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Bereavement

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My husband died today

87 replies

nightcapers · 10/05/2015 02:14

I am a very long-term lurker of mumsnet and am writing because I need to tell someone. My husband aged 55 died today.I found him in bed when I got up late as I expected to be working tonight.I knew right away something was wrong as nothing had been moved and he always did little things to help me.He was in remission from cancer but otherwise well though he suffered a lot of pain in his legs and feet.I don't know the actual cause of death yet.We had so many plans for the future and four children and grandchildren.I can't believe it. I wish I hadn't pushed him so much to do stuff I was too hard on him not wanting him to give up and become old before his time.How stupid was I.How foolish and stupid not to get into bed with him and cuddle him and tell him I loved him

OP posts:
ProcessYellowC · 11/05/2015 02:00

nightcapers sorry for your loss Flowers
Your writing is beautiful, describing so much love.

therealsquireofwideacre · 11/05/2015 02:03

So sorry for your loss nightcapers, what a shock you've had. Your husband was obviously adored, your love shines out in your words about him.

FairPhyllis · 11/05/2015 02:13

nightcapers can I just second that it's really lovely to read you writing about your husband - it sounds like a really beautiful, strong, loving relationship of the kind that we'd all like to have. Not something you see on MN every day!

Hope you are not having too bad a night.

nightcapers · 11/05/2015 03:54

Thank you so much you are all lovely people I only wish I had 'met' you in better circumstances. So sorry for others who have suffered lossxx

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bitbybitbybit · 11/05/2015 04:06

Im so sorry nightcapers I can only imagine the remorse you feel but you are not to blame youself. He knew you loved him dearly im sure of this! Sending you hugs and more hugs X

Dutchoma · 11/05/2015 07:39

So sorry Nightcapers. I know about that feeling of guilt. People who know my circumstances would say how ridiculous: after 43 years of marriage and 8 years of utter devotion until he died last year, there is no reason for this guilt, but it is there alright.

SallyMcgally · 12/05/2015 01:51

Thinking of you tonight nightcapers xxx someone's always up on mumsnet if you need to talk. Thanks

nightcapers · 12/05/2015 03:16

Thank you just to know people are there to talk to and who are so lovely and kind is an enormous comfort.
Dutchoma,I'm so sorry you have those feelings of guilt it's a horrible painful feeling. My husband became more affectionate as he got older,I had the deepest of feelings but for some stupid,pointless reason held them back at times.I needed him so much and when he became less able I didn't deal with it as well as I could have.He knew the depths of my heart though I am sure.
I hope you are finding peace Dutchomax

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SallyMcgally · 12/05/2015 03:40

I'm sure he did know how much you loved him nightcapers. Actions express so much love, and you sound to have looked after him so well xx
Thinking of you too dutchoma

nightcapers · 16/06/2015 05:22

Hello everyone,just thought I would write a few words to update a little bit and thank you again for your company on those first nights.

My husband's funeral was very sad but also very special,myself and our four daughters each spoke about what he meant to us and how great a Dad,Grandad and husband he was.

It was lovely to hear our girls talk about their own special memories,like the bedtime stories with all the funny voices he would do,and the influence and inspiration he has given them.

At the lunch afterwards we all had a lolly ice for dessert in his memory which raised a smile!

We had the coroner's report and sadly he had a heart condition that had gone undetected,most likely caused or worsened by all the medication to treat the cancer.

With Father's Day coming up closely followed by his birthday it will be hard,one of our daughters had the idea of us each doing a kindness on that day just something like taking a cake into work,sounds cheesy but it helps to have something to focus on.

Love him and miss him beyond words and always will xx

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Weebirdie · 16/06/2015 06:22

I just wanted to acknowledge your very sad situation and to say 'oh that we could all be loved the way you loved each other'.

Im so sorry for you loss.
xx

ukulelelady · 18/06/2015 21:29

If you want to talk to others who have and are going through what you are check out the chat page on the Merry Widow website. I found it insightful and helpful.
I lost my partner 3 years ago this week and it's weird, you never loose the pain and heart ache but you get used to it. It gets less raw and you will find joy in simple things again. Be kind to yourself. try to sleep and forgive yourself too. Sending virtual hugs from this horrible club we are in but didn't choose to be.xxx

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