My husband died today

[nightcapers]

I am a very long-term lurker of mumsnet and am writing because I need to tell someone. My husband aged 55 died today.I found him in bed when I got up late as I expected to be working tonight.I knew right away something was wrong as nothing had been moved and he always did little things to help me.He was in remission from cancer but otherwise well though he suffered a lot of pain in his legs and feet.I don't know the actual cause of death yet.We had so many plans for the future and four children and grandchildren.I can't believe it. I wish I hadn't pushed him so much to do stuff I was too hard on him not wanting him to give up and become old before his time.How stupid was I.How foolish and stupid not to get into bed with him and cuddle him and tell him I loved him

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

I'm so very sorry nightcapers.

[nightcapers]

Thank you again so many lovely people.You have helped get through the night,my daughters will be round today,because it was unexpected it has to go through the coroner's office so nothing can start till Monday.

We never bothered with wedding anniversaries,Valentine's or anything,but this year I wrote a daft poem for him I'm glad I did.I left a note by his bed this morning just to reassure him if he woke up confused as I helped him to bed last night which was unusual,I just thought he was very very tired.

Sometimes though I could be very distant and he gave me so much space to be me,he was one of the very few people I could be myself with.

[Highabove]

I'm very sorry you're having to go through this. My thoughts are with you and your daughters x

[Allgunsblazing]

So sorry nightcapers

[RipMacWinkle]

So sorry to read this and what you're going through. I agree with others, your love for your DH is obvious from your posts. Your life built together with your family shows love and commitment more than flowery declarations everyday. I wish you great strength in the next while ahead. Please lean on your daughters. They'll want to be there for you

[Ohfourfoxache]

He sounds like a lovely, wonderful man x

[AuditAngel]

Nightcapers I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My Dad died unexpectedly on January 18th, my mum came to stay that night and is still with us. We'll really miss her when she's ready to go home.

Please don't feel you can't lean on your daughters. Believe me when I tell you that letting them help you, will help them too.

[gruffaloshmuffalo]

I'm sorry for your loss

[giraffesCantPluckTheirEyebrows]

I'm so very sorry.

[shushpenfold]

NIghtcapers, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I so, so sure that he knew you loved him......you didn't need to say it everyday. You were there with him and sharing life with him for so long. Keep talking to your family and friends and don;t be afraid to cry with them. xx

[SoldierBear]

I am so sorry for your loss.
I am certain your husband knew he was loved. Your love comes over so strongly here.
Deepest condolences.

[MetallicBeige]

I am so sorry, the love coming from your words is almost tangible. You write so beautifully about your husband. Please look after yourself in the coming weeks and months and take any help or support that is offered, people will be at a loss for what to do, let them help where you are happy for them to.

[regularbutpanickingabit]

I am so so sorry. He sounds like a lovely man and the love you have for each other shines through.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

So very sorry, Nightcapers. You had nearly 40 years together and from the sound of it they were good years because you had each other for love and companionship and support through the tough times. He will have known how much you loved him because as everyone else says it shines out from what you're saying here. All those little gestures, all that thoughtfulness, it all adds up.

Wishing you and your family strength to get through this awful time.

[YoureAllABunchOfBastards]

[ChaiseLounger]

I'm so sorry. My Dh is an absolute diamond. Your Dh sounds just like one too. Take comfort in that. They are few and far between.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Your posts are beautiful and your love for your darling husband shine through. How wonderful to have had all those years together, knowing you loved each other and could totally be yourselves with each other.

Take care of yourself and keep talking about him, your love for each other can never be taken away

[Izzy24]

Nightcapers I'm so very very sorry to hear of your loss . Please let your daughters be there for you - you need each other.

I think it's very touching that your ring arrived today.

[catsrus]

I'm so sorry for your loss nightcapers - hold onto those wonderful memories of your life together - and your children and grandchildren who are the most perfect result of the love you had for each other. I do hope you can find some comfort in the fact that, in a very real way, both he and your love for each other will live on in them.

[QOD]

I'm so sorry for your loss, your marriage sounds amazing and I'm sure he knew how you felt.
Take care

[HemlockStarglimmer]

I am sorry for your loss

[lalamumto3]

I am so very sorry to read this, what a terrible shock for you and your family. I hope you can take some comfort to know that he was at home and safe. 55 is way to young.

Thinking of you xxx

[nightcapers]

I am overwhelmed by your beautiful messages they are bringing me so much comfort thank you.
Yes it is a huge blessing that he was at home in his own bed. I had helped him get undressed and we had a little joke,I covered him up and left his water nearby and glasses and watch,also a note in case he woke up confused as never had to get him ready for bed before,the police officer took the note.
I will definitely take on board the advice to lean on my daughters,they are amazing young women.
Thank you again for all your wordsxx

[FrankTurnersGuitar]

Hello Nightcapper.
So very sorry to hear about your dear husbands death. He was so young.
Is much have been a huge shock, you will be in shock for a while.
I'm glad you have some daughters to help you by being there supporting each other, can they or someone else help you with the practical things phone calls letters and forms?
My husband died at home, it was an expected death brain cancer, so no need for a post mortem or inquest.
I see you are awake late it's hard to sleep with so much running through your brain, I had sleeping tablets for a while as I could only sleep for two hours at the most. The good thing with mumsnet is that there is always someone here. You're never alone, just a keyboard away.

[SallyMcgally]

I'm so sorry nightcapers. Thinking of you. Your husband sounds like such a lovely man, and you sound so loving and thoughtful as well.