DH committed suicide on Saturday, rang Samaritans, not helped.

[RubbishMantra]

Anyone there? I 'm a bit done in. We'd been married less than 2 years. I got him a dollar bill folded into an origami carp for our 1st anniversary. He hanged himself. We didn't have DCs, but we have 2 beautiful cats. Sister flying in tomorrow. I don't know how he could leave me and our 2 little lads (cats)

I've taken a step back from DLH's parents for a bit. They weren't particularly kind to him, so I'll just keep myself safe for the time being. But believe me, I'll fucking remind his father of that statement one day, when I'm in a stronger place.

You're right Thumb, DLH and I both had parents with similar emotional intelligence.

I've got a manky old fleece of DLH's on the bed, and MCat keeps lying on it and making kitten noises. And he's not the kitteny noise type. More of a bitey bastard type. That's how DLH and I first got to know each other. He was telling me about his thuggish cat that kept slashing at his bare legs and biting him. Then the first time I met MCat I fell in love with him. He'd never allowed anyone to stroke him before.

He used to present DLH with lots of wildlife though. When DLH and I were first together, and I began staying over with him, I'd have to check my shoes and pockets for the smaller wildlife that MCat had brought in. Wasn't so easy for him to hide a live partridge or rabbit in our shoes though...

...They weren't particularly kind to him...

Hah!

Made a bit of an understatement didn't I, Cozie?

I'm fucking fuming. It shouldn't have been him. He was so gentle and kind, but those voices told him he wasn't.

I just realised, it's been over 3 weeks since either of the parentals bothered to ring me. Even though "he was like a son to them".

He used to present DLH with lots of wildlife though. When DLH and I were first together, and I began staying over with him, I'd have to check my shoes and pockets for the smaller wildlife that MCat had brought in. Wasn't so easy for him to hide a live partridge or rabbit in our shoes though

You are not doing a great job of selling cats to us non cat people , y'know < your name changing friend here > . I'm just about getting over the fish lice ....

...but those voices told him he wasn't...

On that one, I'd disagree. The illness may have thought it wasn't - not him. He was gentle and kind as ever he was.

I have some prawns defrosting, will try to keep thoughts of fish-lice and leeches far away. Oh no, too late, where's the brain bleach? But believe me, cats are exceptional little beings. Dogs will kill and eat a pheasant within a millisecond. Your cat will thoughtfully gift you the body of a rodent, lice still streaming away from the still warm body.

I have found the support from here Fucking Awesome. So fucking thank you.

...it's been over 3 weeks since either of the parentals bothered to ring me...

Given what you've said about them, that's possibly no bad thing. I think, myself, that I'd be hard put to maintain a conversation with them if they did ring.

I agree that lack of contact is a blessing. But it's hard to step away from all those normative thoughts we have, that they SHOULD ring, that they OUGHT to care... even though they are too shit to be bothered. Especially when you are already hurting so much, it's an additional burden to bear.

I can't even find words bad enough for your DLH's parents. I think that a word used by a PP - 'unnatural' - is a good start, though. There is something completely wrong with the world when people can say and behave in that way, and think those things, and not be struck down by some kind of divine and righteous thunderbolt!!

MCat sounds awesome. I've never had a cat who was a hunter, so have 'missed out' on all these gifts. My surviving moggie - Grewellypoo - is a big, fat old black thing. Sometimes he gets excited when he sees birds in the apple tree, and he goes bounding down the garden and starts to run up the trunk. But he can only shin up about a foot before gravity takes over, and he literally slips down leaving claw marks on the trunk. It is VERY funny. My other cat, the one who died, was light and agile and he used to run up the tree and then sit complacently in the branches teasing Grewellypoo. He quite clearly was doing a cat version of 'Who ate all the pies'. He still never caught anything, though.

Holly - your description of Grewellypoo just made me think of this trailer - the cat, obviously

Unfortunately, cats' murderous tendencies is why DH won't have one. :(
He prefers birds, and cats and birds don't mix very well. Both DSs would love a cat, but we also live too close to a railway line and a very main road, so I'd be loath to have a cat here anyway. One day though...

...But it's hard to step away from all those normative thoughts we have, that they SHOULD ring, that they OUGHT to care... even though they are too shit to be bothered...

That's true. It's a hard lesson to learn and you have to keep re-learning it, it seems. Keep on saying to yourself 'Surely this time!' - but the answer is the same. Very difficult.

