Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

Hello up. So sorry to hear about your dad. It's very hard to make sense when someone has died unexpectedly. And for you and your family you have quite a long wait until you find out the exact cause, so really you are all in limbo.
I understand what you mean about leaving your dad behind, but it doesn't have to be like that. Talk about him, recall some happy or funny times you all had together ( I even chat to my mum when I go to the crem ) your dad will never be forgotten and by talking about him with your family , he will in a way still be with you. I think I mention my mum every single day to someone .
As I said to someone in the week it's the physical presence that I miss and I'm sure you will too, but our loved ones will always remain in our hearts no matter how long it is.
I guess you are all reeling at the moment , trying to make sense if what has happened and most importantly, why ! This is a question that many of us ask.
It's good to see that you have a lot of RL support, so many don't have that, then if they do it seems to vanish as after a few weeks they presume that we are now " ok " which we know is complete rubbish.
It does take quite a while to adjust , but there is no time limit on grief. And the first year is often full of upset, the first birthday , first Xmas etc. things do gradually improve, but I think life is changed forever when we lose someone we love.
We have to get on with life, we have no choice really, but there will always be a link missing from the family chain.
But eventually, although you obviously won't ever forget your dad, you will move on with your own life. And I'm sure this is what your dad would want for you all
Be there for your mum and your siblings, but don't forget yourself
Just take one day at a time.

Thank you so much for your lovely reply, I think you're right when you say we are in limbo, I feel like without any explanation at all it's so hard to even try to comprehend it all.

I do feel my Dad is still with me, I really do, he is of course part of me, and everything he taught me and all the love and support he gave me is still there.

I think it's just the fact that it is so unfair that I'm finding difficult, I guess that's how everyone feels though, of course these situations are never fair but it just feels wrong. No one ever had a bad word to say about him, and he had so much more to experience. It also makes everything feel so fragile too.

Writing everything down has helped though, thank you.

Sorry, I meant to say, I am so sorry for the loss of your mum

There is usually someone who will answer your posts up
It does help to speak to others who are either going through the same or have already been where you are. I think until you lose a parent, we don't realise how painful it all is.
I agree that your dad was far too young to leave thus world, but life can be very unfair, good people are taken whilst evil ones get to stay.

To be honest, I was totally unaware of how many people were going through or had gone through similar things until it happened to myself and my family, so many people have messaged me with their own experiences and it has been such a huge comfort.

Sorry to hear about your own loss mumslife, 72 is still very young. Losing a parent at any age is something that you can never be prepared for.

I agree that it is so hard to watch the people you love go through the same pain, and trying to support them through it whilst also dealing with your own feelings. I hope you are getting the support you need.

Chicken - that's lovely re your tattoo. I was thinking of getting a little anchor somewhere as dad used to be in the navy and gave up when I was born.

So sorry for your loss up. It's just so bloody hard. I lost my dad 4 months ago and I think about him every single day tho it definitely isn't as raw. Like you I feel sad that I've had to leave him in the past and life now goes on.... your dad was very young and it is so unfair as mummylin says that many less deserving people get to live longer. He would want you to be happy though. It's great you have good support around you. I worry so much for my mum being all alone 300 miles away.

In other news my baby is due tomorrow - eeeeekk!!

Come on starfish baby what a lovely event after so much sadness.
I hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine and taking time to relax.
I love sitting in my garden. Just looking at all the flowers growing especially my mums archway of roses which I dug up from her garden. I know she would be pleased to think someone has it rather than just leaving it. I have to admit I was like a magpie and dug up all mums fav plants and they all survived and are thriving in my garden !
We also get loads of birds and I love watching the baby birds flapping around waiting for the mum to feed them.
Enjoy the rest of the day everyone.

I also had a tattoo done, but I already had three small ones. I have a rosé with my sisters name underneath, and a dolphin with Mum underneath. All on my shoulders.

Up, it's horrible we're all in the "same boat" but it's a godsend to post on here, it really is x

Starfish, any sign of the baby coming? x

Mummylin, I've also got 2 other tattoos (bikini area, so my mum & dad wouldn't see them & tell me off) from my "youth" lol but most of the time I forget they're there ... The one for my dad, it's special to me I wish I could show you all x

I don't know if it's the exbf being outta my life, or the new bloke (I was dreading the 6 month mark & my dads birthday ... it wasn't as hard as I thought) but I genuinely feel like I can do this, that I'm really feeling happy I'm well aware that I'll have more "sad times" to come and I still don't think it's sunk in, I'm still having a little cry most days, but right now I'm enjoying life and I hope my dad is watching over me & is proud of me x

My mum died last Sunday 31st May. She had a massive stroke and passed away. age 69 she was meant to turn 70 on the 25th.

Funeral was Saturday and I have been in Denmark Wed - Sun.

I went back to work today I needed some normality to happen.

I keep getting these sharp pains as something happens and I remember she has died. Thats the best way to describe the grief I think its like a sharp stabbing pain that goes straight through your stomach..
We were not close in the last years I felt she didnt find my childrne interesting she was forever talking about my niece didnt want to hear what mine were up to. SO I stopped phoning and she didnt phone me. She was however my mum and I loved her and I cant quite believe she is just gone.

