Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

So sorry for everyone's loss btw. apologies forbeing so selfcentred.

ENKOP everything you said about your mum living abroad and being abit estranged etc mirrors my rel with my father. Hence the part of me that can keep going as nothing as really changed practcally and yet, everything has changed. As much as I prepared for this and grieved before it is different. There is no hope of a future meet up.

Hi Jesse & enko (I'm glad you got some sleep the other day btw) I'm still kind of new to this, it's only been 6 months since I lost my dad, but here's what I've learnt ...
We do manage to get through each day, it does get slightly easier (and it gets harder if that makes sense), you need to look after yourself, you are allowed to do whatever you want & feel however you want, you might realise that some people in your life aren't there for you, some are !! Nobody else really understands what it's like (except mummylin ) and finally ... It changes us, we will never ever be the same, your mum/dad would want you to be happy so keep thinking that, enjoy life, laugh, smile etc whenever you can ... Do not feel guilty xx

My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a parent. I sadly joined this club a few days ago when my DF died suddenly after a very short illness. He hadn't been 100 percent healthy but we expected a good few years more with him and now that has been taken away. He was 71 and it turned out he had a nasty form of leukaemia which was causing all sorts of minor symptoms but was undiagnosed.

My Dad lived abroad and now I have to fly over for the funeral, I am absolutely dreading it. I haven't been to his hometown for a long time and I won't know very many people there. He was meant to be coming for a visit with my step mum in a few months and I just don't know how I am going to cope when that time comes round. We weren't terribly close but he was a lovely person, really sociable and full of energy and had lots of fun things left to do with his life. He was just fun to be around and my dc's loved him.

I just keep thinking about all the little things: I will never hear his voice on the phone again, he will never play with my dc's again, I will never receive a silly gift from him again etc....

It's just so brutal, my heart really does go out to you all.

Ladydepp, when I flew to my dad's town a couple of weeks ago I was terrified. all the memories in to that place are limked with my dad as he moved there in his late life. I thought there'd be no respite. In fact it was the best thing, albeit very sad, it felt being close to him again.
My father was 71 as well. And I too was extremely sad at the thought that his life had come to an end, regardless of me. That really hit me. I am waiting for the rest of the pain to follow but it is harder to grasp it when you come back home where the memories of him are less and where life demands you follow it. And then you feel guilty for carrying on.

On a good note: I forced myself to go riding today and it was the best thing.

jesse and lady I am sorry that you have both had to join us here. You both have very similar things as each other.
jesse I am glad that you found comfort in being at your dads house.
Whatever you feel like doing Re social wise is up to you.
It's a very strange time and it's difficult to make choices. I would suggest you don't plan too far ahead, just take it day by day. One day you may feel like doing sport, other days you may not. Your choice entirely.
lady I agree with you that it a very brutal thing to happen, especially when you had expectations of many more years with your dad. I hope that you have many happy memories from the past which will now become treasures.
As I have said on here before , surprisingly when the funeral comes , we all dread it, but it's not as bad as we expected and we manage to cope better than we thought we would.

I had a bit of a moment today,

DD2 called me in tears as she had missed the bus and didnt have money to get home. I calmed her down got her to go to the book shop and promised to be there to collect her once I had got her younger sister.

As we drive home my friend who was with me said. " when stuff happens you just want to call your mum don't you?" and I thought "I cant ever do that again"... Truth is it has been a very long time since I last called mum for help or if I had a problem. However I have done with recipes and stuff and now I wont ever be able to do so again.. Very odd to know.

Hi enko I can relate to the recipe topic. Each week my mum would make us and my siblings the most lovely fruit cake, mum was always saying she would give me the recipe, but I never wanted it as I didn't intend to make any cakes. Now I wish I had it as that is one of the things I miss. I miss her for so many different things.
I bet your friend could of bitten her own tongue when she said that, but it's true what she said.
Lots of things happen and I think " oh I must tell mum " but obviously I can't and it hurts.

I'm the same. My mum made me the most delicious steak and gravy and try as I might I just cant replicate it. And my dads soup was the same.....now they are both gone I'll never taste them again. Its all just crap.

My dad's Yorkshire puddings were just the best, sorry to everyone on this horrible journey we are on. Grief is the price we pay for love, and we are paying a very high price x

Totally agree yorkshire, grief is a shitty price to pay.
I got a few more photos printed of my dad and have put them around the house in nice frames. It's all I can do not to burst into tears though every time I look at one.
5 days overdue now and feeling very hormonal. Mum says she'll be upset when she sees the new baby as dad not here with her this time.
Am sorry too for all of the new posters' losses xx