I just got an email from the female parental, asking me to forward DLH's death certificate to their solicitor. (I'm in charge of selling a property abroad for them.) Then a big fucking long whine about the male parental bruising his hip. He had a "massive crash" on it apparently. He fell off a fucking pavement, ffs. Hip's not broken, it's bruised. Which is making her life "very difficult". [sarcastic sad face]

DLH and I managed to pack more love into our short time together then i ever saw between them, After mother had the affair, and I suppose they were making a go of being a "happy couple", I was very confused to see them holding hands out on a walk one day. I'd never seen them show affection to each other. Definitely not best mates. DLH and I would just hold hands with other without even realising. And neither of us are demonstratively affectionate people by nature.

I used to love kissing that bit on the nape of his neck, you know, where it goes all downy. I'm tall myself, but I'd need to stand on tiptoes to reach it, when he was doing the washing up. He had such soft skin, velvety like. And really skinny feet. I bought him a pair of Converse once, and he appeared to be wearing clown shoes, even though he wore a size 9.

And thank you for the cheering cat stories. Back in the day MCat murdered 4 stoats over a couple of days and presented them all to DLH. We have 2 of them stuffed and mounted, and MCat still looks at them proudly, and has the occasional nibble at them. Thankfully he now thinks murdering is a bit "last season."

Grewellypoo - what an awesome name! How did you find a name like that?

I am so sorry to hear this. I wish I could give you a huge long hug.

I am so sorry to hear this. I wish I could give you a huge long hug.

Well I gues that that's 'sort of' toileting.

I'm hard pushed, though, to know why they need a copy of DLH's death certificate when you're the one who is handling the sale. (Don't say if it's deep personal finances etc.) Can't they have their solicitor deal with it for them as well? It's possible you might welcome the distraction, I suppose, but selling houses can be quite stressful even in this country.

Sorry to be blunt Cozie, but it just gives them the opportunity to be complete and utter cocks again, and twist the knife a bit further.

I used to think something wrong with me, when I realised I wouldn't feel much if they died, and thought I must be very cold and unfeeling. Fuck me, that was proved wrong. When I got the news about DLH I fucking howled. I was in complete denial at first. I told the police officers to fuck off at first, because I did not want to hear their ridiculous lies.

Thank you for the virtual hug makeup. Well needed.

Eurffgh, gah and pfff at your very unDP, M.

No, it's fine not to be that upset when someone who you can't love much dies. My DM was bloody relieved when her mum went.

I would be so tempted to reply to them saying that you'll contact their solicitor to find out what's needed. If they have some sot of jiggery pokery going on with regard to the sale proceeds then I would expect them to squirm most royally!

You should not be being asked to do this at this point. (Well any point to be honest.)

Unfortunately, that might mean you jeopardising your share of the bungalow and I'm sure that would devastate you!

I agree with Cozie as always M. Say you'll deal direct with the lawyer. Easier, faster, less extremely painful.

Yep, they're ghastly.

I'd like to know how your tsps would react if you told them to fuck off and stop sending you ridiculous requests for DLH's death certificate when he's sat beside you - which, of course, he is.

If they want a copy of any entry in the registers of births/marriages/deaths, they can apply to the General Register Office and pay the relevant fee.

Twats!!!

mantra - you'd do well to be completely shot of the unfeeling bitch.

Do you have direct contact with the solicitors? Because if you do, phone them and ask what possible relevance your DLH's death cert could have and do they really need a certified copy of it, because you'll have to go and get another one from the Council and frankly you could do without it... (might not be true but tell 'em that anyway)

I really wouldn't send a copy to your parentals. Or to the sol unless necessary, tbh.

Bitch bitch bitch, I cannot believe how unfeeling she is. (Repetitive).

((((hugs))))

Oh, I'm feeling very dark tonight Thumb. I have no direct contact with the solicitor. I think she's just being a cunt. She's resentful that suddenly it's not all about her. Couldn't even be arsed to come to DLH's funeral, then wanted me to send flowers on her behalf. She hasn't wanted to know any funny, sweet stories about him as a child or anything. But "He was like a son". Didn't even ask for an order of service from DLH's service. Fucking arsehole.

Hullo mantra, I have not posted on your thread before and might go again quickly as I do not like to get tied in to stuff, but want to say this: it is pointless trying to get any feeling from a solicitor. Use the solicitor for legal stuff. Use being the operative word. I am so sorry for what you have been through and are going through.

Oh no, Cheezy, didn't mean solicitor was being a cunt, only ever met her once!

Tis my mother being a cunt self absorbed. It was my mother who couldn't be arsed to attend, and requested I send flowers to my husband's funeral on her behalf!