My husband died today

[nightcapers]

I am a very long-term lurker of mumsnet and am writing because I need to tell someone. My husband aged 55 died today.I found him in bed when I got up late as I expected to be working tonight.I knew right away something was wrong as nothing had been moved and he always did little things to help me.He was in remission from cancer but otherwise well though he suffered a lot of pain in his legs and feet.I don't know the actual cause of death yet.We had so many plans for the future and four children and grandchildren.I can't believe it. I wish I hadn't pushed him so much to do stuff I was too hard on him not wanting him to give up and become old before his time.How stupid was I.How foolish and stupid not to get into bed with him and cuddle him and tell him I loved him

[ukulelelady]

If you want to talk to others who have and are going through what you are check out the chat page on the Merry Widow website. I found it insightful and helpful.
I lost my partner 3 years ago this week and it's weird, you never loose the pain and heart ache but you get used to it. It gets less raw and you will find joy in simple things again. Be kind to yourself. try to sleep and forgive yourself too. Sending virtual hugs from this horrible club we are in but didn't choose to be.xxx

[Weebirdie]

I just wanted to acknowledge your very sad situation and to say 'oh that we could all be loved the way you loved each other'.

Im so sorry for you loss.
xx

[nightcapers]

Hello everyone,just thought I would write a few words to update a little bit and thank you again for your company on those first nights.

My husband's funeral was very sad but also very special,myself and our four daughters each spoke about what he meant to us and how great a Dad,Grandad and husband he was.

It was lovely to hear our girls talk about their own special memories,like the bedtime stories with all the funny voices he would do,and the influence and inspiration he has given them.

At the lunch afterwards we all had a lolly ice for dessert in his memory which raised a smile!

We had the coroner's report and sadly he had a heart condition that had gone undetected,most likely caused or worsened by all the medication to treat the cancer.

With Father's Day coming up closely followed by his birthday it will be hard,one of our daughters had the idea of us each doing a kindness on that day just something like taking a cake into work,sounds cheesy but it helps to have something to focus on.

Love him and miss him beyond words and always will xx

[SallyMcgally]

I'm sure he did know how much you loved him nightcapers. Actions express so much love, and you sound to have looked after him so well xx
Thinking of you too dutchoma

[nightcapers]

Thank you just to know people are there to talk to and who are so lovely and kind is an enormous comfort.
Dutchoma,I'm so sorry you have those feelings of guilt it's a horrible painful feeling. My husband became more affectionate as he got older,I had the deepest of feelings but for some stupid,pointless reason held them back at times.I needed him so much and when he became less able I didn't deal with it as well as I could have.He knew the depths of my heart though I am sure.
I hope you are finding peace Dutchomax

[SallyMcgally]

Thinking of you tonight nightcapers xxx someone's always up on mumsnet if you need to talk.

[Dutchoma]

So sorry Nightcapers. I know about that feeling of guilt. People who know my circumstances would say how ridiculous: after 43 years of marriage and 8 years of utter devotion until he died last year, there is no reason for this guilt, but it is there alright.

[bitbybitbybit]

Im so sorry nightcapers I can only imagine the remorse you feel but you are not to blame youself. He knew you loved him dearly im sure of this! Sending you hugs and more hugs X

[nightcapers]

Thank you so much you are all lovely people I only wish I had 'met' you in better circumstances. So sorry for others who have suffered lossxx

[FairPhyllis]

nightcapers can I just second that it's really lovely to read you writing about your husband - it sounds like a really beautiful, strong, loving relationship of the kind that we'd all like to have. Not something you see on MN every day!

Hope you are not having too bad a night.

[therealsquireofwideacre]

So sorry for your loss nightcapers, what a shock you've had. Your husband was obviously adored, your love shines out in your words about him.

[ProcessYellowC]

nightcapers sorry for your loss
Your writing is beautiful, describing so much love.

[SallyMcgally]

I'm so sorry nightcapers. Thinking of you. Your husband sounds like such a lovely man, and you sound so loving and thoughtful as well.

[FrankTurnersGuitar]

Hello Nightcapper.
So very sorry to hear about your dear husbands death. He was so young.
Is much have been a huge shock, you will be in shock for a while.
I'm glad you have some daughters to help you by being there supporting each other, can they or someone else help you with the practical things phone calls letters and forms?
My husband died at home, it was an expected death brain cancer, so no need for a post mortem or inquest.
I see you are awake late it's hard to sleep with so much running through your brain, I had sleeping tablets for a while as I could only sleep for two hours at the most. The good thing with mumsnet is that there is always someone here. You're never alone, just a keyboard away.

[nightcapers]

I am overwhelmed by your beautiful messages they are bringing me so much comfort thank you.
Yes it is a huge blessing that he was at home in his own bed. I had helped him get undressed and we had a little joke,I covered him up and left his water nearby and glasses and watch,also a note in case he woke up confused as never had to get him ready for bed before,the police officer took the note.
I will definitely take on board the advice to lean on my daughters,they are amazing young women.
Thank you again for all your wordsxx

[lalamumto3]

I am so very sorry to read this, what a terrible shock for you and your family. I hope you can take some comfort to know that he was at home and safe. 55 is way to young.

Thinking of you xxx

[HemlockStarglimmer]

I am sorry for your loss

[QOD]

I'm so sorry for your loss, your marriage sounds amazing and I'm sure he knew how you felt.
Take care

[catsrus]

I'm so sorry for your loss nightcapers - hold onto those wonderful memories of your life together - and your children and grandchildren who are the most perfect result of the love you had for each other. I do hope you can find some comfort in the fact that, in a very real way, both he and your love for each other will live on in them.

[Izzy24]

Nightcapers I'm so very very sorry to hear of your loss . Please let your daughters be there for you - you need each other.

I think it's very touching that your ring arrived today.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Your posts are beautiful and your love for your darling husband shine through. How wonderful to have had all those years together, knowing you loved each other and could totally be yourselves with each other.

Take care of yourself and keep talking about him, your love for each other can never be taken away

[ChaiseLounger]

I'm so sorry. My Dh is an absolute diamond. Your Dh sounds just like one too. Take comfort in that. They are few and far between.

[YoureAllABunchOfBastards]

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

So very sorry, Nightcapers. You had nearly 40 years together and from the sound of it they were good years because you had each other for love and companionship and support through the tough times. He will have known how much you loved him because as everyone else says it shines out from what you're saying here. All those little gestures, all that thoughtfulness, it all adds up.

Wishing you and your family strength to get through this awful time.

[regularbutpanickingabit]

I am so so sorry. He sounds like a lovely man and the love you have for each other shines through.