the feeling they were waiting for you and its as if they let out a sigh of relief as they absorbed the smoke of the sage - the crystal angel will aid their regeneration.

What this site calls 'woo' is an accumulation of wisdom which has been handed down through, and added to by, generations of women and whatever rituals you perform honours them as well as yourself and your DLH.

I'm so pleased you bought the vit D spray - tastes good, doesn't it? The sweet chestnut won't cure grief but it may help to take the edge off some of the pain.

The counselling you're about to embark on will be of immense value to you, but the time between sessions will be when you gain the most from them.

The Conteau Twins version of Song to the Siren is hauntingly beautiful but on balance I prefer the original
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMTEtDBHGY4&index=1&list=RDvMTEtDBHGY4

Thanks goddess, I find the certainty of your posts comforting.

Feeling a little peculiar tonight. It's very quiet and pitch black outside.

It's dark and quiet here also. I've turned on the heating and put a bad movie on. (Actually, it's rather a good movie but I have to call it a bad one so that the cat doesn't blackball me. )

Cozie, a sort of cheesy good/bad movie I saw recently was Dreamcatcher. Sort of fantasy/sci-fi. Didn't require much concentration, and took me out of myself for an hour or two.

Ah. This one was a Western called Ulzana's Raid. It would certainly take you out of yourself but I'm not sure if you would be up for it, to be honest. (I'm not even sure that I was - I may have to watch something light and fluffy to become less sombre.)

I've just watched This is England 90. Mr C interrupted me for food so many times I am still in England 80. Will have to wikipedia plot while administering Dreamies in a minute.

Sleep well, all.

Ah, I always have to wiki plots after watching stuff. Gutted, I've missed most of This is England 90. I suppose I can catch up on OD or whatever.

The Bestest film I've seen in a long while is Martyrs, by Pascal Laugier. Blinding film, very moving. Doesn't make easy viewing though.

Thinking of you this morning.

Thanks cozie.

I think I'm at the stage where people are thinking "ffs, it's been a couple of months now, you should be over it." How long do these things take?

I don't think there's an expiry date on heartbreak really.

I agree.

I don't think you ever get 'over it', really (and nor would you probably wish to.) You learn to function again so maybe that's what people see on the surface.

(I fully anticipate that by the time a year has gone, the TSPs will be referring to 'that man you used to be married to...remember him?' I'm almost prepared to open a book on it. )

What cozie said.

Thinking of you.

Also thinking of you.

Me too.

There's no expiry date. But equally what I do know is that you can live again as fully and as strongly as you did when you and DH were at your happiest.

Hope you managed some sleep last night.

Thanks you lot.

TOILET SEAT MOTHER!! Grrrrr!!! Hassling me about whether I've put up a memorial stone yet! Yeah, sure tsm, the stonemason managed it in less than a week! Why's it any of her business anyway?

I found a beautiful wooden handmade urn for DLH, made of plum wood, inlaid with slices of mineral where it has naturally formed gaps. It's a beautiful one-off piece of art, which suits him as he was very creative himself. I was beginning to despair, because all the traditional urns were all a bit grim, and I got a bit frustrated and said to DLH, "ffs, well you help me find one then!" Within minutes I found somebody in the Netherlands who makes these amazing pieces out of reclaimed trees and minerals. I'm hoping it will be the right size.

TSM will be horrified to learn her question is fraytefully common - you don't put up a memorial for a year in the best families.

That urn sounds superb by the way.

Keep going with the swearing at all times. I'm with you, I've been disturbingly foul-mouthed for the past 24 hours. Brilliant.

Goodness, woman - why are you still even talking to her? I'd have - at the least - put the phone down on her long before now.

PS - the urn sounds great. Just right for him.

PPS - I may not swear, Cory. The family youngsters get these prune faces if I utter even a mild imprecation. (Puritanical little beasts that they are.) And I'm long trained not to swear on the internet even though MN may be more relaxed about it. I have to kick the sofa instead..

You're superb cozie, perfect manners are a joy for everyone else (but must be really annoying sometimes ).

The worst thing is that I don't know I'm doing it sometimes - only eyebrows shooting up opposite me give the game away. That's not good, believe me. Sod it, off to train some people to communicate.