Got a text off a "friend". She told me I was part of the reason for him killing himself. She hadn't seen either of us for a long while. Once, when we were a bit drunk, she confided to me she had feelings for him, and that she'd asked him to shag her, and he declined. Hubby and I were tentatively dating at the time. She told me this, not him. He's too much of a gentle man (not gentleman) and too congruent to talk about anyone behind their backs. The text was vitriolic.
She was unable to attend the church service, because she found it "too upsetting" and my sis was surprised the only time she came to see me was a few days before DH's funeral. But she found the energy to dye her hair black, painted her nails black for when she appeared at the crematorium. She's even getting a tattoo "in remembrance".
I hope to fuck I didn't contribute to him killing himself. With the training I have, I should have got him into hospital, but I promised him he'd never be hospitalised against his will, that it would be a joint decision if it had to happen. I told him my concerns the day before he died, and would he consider a stay in hospital. No, that'll make me worse he said. The MH team spoke to both him and I. They told me taht "these things usually work themselves out." I told them he'd told me he was having a "breakdown" (his words) and they said: "Oh, these things usually work themselves out.
I'm sorry about long rambly post, in a strange place.