Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

thanks starfish, like you I texted my sister and poured my heart out which I never ever do as I know shes a brick wall, but she never replied, which I should have known beforehand.

anyway I dont mean to make this about me, I know theres posters here who have recently lost a parent and thats very hard to deal with.

yesterday was one of those days where I just woke up sad and had too much time to think, I'd done a lot of talking about my parents the day before and had a drive around my home town and a lot of memories were revived and it sort of just reminded me how much I've lost..I just needed to get it out and as I said thank god for this thread!

Hello All.
Ssd...I'm so sorry your siblings didn't call back. I wish I knew what to say x
Well, yesterday was strange.
Woke up feeing quite anxious for some reason (been a lot going on I suppose) and then as I left mums to drive home the radio played one of songs we had at dads funeral :(
It really made me feel sad and alone.
And I felt like that all day yesterday - in fact I just went to bed in the afternoon I was so low.
My bil is now home and improving, but his speech is still disordered. My sister is under a lot of stress and - like your family ssd - his have been nowhere to be seen.
I try and do what I can but ds2 is now going through another mystery illness bout and that's worrying me.
I think of you all often, sending love to Lin, T and everyone else x

badvoc, so good to hear from you, sorry I still use your old name! Its tough dealing with everything, isnt it . I'm sorry to see your ds2 is ill again, I remember him having his tonsils out last year, you've been through so much since losing your dad, as we say here, you've not had your troubles to seek. How are you keeping in yourself, was it your throat you had problems with, is that all sorted now? Forgive me if I'm getting mixed up..and your BIL, am glad he is improving, but what a lot your family has had to take on.
am sending you and , just wish we could all meet up somewhere for a real cuppa!

Hi everyone, I'm doing ok, throwing myself into exercise at the moment, I've got a few things going on, the most worrying is with another of my kids ?? and I feel at a loss, I don't know how to help at the moment. I've got my birthday in a few weeks & im just not looking forward to it. On the plus side I'm thinking of booking a weekend away for me & my kids, we haven't had a holiday in about 4-5 years (they've been with their dad) but I'm dithering about booking it, that's nothing new for me lol x

Oh, that would be lovely wouldn't it?
Loads of people still use my old nn so you are not alone!
Ds2 has now been Dx woth vitiligo and is having sporadic vomiting episodes that are a bit of a mystery...sigh.
Bil is lucky to be alive tbh but it doesn't seem to have made him a nicer person :(
One of my aunts in Ireland is dying - she was given 3 weeks 2 weeks ago so we assume she doesn't have long left.
At my age (42) and coming from a large extended family this is what the next few years hold for me it seems...
My dads last sibling died whilst bil was in hospital. I didn't really now her (her choice) but it's the last link to my dad gone. 4 siblings gone in 22 months!
Mum is panicking because she is supposed to be going on hols with my brother on 4th May and she is worried she might miss the funeral for her sil.

Hi everyone , nice to see you badvoc I too think of you with your "proper " name ! Well I heard of two deaths on Wednesday one of which was one of my mums friends, then in the evening I had a call from my ex dh to tell me that one of our long time friends had died suddenly in Australia. I am really shocked and wish we weren't so far away. But as I said to my ex, we have such a lot of memories from happier times and we must hold on to those. I have sent a card , I hope it will get there before the funeral. I don't know how things go in Australia.
All the sadness in the world for so many people.
It's my mums birthday on Monday, so another miserable day on the cards. How I wish things would not be so sad all the time.
Thinking of you all.
On a better note my gs is at this very moment just taking over one of my bedrooms, his dad will be also here in another week as their house won't have a roof ! They are having a big extension built so it's mum / nan to the rescue once again, I still have stuff here from when they stayed the last time they moved in here when in between houses about 18 months ago ! Dil will stay with her dad who is just 5 mins away from me. I have lost count on how many times this has happened.

Lin...I moved in with my mum last easter for 2 weeks when we had our kitchen done!
I know what you wean wrt sadness.
I watched some of the memorial service for the Pline crash victims and that made me cry too :(
Heard bad news about Someone I knew a long time ago (from Australia) she is dying :( she is only a few years older than me.
I will be thinking of your mum and you on Monday x

Today is my sisters birthday and a photo popped up of her birthday last year with my dad smiling away as of course he was alive then.
I totally lost it, sobbing and hyperventilating in the kitchen floor. It that constant shock even after seven months that he's gone. He's missing and the family left behind is so fragile and incomplete. I hate that he is dead. Miss him so much. His voice and his big strong hards and his hugs and just talking with him and laughing.
I feel like we are a shell without him, he filled our lives so much and we are wrecks.

Well I have been to the crem and mums grave looks lovely for her birthday. I feel a bit upset the last couple of days and I thinks it's not all because of my mum, I am so shocked at mine and my ex,s friend dying so suddenly last week. I have sent a card and it seemed very odd not to write his name on the envelope, just his wife's. I have no idea when it will get there, anyone got any idea about post to Australia ?

sorry mummylin, I've never sent anything to Australia so dont know the answer to that one. A sudden death is shocking, like our mums, no matter what the circumstances its just an enormous shock.,so very sad .

candy, think we are all a bit wrecked here too, can identify with your feelings there.

