Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

It baffles me that when someone dies other people talk about them like they never existed. why did she die, what of nosy questions noone is interested in her hopes, the things she wanted to do, what made her who she was. today seems to be a long line of people doing their level best to piss me off! Sorry for the epic rant, how are you all?

That is bloody disgusting SM. How rude to ask such questions, your poor nan, it's bad enough that she lost her daughter without someone like that bothering her.
How are all the children SM ? And how are you getting on these days. Do you still have your little memory garden for your mum ?

mummylin Sorry i missed your mums birthday, sounds like you done her proud with your flowers and your lovely tribute to her. These are for you and for her

I had a general look as i am so behind, its all very hard sometimes isn't it, the thoughts and memories, i walked passed her picture last night and yes i do have my spiritual belief of her being around me and helping me through the tough times, but its all very hard still. I just cant believe its been 3 years now.
Mario was it you that said someone was a knob that did make me laugh
badvoc - sorry to hear all what's happening, great to hear from you through. one of the legends of this board (meaning long term not age)
ssd - as always you are in my thoughts and sending you strength with your siblings, they didn't deserve a special sister like you.

xx

Mario -ive hated the fact of people i thought would talk about my mum haven't, you get the crap though with people going oooh they don't know what to say or some don't say anything...so yeah i know what you mean. I don't bother with them people any more they are nothing! And god forbid when they lose their best friend mum or dad they will certainly know grief and how it affects you.

xx

They will, and will expect us to behave differently to how they have but i honestly dont think i could now. its difficult :)
Think it was B who said someone was a knob but its very true to life round here right now! my grandads birthday friday bet his son doesnt bother, might get a card off his other daughter who always claims she cant afford to send them a present. It annoys me so much i know all people see their parents differently but mum would never have ignored a birthday.

Sorry to miss your mums birthday lin my phone has broke and im using this horrible small one so havent been mning on phone as cannot see the screen and its so slow! it sounds as though you remember her well, hope the day wasnt too hard for you.

Things are ok here, keeping busy. the children are all okay ds is suffering really badly with his hayfever but doesnt like medicine. i took his tablet up to school today and he let it melt on his tongue then refused to have a drink made a right scene, when i left he was sitting with the head so doubt he will be happy with me at pick up.

Still have the garden the wood needs painting on it but i want some really bright paint to do the planters this year and having no joy there is the usual green,red,brown but i want like bright pink or yellow wood paint!

how are things with you and with everyone else on the thread? :)

Hi T and SM!
I wish I had words of wisdom for you wrt other people's behaviour but I really haven't.
People who knew my dad all his life (old school friends etc) have not spoken to me since he died.
I know it's hard to know what to say to bereaved people. But saying nothing is worse!
I truly believe that weddings and funerals bring out the complete worst in some people.
I wish I knew why.
Stress perhaps?
Or maybe they just aren't very nice human beings, but we dont realise until we need their support?
My bils family have really let my sister down since his stroke. They never visit, and she is at breaking point with his behaviour. (Tbh he is back to normal but will not help himself)
It's a hard lesson to learn but in the long run these people are doing us a favour by showing their true colours.
Sending love to all x

Am sorry to hear bil family not being supportive i do think people withdraw because they are finding it too hard to deal with but ultimately its not helpful is it.

mums friend from work saw me and my sister shopping this week and put her head down and walked away. that was kind of harsh.

we shall settle on people are arseholes and id like to think i would never do the same as im sure you all wouldnt too.

:O)

its nice and sunny here today and i have nothing at all to do other than mill about the house until school pick up, todays a good day. what are you up too?

Hi mario and B! Yeah ive had people change the flipping subject can you believe that!! Hence to say they are not on my close friend list anymore! And my mum is 1000 people that some people in my life are, such a shame you cant kick family to the kerb!!

Mario your garden area is amazing, how lovely! Show us the planters when they are done. x

Well up the shops now, I coloured my roots with the touch up kit but it was the wrong colour and is very dark!! lol bit more over cast today in Kent.
Oh and to say a big hi to biscuits too (())

cant believe you have had people change the subject thats so rude, bet you listened to them when they talked too. pfftt. I dont speak to mums brother at all and her sister very rarely if i absolutely have too. its a shame but thats how it is.

Ah thanks, they will look cool when they are bright and painted. Not good about the hair i did the same with the new salonist one and my roots are now a different colour to the rest of my hair need to sort that out!

Hey I've had so much stress the last few days with dc2 (I've got way too many of the not so little buggers!!!) and it's the time of the month ?? dc3 asked me innocently this morning if I could go back to 5 or 25 yrs of age, I said 5 and promptly burst into tears, that set dc3 off crying I would do anything to go back & be daddy's little girl again, waiting for him to get in from work, sitting on his knee, it was such a silly question but it's opened up the floodgates x

I've popped back in again. It's been a few weeks since dads first anniversary now. It came and went so quickly and what with the new baby and my toddler it didn't hit me quite as hard as I was expecting. I felt numb on the day. Dh asked how I was feeling and I didn't really know. Grief is a strange thing.