Oh starfish, 5 days !!! Have you had any signs? A date to be induced? Talking of recipes, when I write to my aunt next (dads sister) I will ask her for any family recipes, they won't be the same as my dads but similar (my dad wasn't English) and now I'm thinking about it, I might ask my mum for some of my dads recipe books if he had any, he was an amazing cook I've been a bit more emotional this last week, that could be hormonal as well as the exbf being a bit mean & I keep getting emails mentioning Father's Day & only yesterday I thought, that's it ... I'll never need to buy another Father's Day gift ever xx

for you all here

fathers day and mothers day are just too awful to get through, aren't they

its hard to count your blessings sometimes, when we're aching for our loved ones, but I think its always sort of amazing the sun still rises and shines in the morning and the birds still sing, when we're feeling like such a big part of our lives has ended. But life goes on, relentlessly sometimes.

starfish, hopefully you wont have too long to wait now for your little one, I really believe this baby will put a smile on you and your mums face, and make losing your dad just a teensy bit less unbearable. I hope so, anyway xx

meant to say, ds1 was 7 months when dad died, and I really believe having someone else to love and care for helped my mum enormously, over time of course...grief is such a long process and its only in hindsight we can see the true picture.

he's now nearly 6 feet tall!! I hope my parents can see him, wherever they are xx

So sorry for all those with their recent losses. I haven't posted since my dad's funeral. Things finally hit me that day and I have been very sad since. Today is my dad's birthday. We are going out for dinner later to 'celebrate' it, just as we would have done if he was here. Next week is Father's Day. I have talked my husband into going away for a few days (taking the children out of school for 2 days, wrong I know but they have had a crap 3 months and some time away will help them too). We will spend Father's Day packing up and travelling home. I still haven't sorted Father's Day for dh or his dad. Can't face it. Pathetic really.

Hi everyone. dusty if my children were still young and at school I too would of taken them out of school ! Especially in your circumstances. But then I don't like others imposing rules on me ! I have always been the same. Who are these faceless judges . I hope your break will help you.
ssd I agree with you. How does the sun still shine and the world just continue the same way it always did,when we are still in so much anguish for our departed loved ones. How do others just carry on shopping and worrying about mundane things. When so many of us are grieving.
It's a very strange situation really.
And yet others face the same heartbreak but acceptance comes to them quite quickly and they can just carry on as normal. It just shows how everyone is so different dosent it. I only know my own life will never be the same, and I think for you it's even worse. I at least have a big close family and am very close with my siblings, you sadly don't have this and it probably hasn't helped you to be able to move on from your loss.
Everyone who is missing someone today, you are all in my thoughts.
And one last thing " hurry up baby, Your mummy is waiting " !

Father's day is going to be hard for all of us hey... don't blame you for wanting to get away dusty, I think that's a great idea. Get dh to sort out his own dad's gift this year if you can't face it?

I had an awful dream last night - dreamt it was dad's last moments in the hospital, I was alone with him and he was trying to tell me something but couldn't then took his last breath. I woke with a start and had to get up I was so upset. Totally freaked me out.

Thanks everyone for the good wishes. Induction booked for next sat tho hope it doesn't come to that. My son was induced and ended in c section which was fine but I've opted to try for a natural delivery and I'll be annoyed to go down the same route when I could have had an elective section 3 weeks ago! Oh well can't hurry up nature.

It all feels v poignant as when I was 3 months pregnant last time dad was given 6 months to live. We were devastated and we spent the whole pregnancy not knowing whether dad would even meet his first grandchild. Thankfully he did and even enjoyed 16 months with him which I am so so grateful for. Just feels wierd being at the end of another pregnancy with no dad this time. I am really excited though and my toddler has been helping occupy my mind! I guess with such a life changing event, hormones and father's day round the corner is making me feel a bit more emotional than normal.

Sorry for the long post - Happy Sunday everyone xx

Dusty I'm sorry you're feeling so sad, mummylin is right, it changes us ?? it's really not helping any of us who have lost our dads, with Father's Day coming up, those of you that still have your dads ... I hope you can make it extra special for them xx

Starfish, I hope something happens soon I was supposed to be induced with my youngest & luckily I went into labour the night before x

I can't remember who said about their son being nearly 6ft, my kids are the same, they're all growing up to be big, strong kind men & I wish my dad could see them, they are so much like him in every way, I wish he was here to see that his looks, sense of humour, intelligence & all of his other many talents ... are there in my kids xx

Just been sorting more stuff out- so painful, how can I get rid of stuff which meant so much to him. It's so hard.

It is hard Yorkshire that is why 3 and a half years later I still have so much stuff of my mums that I couldn't bear to throw away ! To me it would be like throwing some of my mums past away, so here my boxes of stuff will remain. I can't see that I will ever throw her stuff out.
You don't have to throw it all out just get some big plastic containers and go things at your leisure , it is a horrible task to have to do.

Hello all,
I have had a health crisis which has been taking all my energy but not forgotton about you all.
I feel like i have accepted my dad has gone but i still relive a lot of his illness and his last few days. I talk to him everyday and pray to him too.

hi candy, good to see you again. sorry about your health, I think I can remember you writing about this before..I hope things are taking a better turn now xx

Hi ssd. It is a degenerative condition i have and i have a period of readjustment ahead. But good to know you all here x

Hi candy hope you are doing ok xx