Lin... check out the royal mail website for postage times
Awful day here ds2 dx with abdominal migraine

I have just had such a sad moment, the last holiday we went on with mum dh got her travel insurance for her, and he has had an email wishing Mrs B a happy birthday. Why did he tell me that ? Then he had another from someone else to do with mum. and I told him I don't want to know.
My mum hated spending her money and so we used to tell her that her insurance was £20 and pay the rest so she didn't know how expensive it was ! I could cry its so awful.

To my Mum, I can't tell you how much you are missed mum, you did so much for us all, you made all our cakes, grew beet root for dh even though you hated it grew runner beans for me and lots of other things you did because you cared. The day you left us was such a terrible shock and I know I will never get over it. I hope you are around me somewhere and reunited with Nicky, our youngest sibling.You were such a special mum and I love you so much, until we meet again, I remain your loving daughter, Lin xxx

Just cracked for the first time in a few days.
Just seen the official announcement if my Dad's death and funeral details on the local newspaper site.

It really fucking hurts. I didn't think it would hurt as much as the actual day but it does.

I thought I was getting a handle on not bursting into tears at every little thing but right now I can't stop.

lin, your mum sounds just lovely, its easy to see where you get your nature from

badvoc, I've never heard of that, but it sounds bloody sore!! poor little soul, does he have to take special painkillers for that, or is it treated through diet?

personalclown, you just need to cry when you want to. Its awful seeing it in black and white isnt it, makes it more real.

Clown...I still remember the shock of seeing dads death announcement in the funeral parlour window. There. In black and White.
Awful :( I'm so sorry x
Ssd...it's pretty bad when it hits. He collapsed last night :( but his Dr (who I trust) is certain that's what it is (and I have googled and tbh he is a text book case) so we are doing what he suggests re pain relief and an ultrasound scan. He may need strong migraine meds at some point.
It's all just so worrying. He is only 6 :(
Lin...that was thoughtless of your Dh but perhaps he didn't want you to come across the letters in the recycling or something?

Tbh it's the sort of thing my Dh would do, without thinking.
I'm sorry it's upset you so much.
It's the silly things though, isn't it? The bursts of songs on the radio, a hymn in church, a passage in a book, the smell of a perfume, or food.
Grief feels all encompassing at times.
I wish I could talk to dad about ds2. About how well ds1 is doing at football, and at school. He never got to see ds2 start school. Never got to see him in his nativity. It breaks my heart all over again.

She was lovely ssd I was very lucky to have her. She refused to go to a local lap club because they were all old. She was 83 when she died ! And believe it or not she was so fit, never been really ill unti the day before she died and even then she said she felt ok and the hospital said she would prob be home the following thurs. How wrong they were.
Ironically me and my brother went to her house to pick up what she needed and my brother said " do you realise that one day we have to sort all this stuff out "
*badvoc that sounds very painful for your ds. I have never heard of that before. What will they treat him with ?
personal it's heart breaking to see it in black and white isn't it! it somehow makes it real.
At one time I used to wish that I didn't care about anyone, then I wouldn't be upset by death. But my family are very close and I worry about my siblings, especially when we have already lost one. The thought that one day another one won't be here is very distressing to me. And that's just thinking about it. God what a horrible day today is.

It wasn't a letter badvoc. It was sent to his email. I did say why did he tell me and he said sorry, but it's too late when he has already told me. Sometimes he has no bloody tact at all. And today is one of those times.

It's interesting you say that Lin...
My Dh has a cousin who is 50 odd.
Lives in the Far East.
Very rich.
Never married, doesn't want kids.
Only thinks of himself, never thinks of his elderly parents or anyone else for that matter.
I must admit after dad died I wondered if his way was better. Just caring about number 1. He will never feel the pain that we do.
But then I got over it.
He is a knob

I see.
Yes that was very tactless.
I hope he is suitably sorry!

My dh is also one sometimes badvoc ! We are off now to pick up gd from her job at the airport. It's a difficult place to get to and from without a car. She is taking driving lessons at the moment and hopefully won't be many months till she can get a car. But until then we will help out.
Gs has now taken over the conservatory as well as his bedroom , but I don't think we will see much of him as he works and then spends a lot of time with his gf Gym and sporting things. They are off to Dominican Republic soon ,his first holiday not spent with his mates !! Off to airport now !

Baddz - your post about your cousin being a knob made me laugh out loud!

I was clearing out my inbox earlier and in an untitled email I'd sent myself were 4 photos of dad just before he died when he was unconscious in hospital. Took my breath away and could remember everything from the smell of the room to the rhythm of his breath.

Frigging heart wrenching... I'd give anything to have one more day with him... as we all would with our respective loved ones. Its just mental that we will never see them ever again isn't it.

Also is it just me or does it feel like the person who was the rock of the family - be it mum or dad - always seems to go first leaving those left behind feeling utterly fragile in a way that possibly wouldn't happen quite so badly if it was the other round...

I am so annoyed today, nan hasnt been doing so well lately her other children dont speak to her anymore really and i know she feels huge guilt because of mum.
a family member who she has not seen for many years, never even knew mum at all, rang her up yesterday blind drunk asking her about her dead daughter, why she died and what of. my nan was really upset today and going over things constantly like she was at the start. she is too polite she should of told her to feck off. if she knew or cared about mum she would know what happened to her and not be drunkenly pestering my nan.

some people should come with a little warning taped to their forehead!