It's hit me like a sledge hammer today though as my mum sat next to me and told me she's met someone else. I felt sick as she was telling me and fought back the tears. I felt so choked up I couldn't speak. I was in shock. It's only been a year and she's moved on already after 45 years of marriage. My stomach turned over and my brain just froze. I eventually managed to ask her who he was and where they met. He's in her choir and she's had a few dates and seems so happy. When she was telling me about him she was smiling and looked like she was in love. She went on a coach trip last week and it tens out she was on a date with him and spent the whole day talking and they get on really well. It's early days but she wants it to progress. I drove home in tears. I can't imagine mum being with another man. I want her to move on with her life. My head says go for it, be happy, have fun and companionship but my heart pines for my dad and for them to be here together. It's still all so raw and I'm still grieving for him. I'm very confused and tearful about it all. She wants us to meet him but I don't think I'm quite ready for that just yet. I sound so selfish. But I miss my dad so much. I wish there was a way I could just talk to him one more time and see his face.

littlepink I understand to a certain extent how you feel about your mums new friend. I was always a great believer that people should not be alone and if they found someone else it was lovely for them, that is until my beloved gran died and my grandad had a girlfriend. I absolutely hated it , completely irrational really but I could not and never did accept it.
If you are not ready to meet anyone , don't feel forced into it. I am glad the baby has helped with your grief and has made everything much more bearable .
On another note I have found out that my friend in Australia will have his funeral service next tues at 11.30am (aus time) so I think it will be 3am here as they are 8 and a half hours ahead of us. I will try and stay up that night until I think it will be over.

Hello

Well I often read this thread and marvel at the love, strength and support bursting from it.

Now...here I am

My beautiful Mum passed away on Saturday March 21st at 8.10am
It was lung bastard cancer
She was 68
She had me very young at 16
We cremated her on the 7 th April

I cannot put into words the mixture of pain and emptiness I am feeling

There. I said it.
Thank you for listening

Thank you mumslife

She wasn't too bad at the end thanks to a morphine driver and the fantastic Hospice nurses. She was diagnosed on Christmas Eve 2013, and she tried one round of chemo but could not handle the side effects. She knew it was "curtains" as she put it.

Bad luck runneth in the family cup. Her and her DHs beloved dog died a week after her cremation in her DHs arms, and I found a lump in my breast 10 days ago which is going to be checked on Tuesday.

What next?

I am 51 and crying like a baby at the drop of a hat. I feel 5 years old again. I want my mum back

Thanks mummylin. I just had to get it all out. We promised dad just before he died that we'd take care of mum. Dh said we owe it to dad to meet this guy and make sure he's alright! I don't know. It all seems so weird and strange to be saying this stuff.

Crazynanna my dad was on a diamorphine pump at the end too. He wasn't in any pain and was very settled. The hospice nurses were absolutely amazing. So caring and attentive. They couldn't do enough for him or us and I'll never forget their kindness. Good luck with getting the lump checked out. Hope it's all ok.

Hello "crazynana* I am so sorry that you have had to join this thread. We all understand the pain you are going through. It's awful isn't it . It seems like since losing your mum other sadness has occurred for you. It must feel too much to bear at times, but we will all support you as much as we can.
Grief is the most awful thing to go through and you think you will never recover, well you won't entirely but it will certainly improve with time until you have accepted it and have learnt to live with it, that is not to say that there won't be sad times. They are always round the corner.
I hope your apt on tues turns out to be nothing serious .
This is all so new for you crazynana, I'm sure you feel your heart won't recover, and like you I also want my mum, life is never the same without her for me.
I hope you have good family support and friends who will help you through this sad time.
Please come and post whenever you want even if you need a rant over something, as most of us do at some point.

hi crazy nanna I am sorry to see your are joining us here,your mum sounds like she was so special to you. I think we all felt like children realising they weren't here I know I did. please take care of yourself and talk to us here whenever you feel like it.

I have never needed my mum's advice more this week and it's been really hard there has been more tears this week than in a long time. there is a child at school targeting ds and he is just not himself at all sad all the time doesn't want to do anything won't eat because his weight is constantly the picking point. I have been into school but he is so worried all the time. am considering not sending him Monday until I've had a meeting with teacher again.

May I join this thread? My dear dad died seven weeks back. He was coughing and complaining of back pain for a few days. The doctor prescribed antibiotics which didn't work. Then a CT scan suddenly revealed end stage widespread lung cancer.

My dad was given a prognosis of 1.5 years. He lasted one week before suffering acute respiratory distress and being put on life support. He died eight days later.

I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt for ignoring his symptoms. He took such good care of me his whole life and now when it was my turn, I failed him. And now he is gone forever. There were no goodbyes. Just the cold harsh ICU, his lifeless body racked by the cancer and resuscitation attempts.

I even had to leave a cancer bereavement forum, as could not bear to hear the word 'survivor' in context of cancer. My father did not survive, he could not battle cancer, he was not a cancer warrior. He never had a chance.

Hello halfling sorry you have joined the thread no - one wants to be on. Goodness it seems you have had a terrible shock with your dear dad going so suddenly. Your life changes in that instant dosent it. Don't put any blame on yourself, you were not to know what was going on inside your dad. I am sure you are still in a state of shock and disbelief and it is a horrible time to go through, but there is normally someone comes along on here to chat with you when you feel the need. Just take each day as it comes, take care of yourself and I hope your RL family and friends will support you well too.

I'm sorry for the new posters joining this thread