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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

My husband died today

87 replies

nightcapers · 10/05/2015 02:14

I am a very long-term lurker of mumsnet and am writing because I need to tell someone. My husband aged 55 died today.I found him in bed when I got up late as I expected to be working tonight.I knew right away something was wrong as nothing had been moved and he always did little things to help me.He was in remission from cancer but otherwise well though he suffered a lot of pain in his legs and feet.I don't know the actual cause of death yet.We had so many plans for the future and four children and grandchildren.I can't believe it. I wish I hadn't pushed him so much to do stuff I was too hard on him not wanting him to give up and become old before his time.How stupid was I.How foolish and stupid not to get into bed with him and cuddle him and tell him I loved him

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nightcapers · 10/05/2015 03:08

Thanks for your replies everything you say is true,we were,are like one person after all the years.Our daughters are my rock now,but I will try very hard not to lean on them too much.They loved their Dad so dearly and he was so proud of them.

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nightcapers · 10/05/2015 03:09

Thank you Koala and everyone you are giving me something to hold onto

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blackgoat · 10/05/2015 03:18

So sorry for your loss....??????

FairPhyllis · 10/05/2015 03:20

So sorry nightcapers what a terrible shock.

Please don't beat yourself up about the last few months or days - 34 years is such a long time to be together, of course he knew how much he was loved.

GraysAnalogy · 10/05/2015 03:26

I'm so so sorry.

Your husband will have known you loved him deeply, just as he you

HicDraconis · 10/05/2015 03:43

So sorry nightcapers He will have known how much you love him - it can be said and shown in so many ways.

nightcapers · 10/05/2015 03:44

Thanks again I really did love him he used to love doing stuff in his computer and I would call him on his mobile when tea was ready or for a cuppa how I wish I could do that now.I will always love him and I wish I had made every minute perfect.I was 15 he was 16 when we met,we grew up together really.I doesn't feel like 34 years time goes so fast

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BumWad · 10/05/2015 04:02

I am so sorry for your loss. Your DH sounds wonderful, may he RIP

Jenda · 10/05/2015 05:25

Oh my goodness it sounds like you had a lovely love story and I'm so sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself and take each day at a time. You will have a lot to deal with besides your own grief in the next few weeks and you should delegate whatever you can. I am thinking of you and your lovely husband

ovumahead · 10/05/2015 05:42

Gosh what a huge shock, but what a beautiful relationship you've had! Although it's natural to feel bad for not being 'perfect' all the time, try not to do this to yourself. You were obviously deeply in love. I'm sure you have many, many memories to treasure. Replay those in your mind whenever you start to feel a pang of regret. You will miss him terribly - remember him well. After that many years together, making a family together, you are completely entwined. This must be so very painful for you. Accept the help, love and support from those around you. Big hugs x

ajandjjmum · 10/05/2015 05:52

I'm so sorry. DH and are are similar ages, and have been married 30 years this year. It's only natural to take each other for granted - and really it's a testament to your deep bond that you're able to do that. For all of our squabbles, we both know we'd be there for each other - as were you and your DH. Typical Mum - not wanting to lean to heavily on your DC - but this is one of those times you should, and they'll want to support you.

Take care, and try and get some rest.

nightcapers · 10/05/2015 05:52

Thank you yes he was lovely and strong and kind and so patient with me as I have had depression and often found it hard to share my feelings he never ever got frustrated with me and was an all round better person than I could ever be.
When my Dad was in a home with dementia he visited him and took him out into the garden there, that's the sort of man he was.
He put up with so much,his pain,he couldn't eat many foods but loved lolly ice splits as they soothed his mouth and throat I got about 30 boxes a week ocado were his favourite posh tastes!
Our daughters had all left home and we did enjoy each others company although I worked nights so slept in the day,I wish I had given work up now to be with him every minute but it wasn't really an option.
I work from home so we had cuppas in the night when I was on my breaks.
It really hurts and helps to tell you about himxx

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nightcapers · 10/05/2015 06:01

Just read more messages you are all so kind and lovely. I saw a ring on ebay just a little bit of sparkle not expensive he persuaded me to buy it,it arrived today. I had a little bit of money from a works pension I treated him to two really nice reclining chairs one for up one for down they haven't been delivered yet, he was so delighted he couldn't wait to try them out.We never had any spare money all our married life so we felt really extravagant.
Thank you again so nice to know there are lovely people out there

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Unescorted · 10/05/2015 06:04

Nightcapers - he will have known how much you loved him, your love is jumping off the page and there is no way that you could have kept that hidden. He knew that you loved him, just as you knew he loved you. It is a sign of the amount that you didn't need to tell each other every single mniute of every day.

xxxxx

SavoyCabbage · 10/05/2015 06:05

He sounds like wonderful a wonderful man.

It's not real life that you make every moment count and tell each other you love each other all the time.

He would have known because you would have shown it in all the other ways. Like the ice lollies.

I'm so glad that you have your daughters and remember there is always someone here on Mumsnet to talk to. Whatever the time.

BeezusFafoon · 10/05/2015 06:05

So sorry for your loss night. Your love for your DH rings out from your every word. I've no doubt he knew how much you loved him. You And your family are in my thoughts

sandgrown · 10/05/2015 06:29

Just thinking of you. Nobody can take your happy memories away. Look after yourself

nightcapers · 10/05/2015 06:34

Thank you very much your words mean such a lot. I really hope he did know.
i am very grateful for our time together and our children and grandchildren.

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ladygracie · 10/05/2015 06:47

I am so very sorry for your loss. The other posters are right - after 34 years he would have known exactly how loved he was. Be kind to yourself xxxx

Rosa · 10/05/2015 06:52

34 years , sorry its not longer and wishing you and your family strength.

Pointlessfan · 10/05/2015 06:52

What a terrible shock for you and your family. Really sorry to hear about your loss

Azquilith · 10/05/2015 06:56

So sorry for your loss nightcapers

Ohfourfoxache · 10/05/2015 07:05

I'm so, so sorry sweetheart

It sounds like you actually adored each other - it's the little things (like having a cuppa and posh ice lollies) that count, not just the big gestures. I'm sure he felt very well loved x

RolodexOfHate · 10/05/2015 07:16

Your affection and love for your husband runs through your posts. It's very beautiful to read. I am up and will be for a long while, so please message if you feel like it. Please take care of yourself.

ninetynineonehundred · 10/05/2015 07:19

Hello nightcapers, I'm so very sorry to hear about your husband. 34 years is a long time and you must be in shock.
I'm sure he knew that you loved him.
Sending you strength for the days ahead

Flip

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