Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My husband died today

87 replies

nightcapers · 10/05/2015 02:14

I am a very long-term lurker of mumsnet and am writing because I need to tell someone. My husband aged 55 died today.I found him in bed when I got up late as I expected to be working tonight.I knew right away something was wrong as nothing had been moved and he always did little things to help me.He was in remission from cancer but otherwise well though he suffered a lot of pain in his legs and feet.I don't know the actual cause of death yet.We had so many plans for the future and four children and grandchildren.I can't believe it. I wish I hadn't pushed him so much to do stuff I was too hard on him not wanting him to give up and become old before his time.How stupid was I.How foolish and stupid not to get into bed with him and cuddle him and tell him I loved him

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBags · 10/05/2015 02:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

liger · 10/05/2015 02:19

Oh nightcapers. I'm so very sorry. Please be kind to yourself x

Original poster
nightcapers · 10/05/2015 02:19

I'm on my own now my daughters were here but I didn't want anyone to stay thank you for replying

OP posts:
JoanHickson · 10/05/2015 02:21

Your daughters sound supportive. I am sorry to hear of your loss.

Original poster
nightcapers · 10/05/2015 02:21

Thank you I;ve only ever posted before once under a different name I love reading your stories and have laughed and cried with you through many a long night,crazy that it took this to make me post again just feeling so dazed

OP posts:
liger · 10/05/2015 02:22

I hope you are given some answers soon. It must be very hard not knowing what happened.

BillyJoel · 10/05/2015 02:23

I am so sorry. You must be in shock, and have time to think now everyone has gone home. Your husband was probably glad to have you encouraging him to keep young.

Wishing you strength.

TooTiredToBeCreative · 10/05/2015 02:24

So sorry nightcapers x

senrensareta · 10/05/2015 02:24

I'm so sorry nightcapers. You should not regret things but focus on all the good times you had together. My DH and I are similar age and I know that despite any niggles we have had great times bringing up our family and I'm sure you are the same as you have mentioned your daughters. Remember him with love and positivity, you loved each other and I am sorry for your loss

Strokethefurrywall · 10/05/2015 02:25

I'm so very sorry - what an awful shock for you.
I'm 5 hours behind so if you need to talk I'm here Thanks

lordStrange · 10/05/2015 02:25

Flowers I'm very sorry. Wishing you strength and peace.

MyFriendsCallMeOh · 10/05/2015 02:26

So sorry for your loss. He knew he was loved, that was the most important thing. Wishing you comfort and strength x

Original poster
nightcapers · 10/05/2015 02:26

He was breathing very heavily when I checked on him this morning I even thought better get him checked out for sleep apnoea never thought they were his last. He was an amazing husband,Dad and Granddad

OP posts:
Kampeki · 10/05/2015 02:27

I'm so very sorry. 55 is so young. :(

BoreOfWhabylon · 10/05/2015 02:27

What a dreadful, dreadful shock for you nightcapers. I'm so very sorry. Please don't reproach yourself, I'm sure you're neither foolish nor stupid. Flowers

Original poster
nightcapers · 10/05/2015 02:32

Thank you so much you are so kind I hope he knew he was loved I wish I had told him more often I think I could have been a better wife the last few months I have been fed up with work and stupid things and he was always the person who got my moans we had been married for 34 years.

OP posts:
WeeWeegieWummin · 10/05/2015 02:33

So very sorry x

Original poster
nightcapers · 10/05/2015 02:36

I suppose we were a bit like Jack and Vera off Coronation Street having our grumbles but we both knew we couldn't live without the other he tried unbelievably hard and I didn't appreciate it enough

OP posts:
Original poster
nightcapers · 10/05/2015 02:38

Thank you again everyone you are incredibly kind

OP posts:
HappinessHappening · 10/05/2015 02:45

I am so very sorry for your loss Flowers

What a horrific shock for you, I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through

I am sure though, that he felt loved and appreciated even if everyday life stresses got in the way. When you are with that special person the love and care and thanks don't need to be said out loud all the time, they are there in every moment you have together xxx

BillyJoel · 10/05/2015 02:46

34 years together is amazing. Well done for that. I think your DH knew how deep your relationship was and your underlying love. We all get distracted by life and don't remember to tell each other or even acknowledge each other sometimes.

I hope you are feeling better now, though you have some horrible times to go through. Can you sleep, or is your head still spinning?

senrensareta · 10/05/2015 02:46

Night When you have been married this long you don't have to tell each other you are loved to know it. He spent the best part of his life with you in all senses

Topseyt · 10/05/2015 02:50

I am so sorry to read this, nightcapers. It really must have been a terrible shock for you.

I am sure your husband knew you loved him. Please try to be kind to yourself now too. Are any family or friends able to come and spend time with you, so that you are not on your own?

OneInAMillionYou · 10/05/2015 02:52

Hello Nightcapers, I hope you are getting some sleep? I am wide awake tonight so if you need some company, do message me.
I am really sorry for your loss and the circumstances of your husband passing.
As everyone else has said, 34 years together is a wonderful achievement but the cruel flip side of that is of course you will miss him terribly.

KoalaDownUnder · 10/05/2015 02:55

I'm so very sorry. Flowers How utterly devastating. Please be kind to yourself. I don't know you, but my heart goes out to you.