My stepdad is broken so lost without her and I worry for him so much they were together 40 years. I am far away and I know my sister will be the one who deals with it all.

I feel strangely detached yet also so aware of my emotions. I miss her and I haven't missed her in years. I am a grown woman who hasnt " needed" her mother in years.. YEt I realise now I needed to know she was " there" and now she is not anymore.

Hello enko I am sorry for your loss. I can imagine that even though you were not too close for a while. She was still your mum and I'm sure that you did have your happier times. It is these times you will have to think of to help you get through this very sad time.
I am sure that despite everything. Your mum loved you as you still loved her. I also think that you may have regrets, but we all have things we regret in life. Don't feel guilt for this, things are as they are.
Is your sister managing to cope on her own with everything ?
40 years is a long time to be with someone who is an important part of anyone's life and I'm sure your stepdad for now is completely lost it's like losing one half of yourself. But grief is a strange thing, it gradually gets better, but then something can get you in the guts and all the sad feelings come back in that instance.
Do you have RL support and close friends who you can talk to and will give you the support you need ? There us usually someone here if you need to ask anything, or just to gave a rant about something. Take care.

chickentake a photo and put it on your profile. That is where you can see mine.

Ahhh chicken so great you are happy and feeling positive. I bet your dad would be proud. After so much sadness you deserve to be happy. Really chuffed for you .

Think this baby is staying put for a while..!! .

So sorry for your loss enko. You will feel such a range of emotions but please do look after yourself and take things one day at a time xx

Mummylin, I might put it on my profile for a day or something, I've only told my close friends irl, I don't even want to put a pic on fb, it just seems to personal starfish, jump up & down enko, I'm sorry for your loss, as mummylin said, post away, there's always someone here xx

I'm so sorry to everyone here who has lost a parent, especially those who have done so very recently. This is a very difficult road to walk. My mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer exactly a year ago and she passed away four months ago at the age of 69 leaving my father partially disabled by a degenerative condition. I wasn't actually close to my mum but there is no way you can lose a parent and not be deeply, deeply affected. We are also looking forward to welcoming our son into the world at the end of this month - something wonderful to look forward to.

Hi Saturn, I'm sure someone will be along with something constructive to say, in the meantime you get me x

Hello Saturn sorry for the loss of your Mum. It is like being struck by lightening isn't it. I hope during her last months you were able to build some more memories. Is your Df able to cope on his own or does he need caring for.? I hope that you can support each other at this time.
But on a happier note, how lovely that your baby will soon be here. That is two due his month already on this thread ( I hope it's not catching ) !

Arghhhh mummylin I hope it's not catching either !!! x

dd3 is starting 2ndary in September. Today we got her new entrant welcome evening date. The date is the day my mother would have turned 70. I really don't think I can sit and concentrate for almost 2 hours less than a month after she passed away knowing this.

Yet I want dd3 to go to meet her new form friends.. I just dont know what to do. Dh is unlikely to be able to make it.

That's a blow enko do you have a good friend who could come with you ? I do think if possible you should go though. Your dd would be so disappointed. The timing isn't great is it. How long is it likely to last ? It is surprising what we can get through when we fear that we can't face things. I'm sure your mum would be saying " go on you can do it " but I do hope you can get someone to accompany you, either a friend or relation maybe ?

I have just realised you said it would last two hours. If you really can't face it , maybe you could go for part of it ?

I just wanted to thank chickennoodle and mummylin for responding to my post last night - I fell asleep after writing it so there must have been a therapeutic benefit!! Yes, it is like being struck by lightning. With it being the full year since all this began, I'm finding that the scents of summer and long evenings seem to remind me of what happened last year. I hope that won't always be the case. My father needs a certain amount of caring for but he's incredibly resilient and independent, somehow managing to travel quite a lot. I'd expected to find supporting him very difficult so in many ways that's a relief, both for him and for us. Perversely, it's also sometimes a little bit difficult to see him managing to go on quite happily at times - I realise that's completely my issue though! A situation like this does seem to reveal extremes of good and bad in people - at different times members in the family have shown deep, compassionate selflessness that moves us all to tears - and at other times, we have occasionally been guilty of extreme childishness! But my mum has gone and we don't know what that means to each of us yet, let alone what it will mean for anyone else. All we can do is hold on to every good memory and good encounter that takes place during this strange time, and 'with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away'.

thats a lovely phrase, saturn

I am joining the club, if I may. My df passed away suddenly two weeks ago. It was totally unexpected. When it happened I had a lovely week in his house with my dbs. It was extremely sad but also perfect as I was in his house with my dbs.
However as he lived in a different country I had to came home after a week (kids etc) and went straight back to work which is ok as I love it. However I feel totally lost inside and a bit if a fraud: how can I keep going after this? I feel totally detached by it all. I don't want to be fine, I don't want to carry on as if nothing as changed and yet I do not want to fall apart either. I am planning to go back there for a weekend soon as it is what I need. I also would like to pause all activities (sports etc) and socialising for a bit. Is that ok? Am I allowed? I don't know why part of me Feels this will be overindulging and excessive whilst the other (saner part) tells me to do whatever I like.
I am Lost and confused.
I loved my dad.